Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will get branded.

You will get to know the parents pretty well and they will be room parents. You will share your views with them and they will silently nod or say they understand but will be judging you and talk behind your back.

I get significant FA for my child so somehow that makes parents more comfortable talking to me about financial issues (idk why - probably they just feel less pressure) so I hear all about who is cheap, who doesn't donate enough, etc.

THIS. Anyone who tells you that no one at the school knows or cares is not telling you the truth. Believe me, WE ALL KNOW who gives and who doesn't. Some talk about it, some don't, but we all know. You will become THAT parent. It is just how it is at independent schools. If you are comfortable with that, then it's a non-issue.

+1. We didn't belong to the "in crowd" but still, several times a year someone who knew the gossip would complain to us about other parents who didn't give or help out in various ways.

^^ I do give to the teachers. Money, letter, no sweets.

I spent the whole first year of private thinking about this. Then I just di not do it. For one it is a stretch for us to afford the always-going-up tuition in the first place. Yet on the other hand, FA aid is given out to so many students that I don't think deserve it -- so many ways and means to get a break, none of which apply to me. Both are admin problems beyond our control. So, I just pass. Really did not notice one tiny bit of difference.

It's voluntary OP - if you don't wanna do it then don't. No need to get your britches all in a bunch about it geez take a chill pill.

Are you skipping all holiday gifts now that you're switching schools, or just screwing the teachers? You sound cheap and will be perceived as such. A gift for teachers is not negotiable unless you are truly strapped. Since you're not on FA yourself, I assume you are just cheap.

I've been a room parent collecting for teacher gifts multiple years. I keep track and I remember. I'm discreet and do not discuss who gives and who does not, but I doubt all room parents share my discretion. Some of the "non-givers" were so egregious it really irritated me. Other people's finances are none of my business, but if you flaunt your discretionary spending, and then don't contribute at all to the teacher gift, I think poorly of you.

Yes, yes, I know...some people choose to give directly to the teachers, and I have always hoped that was the case with the families who chose not to participate in the group gifts.

I also remember the single grandmother raising her grandchild who gave VERY generously to the teacher gift. Turns out she's a retired teacher.

I 100% agree with the PPs who have stated that, while tuition is exorbitant, the teachers are certainly not raking it in.

People make decisions based on their priorities. Give according to your budget and personal circumstances, but at least give a little.

OP, you sound stingy.

Anonymous wrote:I have a sense of real appreciation and gratitude toward most of my child's teachers. Although tuition is very high, I would not think of not donating toward teacher gifts.

Tuition does not cover the cost of my child's education so I do give to the annual fund.

I do have mixed feelings about financial aid. I have run into people who talk about getting aid, but also seem to have relatively large homes which they are extensively renovating (at least by my standards). We have a small home with a paid off mortgage. I have to admit I have gotten less generous with financial aid over the years, but do still give a little.

I agree with previous posters - your attitude is going to affect the experience your child has at the school.

There are those who abuse financial aid, but there are also those who are actually thankful and appreciate that their children are given the opportunity.
That should be the schools job to weed out the ones who just know how to get it, but do not really need it.

Anonymous wrote:You will get branded.

You will get to know the parents pretty well and they will be room parents. You will share your views with them and they will silently nod or say they understand but will be judging you and talk behind your back.

I get significant FA for my child so somehow that makes parents more comfortable talking to me about financial issues (idk why - probably they just feel less pressure) so I hear all about who is cheap, who doesn't donate enough, etc.

I was a room parent and I did not bother to keep track. If I did notice that someone did not give, I usually felt that the husband thought the wife did and vice versa. I was always happy to give myself, so I never assumed that others were not willing to themselves.

I often wonder where the OPs go after a post like this?

Anonymous wrote:Other parents will talk but the teachers won't know and won't care.

This. I taught at a private years ago. I don't care if you don't give. I don't want anyone to feel pressured to give anything or more than they feel comfortable. To be honest, when you get a really generous amount from the class, you need to discuss with the principal whether you can accept it and in the back of my mind I always worried it might be because the room parent was pushing parents rather than because they wanted to give that much. I judged how good a teacher parents thought I was by the notes of gratitude not the dollar amount. The money was always appreciated, but I would never think less of a parent for refraining from giving. Just, please think twice about giving cookies, chocolates, etc. So much ended up in the teacher's lounge because by the end of the school year we were all trying to lose the winter weight gain and some teachers have diabetes and other health issues. I remember when a parent from the parent's association came in the faculty lounge to deliver flowers (so sweet) and I wanted to cry seeing her reaction to all those gifts that were on the tables uneaten. I was one of the people who put gifts there and I always wrote a thank you note, but I just can't control myself around sweets and I wasn't alone.

Other parents will talk but the teachers won't know and won't care.

I agree with most of the posters here. Private schools are very expensive but it isn't like they are huge profit centers. The money actually goes to the cost of running the school and your child's education. Most private schools have fantastic facilities, turf fields, smart classrooms and so on that need to be maintained, heating and ac bills to pay, amazing tech departments with 1 on 1 laptop programs, etc. All of this cost money, but is often why you are sending your kids to privates school. If yours is just a day care, then you shouldn't pay for that. Go public and perhaps come back when your kids are older and you can really feel the difference.

I have a sense of real appreciation and gratitude toward most of my child's teachers. Although tuition is very high, I would not think of not donating toward teacher gifts.

Tuition does not cover the cost of my child's education so I do give to the annual fund.

I do have mixed feelings about financial aid. I have run into people who talk about getting aid, but also seem to have relatively large homes which they are extensively renovating (at least by my standards). We have a small home with a paid off mortgage. I have to admit I have gotten less generous with financial aid over the years, but do still give a little.

I agree with previous posters - your attitude is going to affect the experience your child has at the school.

Sometimes I think people on this site just say outrageous things to stir shit up. No one can be this clueless. OP, please listen to your husband. He is right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should go public.

Then she will just be complaining about how high her taxes are and that she shouldn't contribute to the teacher gifts or the PTA fund raisers. Annual fund is one thing...not giving to teacher gifts is just unacceptable. These people teach your children how to read and give them the life long gift of learning. Well...at least at our school they do.

+1 So agree. I don't understand parents who won't give something to a teacher's gift. They spend more tiem with your children than you do during the week. and you think they are only babysitting?
Most teachers in private schools are not rich and teach because they really love teachign and want to give something bakc to kids.

You really sound like such a horribel person to be around.