Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn't as easy as some people are making it out to be. Some parents don't mind you asking questions about the child, others think you are a mean, rude, intrusive awful person if you even notice let alone dare to ask a question about the child. Some people accept help, other people think an offer to help means you think they aren't competent or capable. Some people like others talking to them, others hate it and just want some peace and quiet and time with their child. Some people like x, other people like y.

Anytime you are in an unfamiliar situation (for you), it can be hard to be sure how to navigate especially when there are landmines and some parents will explode at you for x, while the next parent will think you doing x is sweet.

Why is it necessary to ask questions about the child in order to strike up a conversation? Do you say to others, "Nice weather for the pool. I see you are overweight -- is it because you had kids or were you always like that?" or do you simply say, "Nice weather for the pool"??? I hope it's the latter.

No, not at all. But some disabilities are limiting, meaning that either you ignore it or you ask questions to see how the child can engage in an activity. You exactly make my point. The poster before you said - don't ignore and other parents on here have said, just ask me! You are saying - don't say anything.

I have a physical disability - it is noticeable. I personally don't mind people asking me questions at all and sometimes questions come up in the context of the activity. Other people completely act like they don't even notice I have a disability which I actually find kind of strange - I just figure those people are super uncomfortable and would feel really awkward so they just pretend they can't see it. I am far more likely to form friendships with people who are genuine and real then people who try to be PC and fake.

Anonymous wrote:It isn't as easy as some people are making it out to be. Some parents don't mind you asking questions about the child, others think you are a mean, rude, intrusive awful person if you even notice let alone dare to ask a question about the child. Some people accept help, other people think an offer to help means you think they aren't competent or capable. Some people like others talking to them, others hate it and just want some peace and quiet and time with their child. Some people like x, other people like y.

Anytime you are in an unfamiliar situation (for you), it can be hard to be sure how to navigate especially when there are landmines and some parents will explode at you for x, while the next parent will think you doing x is sweet.

Why is it necessary to ask questions about the child in order to strike up a conversation? Do you say to others, "Nice weather for the pool. I see you are overweight -- is it because you had kids or were you always like that?" or do you simply say, "Nice weather for the pool"??? I hope it's the latter.

Anonymous wrote:It isn't as easy as some people are making it out to be. Some parents don't mind you asking questions about the child, others think you are a mean, rude, intrusive awful person if you even notice let alone dare to ask a question about the child. Some people accept help, other people think an offer to help means you think they aren't competent or capable. Some people like others talking to them, others hate it and just want some peace and quiet and time with their child. Some people like x, other people like y.

Anytime you are in an unfamiliar situation (for you), it can be hard to be sure how to navigate especially when there are landmines and some parents will explode at you for x, while the next parent will think you doing x is sweet.

It seems to me ignoring someone is never correct, especially when it's obvious your children are staring. And this thread is really about open and obvious disabilities. Not subtle differences that some parents refuse to discuss.

It isn't as easy as some people are making it out to be. Some parents don't mind you asking questions about the child, others think you are a mean, rude, intrusive awful person if you even notice let alone dare to ask a question about the child. Some people accept help, other people think an offer to help means you think they aren't competent or capable. Some people like others talking to them, others hate it and just want some peace and quiet and time with their child. Some people like x, other people like y.

Anytime you are in an unfamiliar situation (for you), it can be hard to be sure how to navigate especially when there are landmines and some parents will explode at you for x, while the next parent will think you doing x is sweet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you realize you could have been her or could be her one day. You could easily have another pregnancy or an accident that leaves someone you love needing significant care. You never know when that will be you.

You have no heart or empathy, so do leave her alone. It is sad that instead of being kind and setting a good example for your kids on how to treat people you acknowledge she is there and cannot even say a simple hello.

If you were in that situation, how would you want to be treated?

Bullcrap. The OP posted because she wants to break the obstacles (which she was so honest to admit) that exist. As sad as it is, "avoidance" by other moms and kids is today's reality at pools, parties, Moms groups, etc. Unfortunately, visible, physical disabilities in children send a lot of people running for the hills.

Too much emphasis on prepping Larlas and Larlos these days to support others with special needs.

If she wanted to overcome it, she'd say hello and start a conversation - isn't it a lovely day out. Your child looks like they are enjoying the pool. She is looking for attention and confirmation that her behavior is ok. Why on earth would you post this here with details such as a pool, age of the child, etc. Can you imagine being that parent who reads this here? I can and I would be devastated to read about my special needs child here.

Anonymous wrote:I was trying to be lighthearted and friendly. Approaching an SN mom can mean a conversation about RHONY too you know.

This was in reference to 9:41

I was trying to be lighthearted and friendly. Approaching an SN mom can mean a conversation about RHONY too you know.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you realize you could have been her or could be her one day. You could easily have another pregnancy or an accident that leaves someone you love needing significant care. You never know when that will be you.

You have no heart or empathy, so do leave her alone. It is sad that instead of being kind and setting a good example for your kids on how to treat people you acknowledge she is there and cannot even say a simple hello.

If you were in that situation, how would you want to be treated?

Bullcrap. The OP posted because she wants to break the obstacles (which she was so honest to admit) that exist. As sad as it is, "avoidance" by other moms and kids is today's reality at pools, parties, Moms groups, etc. Unfortunately, visible, physical disabilities in children send a lot of people running for the hills.

Too much emphasis on prepping Larlas and Larlos these days to support others with special needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get these extreme responses at all. But I do think that OP is overthinking this. Just be friendly, say hi, and go from there.

The OP is scared of a child with a disability, like it is contagious. It reminds her the world isn't perfect. She doesn't want to say hi, be friendly and probably doesn't even want that child or mom around.

She can't comprehend that anyone can have a special needs child, like that mom could not possibly have anything in common with OP so she can find an opening to a conversation with her, like she would with anyone else. Or maybe she looks at everyone as if they're great, unapproachable mysteries.... Seriously, are SN children that unusual in your orbit OP?

Anonymous wrote:If you see me at the pool with my child, please ask me whatever you want. I'm nosy too! I'll ask about your kids and we can have a great gossip! Lets be friends! Please!

Ugh, this just goes to show how alike people really are. I hope you are being facetious.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get these extreme responses at all. But I do think that OP is overthinking this. Just be friendly, say hi, and go from there.

The OP is scared of a child with a disability, like it is contagious. It reminds her the world isn't perfect. She doesn't want to say hi, be friendly and probably doesn't even want that child or mom around.

If you see me at the pool with my child, please ask me whatever you want. I'm nosy too! I'll ask about your kids and we can have a great gossip! Lets be friends! Please!

Anonymous wrote:Just go up to her talk to her like you would any other person.

This. People who are different in some way, even not special needs, don't want it pointed out to them. People who don't have a special need but are different in some way -- people who are very short, people with a big mole on their face, people with a large birthmark, etc -- these people you wouldn't go up to them and point out their difference, so it's the same with a person with special needs, yo udon't go up an point out what is different with someone with a specialneed. A mom of a special needs child won't want to always talk about it how her child is different. Just talk about whatever it is you would normally talk about at the pool with someone new, the weather, introduce yourself, school, etc.

Anonymous wrote:How can you be a grownup and not know how to navigate this situation?

Exactly, you wouldn't ask an adult why they were in a wheelchair.

OP please read this.
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

As a random stranger, you are pluto in this person's orbit.

How can you be a grownup and not know how to navigate this situation?