Anonymous wrote:So, my college aged DC is home from school for the summer and living with us. Our second DC just graduated HS and is ready to kick back before heading to college. Youngest DC in HS is just being the typical moody teen -- lovely and chatty one moment and sullen, oversensitive the next. Two older ones are working (thank goodness) but they are all living with us. Our grocery bill is through the roof, there is always someone who needs help fixing a car, handling some aspect of adult living, and the money is literally streaming out the door! It occurs to me that they are "almost adults" but not quite -- capable of doing so much, yet lacking the experience and foresight to handle a lot of their responsibilities. It's almost enought to make me wish for the baby years (well, not quite, but you get the picture).

Now don't get me wrong. They are all good kids and it's great to have the entire family together again for the summer. But really? This is insane. Any sage advice from the older set who've been through this?

Not there yet -- I have teens. Noticing a similarity to the preschool years. Moody, irrational, highly energetic, seems like a lot of expensive eating, fixing of the "toys" (cars), paying for the preschool (college) worrying -- active but mind not yet fully engaged.
But I see people 10 years ahead, and it is very quiet -- they have moved on into real adult life (the parents, that is!)

You need to allow them to be adults. Which means, they PAY their own bills. They also need to help with chores, making meals etc.

Part of growing up is figuring out how to handle things. It's ok if they ask you for advice, but they shouldn't ask you to do things for them (paperwork etc).

I cannot wait to look back so lovingly at these times, but at the present I am going broke with car repairs, Sat prep, tuition, etc. I sure hope they like me later, 'cause they are eating right through my retirement!

23:45: I envy you!

Remeber when your first was waking all the time and you thought he would never sleep through the night. Well, eventually he did, and looking back at it was only a few months. This period passed much more quickly with the second, or at least seemed to because you weren't so concerned it would never end.

The period you are in is like this. Right now it seems like they should be totally independent, but they are not yet ready. Believe me, they will leave soon for good and you will miss them, so cherish this amazing time of life with them. Mine are now in the forties and I am thrilled with being a grandma, but I remember this period well. We even had their friends and a niece move in for awhile.

Although it seems they are not listening to you, they are actually watching and listening carefully. They are learning how to be adults based on your behavior. They are also learning how to parent.

I am amazed at my three grown daughters. By the time they were thirty they were all very busy being moms, career women, and wives. They all learned every skill they needed to to be completely independent. They rarely ask for any help, but I offer to help in any way I can. They are grateful.

This year I had some health problems and they cared for me lovingly. So for right now just try to relax, go with the flow, and enjoy your young adults.

I'm 6:33 from above. I'm glad others enjoyed the post and just want to add that ITA with those who've emphasized the pleasures of having young adult children back home for the summer or even for just a weekend. Amidst all the commotion, we have some really lovely conversations -- about current events, what they learned in philosophy, and their dreams, joys and heartaches. They introduce us to technology, culture -- both pop and haut, and the latest slang. And we have fun together -- we cook, we play Scrabble, tennis or Wii games, we travel, we watch movies that do not have Pixels. This is a real sweet spot of parenting when you watch them grow and stretch their wings.

I have a 19 yr old and 22 yr old and made a big point of having them carry the weight. I'd hand them a shopping list and $120 and send them off food shopping. When they'd announce a problem my response was "How do you think you should handle that?" (I actually started that much earlier)

I insisted they be courteous - you don't have to be home for dinner, but let me know whether you will or won't, and around what time you'll be home so I don't worry.