I'm so sorry.

My mother passed away a few years ago with Alzheimers. It was so sad to watch her memory and interactions decline. There was a lot of grief along the way. When she died though I think it was a softer transition than a having a parent die unexpectedly and because I'd already been through the grieving process could take her passing as more of a blessing for her to have an end to the illness.

Join a support group, be in closer contact with family, find things you might be able to do together - I read to my mom for quite a while and my dad played online solitaire (she told him what to do and he moved the mouse and later she would watch him play and he would narrate what he was doing) with her. That seems odd now but it was an activity they could still connect over. Tell her family stories, look through photo albums and tell her the stories (not in a quizzing way just storytelling).

Love to you!

My mother has Alzheimer's as well and is in Stage 5 to 6. She is conversant but her conversations skip like you are flipping the remote on the TV from one channel to another to another. It's so hard to follow her train of thought. But I just go with her on this mind-surfing journey!

It is the worst disease I have ever witnessed in my life - I totally understand your pain as I have been there and, on some days, am there.

I love my mother but feel very "without her" even when she is sitting right next to me. I call my mom every single morning before I go to work and it's a very hard way to start the day for me but it is the best time for her. By the time I get home from work she is sundowning and needs total quiet or she gets upset easily.

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you're not so sad about losing "the before" that you don't cultivate a relationship w/them "in the now".

It will probably be the hardest thing you do. They are no longer meeting your needs, but you need to meet theirs.

So true. This in a way happens to all of us with aging parents, whether Alzheimers in involved or not.

I get it, OP. My mother has Alzheimer's as well and at a certain stage - it is was a death. A death of who she was and a death of our relationship. I have found that I have to love my mother for who she was as well as try to embrace her for who she is now. But make no mistake, my mother - the woman who raised me and I have depended upon - is dead. The confused little woman I visit is dear to me and I love her, but she is not my mother. Does that make sense?

I too had to reassess my life when my mother "died". It's not too late! Make new friends, reconnect with old friends, make the effort now - that is what I did. And it has really really helped.

All the very best to you, OP and the PPs who share our story. IMO, there is no disease worse than Alzheimer's and related dementia. None.

Hey - let's all do the Alzheimer's Fund Raising Walk!!!

I am so sorry. I am shedding tears for you now because I can relate. I wish I could offer more. You sound like a good daughter. I never thought i would have to go through this and never thoguht it would be this emotionally draining. Your post inspired me to spend more time with my dad, as difficult as it is. I always want to cry when I see him especially when he gives me a big smile. I never know if he knows who he is smiling at. That shouldn't matter to me. Thanks for helping me today, OP.

I'm so sorry, OP,
it's true that you grieve their loss before physical death.

Can you reach out to your local friends? Online support groups are wonderful, but sometimes you also need a real live hug and someone to make you a cup of tea.

Sending good thoughts your way.

OP here - and thank you everyone. You really helped me this morning. I need to reach out to people and I need to change my life. Thank you.

And to PP, sadly my mother's last living sister also has dementia (undiagnosed). I am in contact with my own siblings and my cousins - they're all great and we try to support each other. But no one lives on this side of the country with me.

It's so complicated and painful to watch my mother fade... I hate Alzheimer's.

OP, are you in touch with any of your moms friends or siblings or cousins? Anyone at all?

Sometimes it helps to have someone else to talk to who knows the person you are talking about....