I love this thread over in General Parenting -

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/30/395670.page

Lots of good advice on creating a deep relationship.

NurtureShock is aimed more at parents of younger kids, but it is an excellent book with a chapter "The Science of Teen Rebellion."

The big surprise from research is that objection to parental authority peaks around age 14 to 15, and that such resistance is slightly stronger at age 11 than 18. By the time the kids are 17 and 18, they have enough autonomy that they don't feel compelled to resist every single parental directive. But the younger kids are desperately trying to forge their own identity, even as they remain completely dependent on their parents. This desire for, but lack of, autonomy results in resentment toward parental authority.

Anonymous wrote:YES! Mine is 16. Great kid but where did the sweetness go?

+1. Once and a while there are still flashes, a hug here and there. But I'm so tired of the surliness. I know kids this age are trying to find independence and their own identities. Teen boys must think surliness is necessary for independence.

Mine had a very rough year at school this year, and was moody, surly, short tempered and irritable many days. Now that he is on summer break, he is like a new person! I know this may not last, but am trying to appreciate every moment of it.
Also trying to figure out how to prevent a repeat of last year.