FruminousBandersnatch
05/26/2014 11:00
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.
Actually no, they started dating months after he did what he did to me - they just hid it from me. -OP
So you're saying that your sister started dating a guy 5 years ago, got pregnant at some point, had a baby and now they are getting married and this is the first time you've ever heard that it was the guy you dated?
I'd say that you and your sister aren't close, anyway.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:51
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.
Actually no, they started dating months after he did what he did to me - they just hid it from me. -OP
Given how fragile you are, why didn't you respect yourself enough to not sleep with a guy you'd dated a few times while on the rebound?
Oh my gosh, what a helpful comment! Tool.
It's solid advice without any high-calorie, frosting.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:48
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.
Actually no, they started dating months after he did what he did to me - they just hid it from me. -OP
Given how fragile you are, why didn't you respect yourself enough to not sleep with a guy you'd dated a few times while on the rebound?
Oh my gosh, what a helpful comment! Tool.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:38
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Thirty years old, third marriage and several different kids by several different men?
No reason to be upset about not being invited to the "wedding".
Just be glad you don't have to spend money on a gift for a sham marriage that will last maybe months..
No reason to be upset about not being invited to the "wedding".
Just be glad you don't have to spend money on a gift for a sham marriage that will last maybe months..
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:33
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
This all sounds like a trashy tv show.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:33
Subject: Re:I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:OP focus on this instead:
1) You dodged a bullet. Your sister is taking that bullet, although she doesn't know it yet.
2) Their daughter. Focus on their daughter, on trying to see her as an independent person and an innocent in all this.
This is an issue in our family, my SIL is a total b*** and we're now estranged but we do see the kids a couple times a year. My DH dislikes our SIL so much he has trouble liking the kids, and we work on this.
I don't think you need to go out of your way to spend time with the niece, because obviously you are estranged from the parents, but just try to keep an open heart for the niece. One day she may need you; need your guidance so you want to have the door open for her.
This is great advice, thank you. I really appreciate it. - OP
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:32
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You used him for comfort on the rebound, he used you for sex. Neither of you were really interested in the other, you just saw how you could each get your needs met through the other. You might have discarded him shortly after as well.
If it was 5 years ago and they hid it from you for a year and a half then they didn't start dating months after. He might be treating your sister great. Their relationship might not have been built on getting needs met like your dating was.
Holding this against your sister is a bit ridiculous. You had a few dates with him - that was it. Your sister has a relationship and a child with him.
My sister is also 30 years old with three other children by two different men...and this will be her third marriage. My sister isn't so good with relationships herself which is why I think she could have picked someone else to shack up with for a few years until she moves on to the next.
Doesn't matter. He still picked her over you.
To clarify, I am totally okay with him picking someone else that isn't me - besides my sister. I am thankful to be where I am today. I met my now boyfriend soon after my fling with my sister's fiance. I agree that him and I would have never worked out, it just wasn't in the cards. and I also know that we both used each other for things that we needed at the time. I needed comfort and he needed sex - I agree on all of that.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:28
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You used him for comfort on the rebound, he used you for sex. Neither of you were really interested in the other, you just saw how you could each get your needs met through the other. You might have discarded him shortly after as well.
If it was 5 years ago and they hid it from you for a year and a half then they didn't start dating months after. He might be treating your sister great. Their relationship might not have been built on getting needs met like your dating was.
Holding this against your sister is a bit ridiculous. You had a few dates with him - that was it. Your sister has a relationship and a child with him.
My sister is also 30 years old with three other children by two different men...and this will be her third marriage. My sister isn't so good with relationships herself which is why I think she could have picked someone else to shack up with for a few years until she moves on to the next.
Doesn't matter. He still picked her over you.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:28
Subject: Re:I will NEVER forgive my sister
OP focus on this instead:
1) You dodged a bullet. Your sister is taking that bullet, although she doesn't know it yet.
2) Their daughter. Focus on their daughter, on trying to see her as an independent person and an innocent in all this.
This is an issue in our family, my SIL is a total b*** and we're now estranged but we do see the kids a couple times a year. My DH dislikes our SIL so much he has trouble liking the kids, and we work on this.
I don't think you need to go out of your way to spend time with the niece, because obviously you are estranged from the parents, but just try to keep an open heart for the niece. One day she may need you; need your guidance so you want to have the door open for her.
1) You dodged a bullet. Your sister is taking that bullet, although she doesn't know it yet.
2) Their daughter. Focus on their daughter, on trying to see her as an independent person and an innocent in all this.
This is an issue in our family, my SIL is a total b*** and we're now estranged but we do see the kids a couple times a year. My DH dislikes our SIL so much he has trouble liking the kids, and we work on this.
I don't think you need to go out of your way to spend time with the niece, because obviously you are estranged from the parents, but just try to keep an open heart for the niece. One day she may need you; need your guidance so you want to have the door open for her.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:27
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you're in victim mode 5 years later? You had a rebound fling with this guy and that's a two-way street, not something he did to you. You think he used you for sex; didn't you use him for comfort and sex? I just don't understand that line of thinking. We're all using each other?
Maybe he went into your fling for sex. Maybe he went into it looking for something more but then came to conclusion you two weren't a match, or one or both of you weren't ready. Why assume the worst of intentions when you could assume that he, like you, went into things with good faith?
Your sister and her fiancé probably waited until their relationship was serious to tell you to avoid unnecessary drama and to give time for you to get over your feelings about your brief fling. Seems they were right to be cautious about sharing their news.
If my sister was openly disapproving of my relationship and especially if she treated my child poorly or unfairly, I don't think I'd be able to invite her to my wedding either.
Go see a counselor to talk through your feelings and work toward letting this go. Find a way to forgive for yourself--because the pain and anger you are carrying will affect you more than anyone.
I don't understand this line of thinking. Why would the sister even go after a guy that she knows has been with her own sister? How is this OP's issue?
My guess is a very small town with few eligible and desirable men.
I'd have more sympathy if OP and the guy had been in a real relationship.
4-5 dates and she gave up the cookie? No, she knew this wasn't happily ever after. Why take him off the market for her sister? Cousins? Close friends?
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:26
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:You used him for comfort on the rebound, he used you for sex. Neither of you were really interested in the other, you just saw how you could each get your needs met through the other. You might have discarded him shortly after as well.
If it was 5 years ago and they hid it from you for a year and a half then they didn't start dating months after. He might be treating your sister great. Their relationship might not have been built on getting needs met like your dating was.
Holding this against your sister is a bit ridiculous. You had a few dates with him - that was it. Your sister has a relationship and a child with him.
My sister is also 30 years old with three other children by two different men...and this will be her third marriage. My sister isn't so good with relationships herself which is why I think she could have picked someone else to shack up with for a few years until she moves on to the next.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:26
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.
Not cool to fuck your sister's discards.
Doesn't have to be cool to be fair to build a life with someone who wants to build a life with you.
OP lacked what this guy wanted. Her sister has it. So he's gonna put a ring on it. OP is jealous of her sister and still torching for the guy.
I am far from jealous of what my sister has with him. It's just that fact that it's HIM. Yes, it was my choice to sleep with him and do whatever we did together. So, it isn't all his fault. Looking at him now, he is nothing that I would ever to be in a relationship with. I'm only hurt because now I have to sit at family functions with a guy who knows what I look like when I am naked. Who is also fathering my sister's baby.
If anything, she can't deal with the fact that him and I slept together because she can't even invite me to her wedding. When I questioned her about it she said "that it would be uncomftable for him" WTF does she think it's been like for me for the past 4 years?
Get over yourself. He is not investing as much time and energy thinking about you as you imagine he is.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:25
Subject: Re:I will NEVER forgive my sister
I can't believe the responses you are getting, OP. I too would be absolutely livid. She doesn't even have the decency to tell her future husband that he has treat you with respect? She is excluding you from the wedding? I think your hurt comes from the way they are treating you NOW, not the fling ( though it doesn't sound great either). I am so sorry. This is disgraceful.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:24
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.
Not cool to fuck your sister's discards.
Doesn't have to be cool to be fair to build a life with someone who wants to build a life with you.
OP lacked what this guy wanted. Her sister has it. So he's gonna put a ring on it. OP is jealous of her sister and still torching for the guy.
I am far from jealous of what my sister has with him. It's just that fact that it's HIM. Yes, it was my choice to sleep with him and do whatever we did together. So, it isn't all his fault. Looking at him now, he is nothing that I would ever to be in a relationship with. I'm only hurt because now I have to sit at family functions with a guy who knows what I look like when I am naked. Who is also fathering my sister's baby.
If anything, she can't deal with the fact that him and I slept together because she can't even invite me to her wedding. When I questioned her about it she said "that it would be uncomftable for him" WTF does she think it's been like for me for the past 4 years?
Next time, think before you f*ck. People run into their exes and hookups at social functions. Adults don't let it produce this much rage.
Anonymous
05/26/2014 10:24
Subject: I will NEVER forgive my sister
Appalachian Emergency Room.