Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is quite unusual OP to be nearing 30 and to not have had a boyfriend.

It's hard for me to determine the reason even though your post was pretty detailed.

Do you have a family member or good friend who can give you a "no-holds barred" tell it like it is completely objective opinion on why this is so? Let this person know that you need the truth and that no matter what they tell you, you will take it like a woman, you will not hold anything they say against them and you must stick to your word.

Because there is something going on with you and only someone in your immediate life, none of us anonymous respondents can know for sure, will be able to see it.

Good luck.

P.S. If you do not have anyone in your immediate life to assist you, then I suggest you consider seeing a counselor and talking to him/her and see if there are certain issues you may have that need to be dealt with first.

THIS. I can't believe nobody has stated the obvious before. If OP keeps running into the type of issue over and over, it's her. Which is actually a good thing, because she can change.

I dated a guy like this in my mid 20s. I really liked him at first, and it was obvious he liked me too. A bit too obvious, after awhile. He was so nice and helpful, which was endearing, but I knew that committing to a relationship might as well mean committing to marry him. And there were red flags there that I couldn't shake. He did aLOT for me, but there was this subtle air of desperation about him. I also wondered when he fell so hard so fast if there were others before me that he'd had similar feelings for. Finally, he ends up initiating "the talk" in the car one night and saying he has something to tell me, but he's afraid that once he tells me, I'll start to change. Why did he do that??? He said he was really into me and only wanted me, but every time he'd told a woman this before, she ran. I didn't run right away, because who wants to seem callous, but that discussion put him out of the running for a serious relationship. Frankly, your emotional outburst in the bathroom is scary for the other person. You come across as needy, overly emotional (you can't control your emotions enough to avoid crying around him?), and insecure. Nobody wants to be responsible for your happiness or improving your self-confidence. Fake it until you make it and cry at home or with a good gf over stuff like this. He also probably realizes that this is a chronic problem for you, which is unattractive, because it says that you are used to being rejected. People want to feel like they are committing to someone who is a prize vs someone who is on a perpetual journey for acceptance and love. Also, if you are so anxious for a guy to commit to you, then you have take the fun away and now there's no need to rush to get you off of the market. He already "has" you and can therefore keep his options open for awhile. I believe that you are probably saying or doing something that comes across as someone who might commit to any guy willing to have you.

Age has very little to do with it. Most women have BFs in their 20s and many get married.

Anonymous wrote:Many Peter Pans out there now who keep wanting to look around the corner for something better. Many guys in their 30's still feel like they have years and years before they will consider getting married. Women should date up in age.

Anonymous wrote:It is quite unusual OP to be nearing 30 and to not have had a boyfriend.

It's hard for me to determine the reason even though your post was pretty detailed.

Do you have a family member or good friend who can give you a "no-holds barred" tell it like it is completely objective opinion on why this is so? Let this person know that you need the truth and that no matter what they tell you, you will take it like a woman, you will not hold anything they say against them and you must stick to your word.

Because there is something going on with you and only someone in your immediate life, none of us anonymous respondents can know for sure, will be able to see it.

Good luck.

P.S. If you do not have anyone in your immediate life to assist you, then I suggest you consider seeing a counselor and talking to him/her and see if there are certain issues you may have that need to be dealt with first.

Anonymous wrote:It is quite unusual OP to be nearing 30 and to not have had a boyfriend.

It's hard for me to determine the reason even though your post was pretty detailed.

Do you have a family member or good friend who can give you a "no-holds barred" tell it like it is completely objective opinion on why this is so? Let this person know that you need the truth and that no matter what they tell you, you will take it like a woman, you will not hold anything they say against them and you must stick to your word.

Because there is something going on with you and only someone in your immediate life, none of us anonymous respondents can know for sure, will be able to see it.

Good luck.

P.S. If you do not have anyone in your immediate life to assist you, then I suggest you consider seeing a counselor and talking to him/her and see if there are certain issues you may have that need to be dealt with first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try courting instead of dating. Make it clear upfront that you want a serious relationship with the aim of finding out if you would be a good marriage match. Stop sleeping with guys when you aren't sure about your relationship status.

Guy here and: 1) my sympathies, unrequited love sucks the worst, 2) the quoted poster has a great suggestion. Make it clear when you start something new with someone (and in your profile(s) if you have them online) that you are looking for a long term commitment - that you are not looking for casual dating.

It sounds like this guy has some reservations about getting committed to anyone. He may have emotional intimacy/trust issues and was being open/honest with you about that when he said he is slow to develop feelings.

Infatuation and mature love are two different things - but that sugar-high infatuation happens relatively quickly - 6 months is a very long time. Generally people go through an infatuation phase which then gives way to more in-depth love. It's not a hard-and-fast rule, just a generalization. It sounds like you are correctly perceiving the situation and you have developed stronger feelings than he has...and six months is taking it at a very sane/stable pace. Don't beat up on yourself for being emotionally available - you sound like you wish you were more unavailable (like he is) which would result in two emotional cripples, not just one.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Look, some guys are just going to have a different timetable than you do. And that's ok. There's no reason you need to be moving at warp speed anyway, right?

I have a friend who almost broke up with her boyfriend at six months because she didn't think he was moving fast enough for her. He'd dated the last woman for 5 years without marrying her. I said, "you need to chill. 6 months is no time at all. Chill." She chilled a bit. And they literally got engaged about 2 months later, got married 3 months after that and had kids pretty quickly and seem happy.

If you don't think he's seeing anyone else and you don't want to see anyone else, then chill and see where this goes. Some guys aren't all about PDA or telling everyone "this is my girlfriend" - it's implied.

Anonymous wrote:
The claim that a healthy man can't fall in love with a woman until he has sex with her. Way to dismiss men's emotional capacity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wow!

What's so shocking?

Anonymous wrote:
Wow!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So a guy can't fall in love with a woman until he sleeps with her.

A healthy man can't fall in love with a woman until he sleeps with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why that book "the rules" was a huge best seller all those years ago - it is based on the idea that men want a "chase" and that women shouldn't put all their cards on the table too soon or be too available. I don't really buy into that stuff and it makes me cringe but I wonder if there is any truth to it.

Guy here. I don't want a chase, and if you play games and make it that much more difficult, I'll find someone else to date. This is DC, I have options. It's that simple.

Anonymous wrote:
So a guy can't fall in love with a woman until he sleeps with her.