Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't find those traits hot. I find them admirable and touching. But some guy being paternal doesn't make me want to sleep with him.

Same here.

What gets me now? The superficial stuff: money, looks, great body, great in bed. Perhaps that's because I have the stable great guy, so not really yearning for those traits in a man now.

Funny - I definitely find those traits hot. I generally am attracted to my DH. But even more so when he helps me out with the kids or housework (without me asking) or I see him having a tender moment with my DSs. I didn't realize how important being a good father was to me until I had kids.

I used to like artistic or musical hipster, pretty boys. Now I can't imagine why I cared about those things.

Now it"s: smart, interesting, engaging and engaged, a good listener, emotionally honest, great in bed. He can't be too out of shape but a little bit can be overlooked. A big part of being attracted to someone is about how he reacts to me. At this point in my life, I am not interested in someone who plays games. If he plays hard to get, I will lose interest very quickly.

Salt and pepper hair! especially on darker skin or tanned guys. So hot.

Still fit, great arms/chest -- no beer belles.

Smile lines, great, dry sense of humor.

NOT emotional, neurotic, clingy, needy -- I have my own shit, thanks.

At 29, I was already looking for "practical" traits: smart, loyal, had a will, had life insurance, had investments plus retirement savings (all of the things I have), and liked to travel, decent looking and taller than me.

I am surprised it would take someone to wait to 40 to look for these traits.

There is a difference between love affair material and husband material.

My husband also had love affair material when he was younger than when I met him, but if I had met him then, we never would have dated. It might have been a love affair and that is it.

Anonymous wrote:Attraction to bad boy characteristics is like a flash in the pan. Short term.

I have always been attracted to kindness, humility, compassion, integrity and quiet confidence. Being easy on the eyes is a bonus.
Cockiness, hatred, narcissism is a huge put off. My tastes didn't change with age

Agreed. I was never into bad boys but I was into superficiality - tall, hot guys with hot bods. Intelligence somewhat optional. Now I see all those guys who were hot at 25 at slouchy, bald, with bellies. I'm glad I realized what matters when I started looking for a life partner. Now I care about (and thankfully married) men who put their families first, are kind, funny, and honest.

No moobs, plenty of hair on head, weight and height match.

Kindness, take charge attitude but not in the sense of ignoring others opinions, good looks that will last into old age.

Attraction to bad boy characteristics is like a flash in the pan. Short term.

I have always been attracted to kindness, humility, compassion, integrity and quiet confidence. Being easy on the eyes is a bonus.
Cockiness, hatred, narcissism is a huge put off. My tastes didn't change with age

Anonymous wrote:Kindness. Intelligence. Humility. Humor. Secure in himself.

I was never into "bad guys." My dad was always supportive of and kind to my mom. I never wanted to date anyone who wasn't nice to me--I might find them physically attractive, but if they revealed themselves to be mean or selfish or rude, I just no longer found them attractive.

+10000

Who are these women who like the a-holes? No thank you.

Men who dress their age. Non-hipsters -- can't stand the stupid hats, beards, skinny jeans, clothes that match their elementary school aged son.

Men who are truly nice. It 's the ultimate display of self-confidence.

Kindness, curiosity, smart. I cared a great deal about looks when I was younger, and my husband is bald, which my 20 year old self would have hated. My nearly 40 year old self thinks he's pretty hot.

Anonymous wrote:I don't find those traits hot. I find them admirable and touching. But some guy being paternal doesn't make me want to sleep with him.

Same here.

What gets me now? The superficial stuff: money, looks, great body, great in bed. Perhaps that's because I have the stable great guy, so not really yearning for those traits in a man now.

financial stability and responsibility. in my 20s it was funny/cute when boyfriends late notices for ALL of his bills (and later tax evasion) were piling up..oh he would say it was just his ADD and he woudl get right on it. holy cow, to be married to him would be a fucking nightmare.

Calm and gentle demeanor. Kind to others, especially kids and animals. Willing to pitch in and help out, whether it's helping the neighbors move or just reading the kids a story. Light hearted. Good sense of humor.

I've never been attracted to the bad boy type, but my tastes are still more refined than they were twenty years ago.