If that doesn't work, you could always just say "Thanks, we'll consider that." and change the subject. MIL may just want to be heard. Keeps saying "thanks, we'll consider that" and stop telling her all the details.

"We have made a decision. It is rude of you to keep talking making your point".

Walk away or end the conversation.

No drama. No confrontation.

But you need to tell MIL that she is being rude. You need to be very direct.

Make it clear that family members are not to give advice unless they are asked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all. I'm grateful that no one seemed to think I should let it slide until daughter succeeds in her new school. I've taken your advice and have had the discussion with husband and he is going to talk to his mother. I will absolutely use your refrains if she does bring it up again with me after her conversation with husband.

As for why it is important to us that daughter learn three languages - first, the school is wonderful beyond being just a bilingual school. Second, is one of the closest schools to my work and after two years of having her on the same campus this was important to me in case she gets sick. Third, many, many children in Europe speak/learn three languages and are better for it. I know from personal experience that learning English, German and Latin as a child has been extremely beneficial to me and enabled me to pick up French easily in high school.

I am Swiss and grew up speaking three languages. There is a popular joke in Europe:

What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks only one language? American.

Best of luck, OP.

So true about Americans - and I am one of the monolingual Americans! I tried to learn French - actually went to school in France for a year - and failed. All of my friends who were raised in bilingual homes picked up French easily - even those whose second language was not a romance language (one friend was in a Korean/English household while another was Russian/English). It's like there is some switch that gets flipped when kids are very young and it makes all other languages come easier to them.

I congratulate you, OP, on encouraging and teaching your daughter to speak several languages. Your MIL is wrong.

I would tell your husband that he has to man up and shut his mother down.

Mom, we've made our decision. SUpport it or keep your opinions to yourself. If DD is illiterate or hampered in any way I'm sure we will beat ourselves up sufficiently and then you can say I told you so. But right now, we're the parents. If you want to be part of your granddaughter's life you need to shut up.

Period.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all. I'm grateful that no one seemed to think I should let it slide until daughter succeeds in her new school. I've taken your advice and have had the discussion with husband and he is going to talk to his mother. I will absolutely use your refrains if she does bring it up again with me after her conversation with husband.

As for why it is important to us that daughter learn three languages - first, the school is wonderful beyond being just a bilingual school. Second, is one of the closest schools to my work and after two years of having her on the same campus this was important to me in case she gets sick. Third, many, many children in Europe speak/learn three languages and are better for it. I know from personal experience that learning English, German and Latin as a child has been extremely beneficial to me and enabled me to pick up French easily in high school.

I am Swiss and grew up speaking three languages. There is a popular joke in Europe:

What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks only one language? American.


Best of luck, OP.

OP here - thank you all. I'm grateful that no one seemed to think I should let it slide until daughter succeeds in her new school. I've taken your advice and have had the discussion with husband and he is going to talk to his mother. I will absolutely use your refrains if she does bring it up again with me after her conversation with husband.

As for why it is important to us that daughter learn three languages - first, the school is wonderful beyond being just a bilingual school. Second, is one of the closest schools to my work and after two years of having her on the same campus this was important to me in case she gets sick. Third, many, many children in Europe speak/learn three languages and are better for it. I know from personal experience that learning English, German and Latin as a child has been extremely beneficial to me and enabled me to pick up French easily in high school.

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to eat scheiss and merde.

Seriously, though, you've gotten good suggestions for specific wording. Just close her down when she starts talking about it, and if you need to just walk away after saying "We've explained to you why we, her parents have made this decision, and you've shared your concerns many, many times. I'm done talking about this."

If she really can't let it alone, then just call her on it: "Larla, I know you care about DD. But we're her parents, and you're not going to change our minds by carping. You have been way overstepping and it's now become very aggravating. Please, drop it. You are making it so that we won't want to share things with you that are going on in DD's life."

Tee hee. Awesome.

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL shouldn't interfere but why is is so important to you to have a child that speaks three languages? Seems very excessive and pushy to me.

+1

Anonymous wrote:She is completely out of line and should not be telling you how to raise your daughter. She should've made her objections once, then not brought it up again. My advice would be to tell her, "MIL I love you but back off. This is my child and I get to make the decisions."

+1

And then LIMIT your conversations with her. Every time she brings it up, just say "I've already told you OUR decision, but since you don't listen, we are leaving" or the conversation is over and hang up.

Wow. Your husband needs to talk to her and tell her that she must stop.

Tell her to eat scheiss and merde.

Seriously, though, you've gotten good suggestions for specific wording. Just close her down when she starts talking about it, and if you need to just walk away after saying "We've explained to you why we, her parents have made this decision, and you've shared your concerns many, many times. I'm done talking about this."

If she really can't let it alone, then just call her on it: "Larla, I know you care about DD. But we're her parents, and you're not going to change our minds by carping. You have been way overstepping and it's now become very aggravating. Please, drop it. You are making it so that we won't want to share things with you that are going on in DD's life."

I haven't read all replies, so I might be repeating others.

I too have a pushy mil. I simply do not engage her when she gets like this. Debating just isnt going to change her mind. It goes something like:

Dh and I decide to do xyz.
Mil: you should really do ABC. It's so much better because of reasons 1,2,3...
Me: You have a point that ABC would work. But we are doing xyz. It's already decided, payed for, scheduled, etc.
mil: but you really should do ABC.
Me: You're probably right, but we're doing xyz.
Mil doesn't know what to say, so she drops the subject.

If it is something as important as my child's education, I would be even more firm. "I know how you feel about Karla's language school, but this is what we are doing. I'm really not up for discussing it anymore.". If she lectures her point more, I just let her talk until she tired of talking.

I truly believe this has kept us from more severe conflicts.

OP, I just wanted to say how awesome it is that you are giving your kid all of that language training. I wish my kids had it.

You post is too long. The story and details are not what's important.

Raise your daughter as you want.

Don't take crap from a MIL

Take control

I'd be concerned that, if literally every time you speak with her she voices her opinion about DC's school, she might be saying something to DC when she's alone with him/her. If there is no other reason you want to stand up to her, this should be it. DC shouldn't be hearing negative things about his/her parents' decisions, especially at such a young age.

OP, you don't owe this woman an explanation, no matter how tempting it may be. You don't need to show her research, and yes, your husband needs to stand up to mommy.

You're talking about "MIL isn't on board with our raising a bilingual child." So what? Is she raising the kid with you? If so you've got much bigger problems than her opinion about what school you and your husband decide to send your child to. This isn't MIL's child, so she doesn't get a say in it. End of story.

And tell her such, in whatever way you need to so that she'll shut up. And if she doesn't, don't see her/talk to her as much. Pull back, and either she'll get the message or go crazy, but either way you'll know what you're dealing with.