I'm so sorry you're going through this. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease and it is horribly depressing to see someone you love degrade in that way. I think your only option is trying to get in a multiples group so that maybe you can turn to other mothers to help with playdates, etc. I wish I could give you a hug.

Hugs OP. I have twin toddlers also and really can't imagine adding on the stress of caring for a parent with alzheimers, financial stress, etc...

I second the suggestion to connect w/ your local parents of multiples group. It sounds like you're not in the DC area (which is too bad - I'd bring my pair over for a playdate and let you leave the house for an hour or two), but if you can find other parents of twins you might find a helpful outlet.

Hang in there. Do what you need to do to preserve your sanity.

I understand, OP. I have twins as well, now 5.5, and a sister with severe brain damage from a car accident ten years ago. My sister looks normal but is clearly altered and clearly mentally unwell when she speaks. Everyone says they want to help you but the reality is that everyone (but a very close few) get tired of the mentally impaired adult very quickly. I had better luck getting someone to volunteer to take time with my then hellish boys at 2.5 then I did with anyone wanting to spend more than a few minutes with my sister.

You are doing everything right, OP - you have an attorney, POA, and have started the ball rolling on all social services available.


All the best to you - it does get easier.

BTW. Thanks to Obamacare my sister has health insurance again for the first time since two years after her accident. She was dropped from her health care and for eight years all of her numerous prescriptions and doctors had to be paid out of our pockets.

It's probably too far away for you, but Iona House was fabulous when my grandfather was suffering from dementia: http://www.iona.org/how-we-help.html

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I know it's a lot to ask but if you feel comfortable might I suggest sharing your story with people on the twins groups listserv? Like the Northern Virginia one or on MCPOM?
The mothers in those groups are really terrific and from what I can tell they rally around members who are going through difficult times.
At the very least maybe there is another twin mom who wouldn't mind having a drop-off playdate with your twins so you can get a short break this weekend!

I agree that joining a moms club in your area, particularly a twins mom club, could be very helpful for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not legally responsible for your mom. Get her a social worker through APS so she can be cared for.

Wow - what is wrong with you?! OP is doing everything she can to give her mother a decent standard of care and going through all channels that any of us can think about.

I hope your children care more about you than you do your own mother.

While the PP could have said more tactfully or expanded a bit, she has a point. Getting the OP's mother a social worker will allow her to have access to programs at reduced cost or even free. We all pay taxes for services for people like the Op's mom, she should take advantage of what it available. It does not mean the mom has to move out- but it may mean the there are resources out there for the OP to tap- sop she and her DH are not hit with the financial load as well as the emotional load.

Thank you. We already have a social worker who has been helping us. There are very few resources for Alzheimer's and Dementia sufferers. And then there are the horrors - the state run facilities where these once vibrant and self-sufficient people walk around in soiled pants or are so drugged up they don't move which would be my mother's only option if not for us at this point. There is nothing like Alzheimer's Daycare or respite care in our state for Alzheimer's sufferers. Believe me, we are "tapping" every resource known to man at this point. We have also gotten help for the Alzheimer's Association. The programs and assistance you are talking about do not exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not legally responsible for your mom. Get her a social worker through APS so she can be cared for.

Wow - what is wrong with you?! OP is doing everything she can to give her mother a decent standard of care and going through all channels that any of us can think about.

I hope your children care more about you than you do your own mother.

While the PP could have said more tactfully or expanded a bit, she has a point. Getting the OP's mother a social worker will allow her to have access to programs at reduced cost or even free. We all pay taxes for services for people like the Op's mom, she should take advantage of what it available. It does not mean the mom has to move out- but it may mean the there are resources out there for the OP to tap- sop she and her DH are not hit with the financial load as well as the emotional load.

You're doing the best you can, OP, and your best is pretty fantastic. These difficult days will not last forever. I think both you and your husband are truly amazing. Please feel free to vent here as often as you feel the need to.

And thank you for reminding me (all of us) to make sure that our parents have both insurance and that we know their wishes should something like this happen. Alzheimer's and related dementias are on a very fast rise - anyone of us could easily be in your situation in just a few short months.

Anonymous wrote:You are not legally responsible for your mom. Get her a social worker through APS so she can be cared for.

Wow - what is wrong with you?! OP is doing everything she can to give her mother a decent standard of care and going through all channels that any of us can think about.

I hope your children care more about you than you do your own mother.

Sending you good vibes OP, you're doing a great job

Anonymous wrote:You are not legally responsible for your mom. Get her a social worker through APS so she can be cared for.

Have a heart. OP is doing the best she can to get good care for the mother who loved and raised her.

Yes, Adult Protective Services may have good resources available, and OP's situation can't go on like this forever, but it does sound like she's doing her best to marshal resources for her mother's care.

You are not legally responsible for your mom. Get her a social worker through APS so she can be cared for.

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs (()). I have 3 kids including twins and my mom also has Alzheimer's so I can totally relate to what you are going through and I know it's soooo hard. My mom lived with us for 6 mos and it was so hard to balance her needs with the kids even during that relatively short duration. Will she sit and watch tV for a stretch allowing you to take the twins out? Could you maybe swing a high school student to come for a couple of hours? Would she go to bed early with the kids allowing you some downtime in the evening. One thing my mom liked doing was matching unsorted socks and we always had a ton of them. Do you have simple projects like that for her to focus on? My heart goes out to you since I know how hard this must be. If she is waking at night or is anxious and depressed see if her doctor can prescribe something if you haven't done this already.

OP here and THANK YOU!!! I thought I was the only woman alive who ever experienced this. Just knowing that you got though a tougher situation that I have (I have only two children while you had three) makes it easier.

No, I can't leave her alone to take the kids out anymore. But I have come up with activities that she likes to do like sorting socks. Luckily my mother isn't depressed or angry at all - she is in a very sweet phase right now where everyone is wonderful and beautiful. I have business sized cards that I secretly slip to people when we are out in public because my mother is so loud and inappropriate now that say, "The person I am with, my mother, has Alzheimer's Disease. Please be patient."

Not to sound pathetic but we had to cancel cable due to the expense but my Mom will sit and watch old DVDs that we have over and over - which is when I play with the kids or make meals/clean if the time coincides with the kids' nap.

And honestly, we cannot afford one more sitter right now. Maybe when some of her earned benefits come through but not now.

Some days I count the hours until I can be asleep again.

Big hugs (()). I have 3 kids including twins and my mom also has Alzheimer's so I can totally relate to what you are going through and I know it's soooo hard. My mom lived with us for 6 mos and it was so hard to balance her needs with the kids even during that relatively short duration. Will she sit and watch tV for a stretch allowing you to take the twins out? Could you maybe swing a high school student to come for a couple of hours? Would she go to bed early with the kids allowing you some downtime in the evening. One thing my mom liked doing was matching unsorted socks and we always had a ton of them. Do you have simple projects like that for her to focus on? My heart goes out to you since I know how hard this must be. If she is waking at night or is anxious and depressed see if her doctor can prescribe something if you haven't done this already.

Anonymous wrote:OP, i feel for you. That sounds like a really tought situation. I am a nanny for twins and I'd be happy to donate 2-3 hours tomorrow to help out and play with your kids a bit. Post an email if you are interested.

You have a heart of gold, PP. Also not the OP but I think you are an amazing person!