If she doesn't have a ton of friends....the last thing she needs is her mother rejecting her. You should have said yes and then on another occasion suggested she call her tennis teammates to schedule a game.

OP, this post made me cry and realize I need to find more ways to say yes to my kids. It's hard if you're the type -- like I am -- who wants to just quick make the bed or finish this work memo or this, this, this.... And then the moment is lost.
I hope you apologize to your daughter, tell her how much you love playing with her and grab your racket.

your 17 year old daughter is asking to play tennis with you don't have the time because of housework and a job? am I reading this right?? I have small children so my frame of reference might be off but this sounds like an AWESOME problem. I couldn't stand to be near my mom for longer than 5 minutes at a time at that age!

Also, this makes me think of Cats in the Cradle. Read the words carefully...

"Cat's In The Cradle"

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home, Dad
I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home, Dad
I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son
I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home son
I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then

She's 17. She needs you. Schedule time in advance and put it on the calender - weekly, monthly... whatever works for both of you. Make it a priority appointment and schedule work and housework around it.

You're lucky your 17 year old wants to spend time with you. This is where you can make or break your future adult relationship with her. Do you want her to want to take you wedding dress shopping, and invite you to spend time with her when she has a baby? Solidify your relationship now before it's too late.

Anonymous wrote:Not inappropriate at all. It sounds like your daughter just maybe wants to spend more time with you and to know you're there for her. It's not about the tennis, it's about your relationship with your daughter. I think it's nice that she wants to have that closeness with you.

Ditto. In a couple years you'll wish you could still spend this time with her. Clean your house after she goes to college!

You. Spend time with your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:Let the housework slide a bit and go play tennis with her. She's 17. Soon she'll be too busy for you...

+1

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. She doesn't have a ton of friends and is on a tennis team, so my suggestion was mostly just to make sure she stays connected to her teammates.

My mom would never play games with us growing up and didn't seem to particularly enjoy being a parent. Guess who sits alone now in her old age? The mother who couldn't be bothered to spend time with their kids and build a relationship with them doing things they enjoy. Build memories. Your daughter is going to be busy with a live of her own very soon. Housework can wait. Your job can wait. Errands can wait. Make sure your daughter knows she can count on you.

My instinct was the same as everyone else's. Your 17 year old daughter wants to spend time with you in a pleasant activity. WTF is wrong with you? You should be jumping at every opportunity to do this. Won't she be going to college soon? You are lucky she even wants to be in the same room with you at 17. All I wanted was to hang with my friends and count the days until I went to college. Don't get me wrong, I love/loved my parents but I wanted to be with my peers way more at that age.

Agree with everyone here - she wants to spend more time with you. You said it yourself, making time has been difficult. Your suggestion wasn't wrong at all...you wanted her to have someone to play with and that's fine. However she took it as you saying you don't have the time and you'd rather have someone else spend time with her Talk to her again and clear this up and try to figure out a way to spend more time with her!

Anonymous wrote:Your kid wants to be with you. That's a gift. Take it.

Yes - this.

Who's in the wrong?! Yikes. If forced to answer that question I'd say you are. Your daughter wants to spend time with you. Your teenage daughter. I hope I'm lucky enough to have that when mine is a teenager, and I hope that I always put requests for more time with me at the top of my priority list.