Anonymous wrote:Why is it as soon as something seems awry in a relationship people want to run out and hire a private detective to follow their spouse around?

I don't know. But her DH is gone 3 weeks out of every 4, and he never calls her while he's gone? That sounds normal to you?

This issue is a tip of the iceberg. The phone call issue is a symptom of childish power struggle. You really should get counseling with him to help you two right the vessel.

Why is it as soon as something seems awry in a relationship people want to run out and hire a private detective to follow their spouse around?

I wouldn't be able to resist hiring someone to follow him on a couple of these trips. It sounds really extreme, and also really suspicious. I would rule out an affair and a second family, then request counseling, then leave.

Anonymous wrote:Prior to getting married, I sold to the army OCONUS. I spent a lot of time overseas. I'm sorry to say, but I would NEVER EVER marry a guy who travels internationally all the time. Shenanigans that go on with international travel, coupled with a man who has no interest in talking to you, I would blindly bet money he cheats like a dog. It is so easy on international travel.

+1000

This sounds more like a relationship problem, not really a travelling problem. He doesn't sound connected to the marriage.

How often do you text him? Have you gotten into a pattern where every text is a complaint about him not being in touch? He doesn't want to call because he knows it will about be about how awful he is?

I would text him often but just about daily life and positive things and missing him and see if that gets him communicating more.

He should be checking in daily, at a minimum. In less you are staying with him for financial reasons, move on. That isn't a marriage. Are you sure he's not cheating on you?

If you have no kids then there are other, better fish in the sea, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you staying in this marriage? Is he Prince Charming when he is home and that makes up for him being a dick the majority of the month?

He is likely cheating if he calls you a nag and insults you when you want to spend time w him via phone. Divorce him.

My DH travels for 1 week aboout 4 times a year. He calls every night to speak to the kids and to me. Your DH is a jerk. Dump him.

My husband travels a lot. We don't talk every night, but we text at a minimum every morning and night. And for us, it's not "checking in". Its being in a relationship. He wants to *say* good night to me, and wake me up with a "good morning". Really, it takes a few seconds.

He says I either need to deal with it or leave. That I'm the only spouse of the group who can't understand that they are busy while travelling

PP here. this is also really awful. He's blaming this all on you, when its clearly his problem.

I suggest counseling because there are bigger issues here.

another voice in the chorus.

not cool, not okay, your expections are very reasonable.

i am the one who travels more than DH (he never travels). While I sometimes do get very busy (and some of that busy is wining and dining, for sure) we usually talk at least once every day and if a phone call doesn't happen there's a quick text and I always send an email about my day, asking him about stuff at home when there's a big time difference.

The million dollar question here is what is your relationship like at home? I can't imagine someone being loving, attention, and 'there' but changing completely on the trip. Does he have to travel so much? do you think he might be having an affair with someone he travels with? Happens all the time.

I can't imagine being away from my wife/family for that much time every month.

If I had no choice, I'd probably text/email a few times a day. With messaging apps like KiK that doesn't require a phone plan, it would be pretty simple to keep in touch on a regular basis at no cost. Or even facebook messenger.

Something is not right.

Anonymous wrote:No - you aren't a needy nag at all. My husband travels as often as yours and we contact each other every single day. And trust me, we aren't a couple who is very together. We don't talk on the phone but message or use a messagin app to check in - we have a child so maybe that's also a reason. It's a check in and a touching base to see if all is okay on both ends. I have a lot of friends whose husbands travel for work. They all speak with their husbands / message etc. Maybe not very day but every other day or every two days atleast. The ones with kids chat more often it seems. I'm sorry I don't have any advice - It seems he is the problem and not you. I just wanted you to know that you aren't unreasonable or wrong.

+1.

Something really sounds wrong here, OP. You only have a husband about 12 weeks of the year? And he tells you if you don't like it you can leave!? That is not loving. I'm sorry.