Anonymous
Post 06/08/2014 00:01     Subject: Re:DH got fired
Did he have any inkling that his job would be in jeopardy from taking the time off?

RARELY are terminations in a vacuum. So if you all had a feeling there was risk, this should be no surprise, and the smart move would have been to be making inroads for other positions. If no inkling then there is likely more to the termination than just retaliation for time off.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 23:55     Subject: DH got fired
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH is a hard worker and a good person, but was just let go from his job. (I suspect it's because he took leave for a month after our preemie was born. DS is now 3 months old.) DH also loves soccer and is very excited for the World Cup.

Today I got on his back for watching soccer instead of applying for jobs. He told me to stop nagging and stormed out of the room. I feel bad.

Is it ridiculous of me to want to cancel cable until he finds a job? He is going to be glued to ESPN for the next month otherwise. I'm his wife, but feel the need to "ground" him until he has something lined up. Is this wrong of me?

I work, but we definitely need 2 incomes to stay afloat.


No, it is not ridiculous at all if you'd be fine with him canceling your cable when you're fired.


Terrible logic. You're saying, 'OP doing what she wants, knowing DH won't want it, is ok so long as OP wouldn't mind DH doing the same thing to her." Pray tell whet DH gets a vote or any consideration in that logic

(Cliff notes: DH doesn't get any input or consideration in that logic)
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 23:41     Subject: Re:DH got fired
Anonymous wrote:
DH could also help out more while OP takes on more hours at work.


Has it been established that OP works? I have been suspecting that she doesn't.


Whoops, never mind, she does work.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 23:41     Subject: DH got fired
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH is a hard worker and a good person, but was just let go from his job. (I suspect it's because he took leave for a month after our preemie was born. DS is now 3 months old.) DH also loves soccer and is very excited for the World Cup.

Today I got on his back for watching soccer instead of applying for jobs. He told me to stop nagging and stormed out of the room. I feel bad.

Is it ridiculous of me to want to cancel cable until he finds a job? He is going to be glued to ESPN for the next month otherwise. I'm his wife, but feel the need to "ground" him until he has something lined up. Is this wrong of me?

I work, but we definitely need 2 incomes to stay afloat.


No, it is not ridiculous at all if you'd be fine with him canceling your cable when you're fired.


If you cancel cable as punishment until he gets a job, the reality is that you may be without cable for a while. Getting another good job can take a while. It's just a fact today.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 23:23     Subject: Re:DH got fired
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want to punish him because he got fired for taking leave after you guys had a baby? You're awful. Blame his boss, not him.


This. He dealt with a premature child, and he's obviously an engaged dad since he jeopardized his job to take care of your preemie. He is dealing with being fired from his job for no fault of his. He needs a break and he deserves to get some slack. He can't be applying for jobs every waking minute of his day. What the hell is wrong with you, that you talk about "grounding" him instead of cheering him on?


Umm, it wasn't just "her preemie," it was both of theirs. And now they both need to work together as a team, which doesn't include him lying around all day watching TV while she works. Finding a job can be a full-time job. He can watch TV after "work" (that is, after he spends 8 hours a day looking for a new job).
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 23:18     Subject: Re:DH got fired
DH could also help out more while OP takes on more hours at work.


Has it been established that OP works? I have been suspecting that she doesn't.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 23:09     Subject: DH got fired
Anonymous wrote:Your subject line, "DH got fired" makes it pretty obvious that you have a lot of resentment towards him, as if he got fired on purpose.

NP here. Getting fired makes me worry about the person that lost their job. If indeed his company is totally nuts, then he should have a pretty clear cut lawsuit on his hands. Not saying that smart, hard-working people can't get fired, but those I know who have been sacked totally deserved it. The instances I've seen we're pretty embarrassing.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 23:00     Subject: DH got fired
Your subject line, "DH got fired" makes it pretty obvious that you have a lot of resentment towards him, as if he got fired on purpose.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 22:46     Subject: Re:DH got fired
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want to punish him because he got fired for taking leave after you guys had a baby? You're awful. Blame his boss, not him.


This. He dealt with a premature child, and he's obviously an engaged dad since he jeopardized his job to take care of your preemie. He is dealing with being fired from his job for no fault of his. He needs a break and he deserves to get some slack. He can't be applying for jobs every waking minute of his day. What the hell is wrong with you, that you talk about "grounding" him instead of cheering him on?


I took 2 weeks off to go home and care for my father before he died on hospice. I was fired upon my return because I didn't make production while I was gone. I made up a schedule for myself that included time to job hunt, apply to jobs, exercise, etc. You cannot expect him to apply to jobs 24 hours a day. I watched entire TV series while I was looking for work. It didn't mean I wasn't committed to getting another job. There's only so much to be done every day. Sure, he could apply to all kinds of jobs he's not interest in or not qualified for to appease you, but that's a waste of time.

You have a 3 month old premie. Appreciate the fact that he is home and can help for awhile.


It took my mother over a year to find a job and it was not full time hours. DH could also help out more while OP takes on more hours at work. Why cant DH be a house husband?
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 19:54     Subject: Re:DH got fired
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want to punish him because he got fired for taking leave after you guys had a baby? You're awful. Blame his boss, not him.


This. He dealt with a premature child, and he's obviously an engaged dad since he jeopardized his job to take care of your preemie. He is dealing with being fired from his job for no fault of his. He needs a break and he deserves to get some slack. He can't be applying for jobs every waking minute of his day. What the hell is wrong with you, that you talk about "grounding" him instead of cheering him on?


I took 2 weeks off to go home and care for my father before he died on hospice. I was fired upon my return because I didn't make production while I was gone. I made up a schedule for myself that included time to job hunt, apply to jobs, exercise, etc. You cannot expect him to apply to jobs 24 hours a day. I watched entire TV series while I was looking for work. It didn't mean I wasn't committed to getting another job. There's only so much to be done every day. Sure, he could apply to all kinds of jobs he's not interest in or not qualified for to appease you, but that's a waste of time.

You have a 3 month old premie. Appreciate the fact that he is home and can help for awhile.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 19:54     Subject: Re:DH got fired
That is a silly reason to cut cable. If anything, you guys will probably be watching more tv now v. going out to eat/have fun. It is cheaper to stay home and watch cable.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 16:42     Subject: DH got fired
No. Do not cut cable bc you think he will be glued to the tv for the next month. Besides, he can just watch online.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 15:44     Subject: DH got fired
As long as he's applied for unemployment and is applying for jobs on a regular basis I wouldn't be upset. He probably feels like shit and this soccer thing is one thing that gives him happiness.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 15:12     Subject: Re:DH got fired
If I had spouses like some of you, I wouldn't be watching soccer on cable if unemployed. I'd be draining every last cent from the bank and flying off to watch soccer in person without you. The sense of entitlement you princesses have is amazing.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2014 14:57     Subject: DH got fired
So sorry for you guys, OP. Like the PP, it took my spouse a long, long time to find work after being laid off. Do your best to give him space, to treat him with respect, and to manage your own anger and frustration. My marriage survived, and yours will too, but it can be very hard. Like the PP, my DH didn't pick up all the household responsibilities, either. GL to you. Practice deep breathing. Don't listen to people who haven't been through it telling you what your DH should or should not do, and try hard not to make those judgements yourself, either. If your DH will feel good about building a plan or schedule to stay on track, try it. Be on guard against depression...his and yours.