Anonymous wrote:But he had an affair. Spent thousands of dollars and was planning a life with this woman. It lasted a few years not months. How is he a fit father??

Are you OP? The court will not see it this way. Period.

If he wants joint custody, he WILL get it. No court will separate a competent father from his children.

The sooner you come to grips with this, the better. Assuming you want to divorce, the most important thing for you to focus on right now is MONEY. Forget your anger and disgust. Forget about fighting joint custody. You need to figure out how you will support yourself and work out how you both will contribute to the support of your child.

Oh well. She's not getting full custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have problems. You can't separate your ex-DH and his baby, sorry.

A good father should see his kid a shitastic dad should not.

He will dump the kid once his oh complains about not getting enough attention.

Of course, he may demand custody to reduce his cost.

She said he wasn't a shittastic dad. A bad husband doesn't equal a shittastic dad.

Really? A 16th month old needs tons of care... Where did he find time? It definitely was taking time from bonding with his child.

What OP meNt is he does not beat the child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have problems. You can't separate your ex-DH and his baby, sorry.

A good father should see his kid a shitastic dad should not.

He will dump the kid once his oh complains about not getting enough attention.

Of course, he may demand custody to reduce his cost.

She said he wasn't a shittastic dad. A bad husband doesn't equal a shittastic dad.

But he is modeling poor character and behavior by cheating on OP and lying to the mistress.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have problems. You can't separate your ex-DH and his baby, sorry.

A good father should see his kid a shitastic dad should not.

He will dump the kid once his oh complains about not getting enough attention.

Of course, he may demand custody to reduce his cost.

She said he wasn't a shittastic dad. A bad husband doesn't equal a shittastic dad.

Anonymous wrote:OP you have problems. You can't separate your ex-DH and his baby, sorry.

A good father should see his kid a shitastic dad should not.

He will dump the kid once his oh complains about not getting enough attention.

Of course, he may demand custody to reduce his cost.

Is DH apologetic and begging to come back?

But he had an affair. Spent thousands of dollars and was planning a life with this woman. It lasted a few years not months. How is he a fit father??

OP, hopefully a couple of years will give you the kind of perspective to see the points the PPs are making about a relationship with the father. I'm sure it's harder than I can imagine right now but it will get better. Good luck to you.

OP you have problems. You can't separate your ex-DH and his baby, sorry.

It sucks what he did, but you'd be hurting your baby if you try to ruin their relationship. If he wants to be a part of the kid's life and he isn't an incompetent father then please let him. Using your baby to get back at him is not the way to go.

He wants joint custody and told me he will fight for joint custody. He isn't abusive. He gets up with the baby take the baby to daycare etc. I just don't want my baby growing up around this man and his whore.

If he wants joint custody of any type, he will get it, unless you have proof that he is not fit to parent. Infidelity has no bearing on this issue.

Assuming your baby's father is a reasonably competent parent, he SHOULD have a relationship with his child, and as a mother you should want that for your child.

I would play up the double-life angle more than how he was as a father. If he wasn't abusive or neglectful in the technical sense of the word (something more than playing too many video games instead of reading to your child), seems like the court might not care. But if he was hiding assets or spending money on other women instead of his kid, maybe that could make a difference. Talking to an attorney would be best, of course.

Anonymous wrote:She was apologetic when I told her about the baby. She cried twice and said she couldn't believe he lied to her. But then she kept talking to him. So she wasn't all that sorry.

Get the book "not just friends" it explains why they both are so pathetic.