Anonymous
05/30/2014 20:03
Subject: Mother in law physically limited and in denial about it
Anonymous wrote:I have bad arthritis in my hands, wrists, and elbows, and a one-year-old. I carry the baby in a way that sounds similar to the way your MIL does, and I have never dropped him. So cut her some slack on that, especially if she's sitting down while holding your baby.
I agree that she is out of line with the snapping and other responses to your requests.
You may find that as the child gets older and more independent, you'll be more open to letting your MIL watch him for an afternoon or maybe even an overnight. I can't think of a tactful way to say that, but if you can, it might be worth putting out there, as a peace offering.
Thanks for responding! And your perspective is extremely helpful. It's possible that it wouldn't be so bad if it were just the arms, but her knees are bad and she can't move quickly in general. We don't mind her holding the baby sitting down, but she isn't receptive to simple direction (put your arm under the baby's legs) and the baby slips down and almost falls every time. Yeah, as a baby there is no way I can leave her alone with her - she could not pick her up out of a crib or put her down in one. When older/more independent, I would be open to it but only if she quits exhibiting extremely poor judgment at every turn.
Anonymous
05/30/2014 14:51
Subject: Mother in law physically limited and in denial about it
I have bad arthritis in my hands, wrists, and elbows, and a one-year-old. I carry the baby in a way that sounds similar to the way your MIL does, and I have never dropped him. So cut her some slack on that, especially if she's sitting down while holding your baby.
I agree that she is out of line with the snapping and other responses to your requests.
You may find that as the child gets older and more independent, you'll be more open to letting your MIL watch him for an afternoon or maybe even an overnight. I can't think of a tactful way to say that, but if you can, it might be worth putting out there, as a peace offering.
I agree that she is out of line with the snapping and other responses to your requests.
You may find that as the child gets older and more independent, you'll be more open to letting your MIL watch him for an afternoon or maybe even an overnight. I can't think of a tactful way to say that, but if you can, it might be worth putting out there, as a peace offering.
Anonymous
05/30/2014 12:37
Subject: Mother in law physically limited and in denial about it
Agreeing with everyone recommending being direct and firm. Obviously, be as kind as possible, but be direct.
I have a similar dynamic but w/ my father. He is frail and unsteady but refuses to acknoweldge his limitations. I was extremely uncomfortable having him hold our babies or try to move anywhere.
So I just had to lay down some rules. He could never carry a baby anywhere, was never left alone w/ a baby (though we didn't say that - we just made sure someone else always was close by), and I told him very directly that I just wasn't comfortable that he could catch a squirming baby if need be.
it's really tough to do, but you just keep the welfare of your child in the forefront of your mind. It's your job to protect the baby. If Grandma isn't safe and/or won't take necessary precautions, then Grandma doesn't get to be alone with the baby.
Good luck. Glad to hear that your husband agrees with you - that's at least half the battle!
I have a similar dynamic but w/ my father. He is frail and unsteady but refuses to acknoweldge his limitations. I was extremely uncomfortable having him hold our babies or try to move anywhere.
So I just had to lay down some rules. He could never carry a baby anywhere, was never left alone w/ a baby (though we didn't say that - we just made sure someone else always was close by), and I told him very directly that I just wasn't comfortable that he could catch a squirming baby if need be.
it's really tough to do, but you just keep the welfare of your child in the forefront of your mind. It's your job to protect the baby. If Grandma isn't safe and/or won't take necessary precautions, then Grandma doesn't get to be alone with the baby.
Good luck. Glad to hear that your husband agrees with you - that's at least half the battle!
Anonymous
05/30/2014 11:32
Subject: Mother in law physically limited and in denial about it
DH definitely needs to talk with her.
But when she says "Mommy has spoken"? Smile a big smile, and say something like, "Yep, exactly!" Or "Yep, I am in charge of my children just like you were in charge of yours!"
But when she says "Mommy has spoken"? Smile a big smile, and say something like, "Yep, exactly!" Or "Yep, I am in charge of my children just like you were in charge of yours!"