Anonymous wrote:What to do really depends on (1) do they have actual needs that are going unmet - ie, shelter, food, medical care? Or are they wants? (2) Are your relatives asking for help?

If they're not asking and they aren't homeless or going hungry, then I can see this not going over well. If they need housing, you can arrange to pay whatever portion you're willing to of their rent to the landlord. If they need food, you can have groceries delivered (my dad did this so his nieces & nephew wouldn't go hungry). If they need medical care and the kids don't qualify for medicaid, you can buy the family a simple plan through the new health exchanges - those are surprisingly affordable.

If they want other stuff and are asking, obviously if you say yes once it means you'll be perceived as the family bank going forward - and "loans" aren't actually going to get repaid. I don't have the stomach to play that role, my DH is more patient with it but I had to put in place a rule that we don't issue "loans" without both our approval, since our finances are joint. With the ILs knowing that I'll be involved, they're less inclined to ask and more likely to actually pay back.

Anonymous wrote:
Be prudent when helping needy relatives. They will use you like a bank.

Anonymous wrote:Well, we're the poor relatives in our family. I don't think we make poor decisions, we just chose careers other than finance or law.

Anonymous wrote:What about a poor parent? New poster here. but i am in a similar situation with my mother. She is nutso crazy with money, and cannot manage it to save her life. She told me she has $1.50 in her bank account and has managed to "reschedule" most major bills this month, including her mortgage, electric, etc, but is going on a $400 trip next weekend, paid for a while back. While I don't begrudge her some pleasure, it is clear she would be better to put that money towards her various bills. I am thinking of sending her a small amount of money towards a particular bill, but wondering if I am opening a can of worms. We do not have a lot of money, and work around the clock. We have three small children, and I know the money would be better spent on them. Afterall, she has had her chances, and royally screwed everything up multiple times. For the record, we are not close, she was a terrible parent, struggles with mental illness, and is quite vicious with me. She doesn't spend time with us and does not know her grandchildren. But I still feel guilty. My greatest fear is that if I help her out once it opens the door to her expecting that in the future. What to do...? Any advice?

Anonymous wrote:op here.

I began to gave money away a long time ago when I was still poor. One relative used the money to rent cars every month for several years before I bought my first car. Another one used the money to eat out everyday. I am not surprised that they have became even poorer by now.

As for luck, the only luck I have is that I was born relatively smart but I attribute success (if any) to my hard working , often 10 hours day and often without breaks on weekends.

I am not going to teach them the virtue of hard working but am thinking about giving them real stuff not cash in the future. I have tried to teach one young relative skills that i think are important but so far he has shown no interests. Hence the frustration.