I didn't read the replies (yet) but wanted to say you're an awesome parent.

I cry at every single IEP meeting. It sucks.

My child was getting plenty of therapy throughout his "windows." Still his brain was wired differently, and his window was on a totally different time frame than the typical child.

The whole window of opportunity is problematic because parents drain their bank accounts and throw away their kid's childhoods on therapies that may or may not make a difference. I know parents who bankrupted themselves -- and their child's outcome is similar to mine, who had much fewer therapies.

The "success" of early intervention is also propped up because they are servicing many kids who would have caught up normally:

http://deevybee.blogspot.com/2011/09/early-intervention-whats-not-to-like.html

Early intervention: What's not to like?

"If a child has language problems, when would be the best age to intervene? ...

There is, however, a problem with early intervention that is easily overlooked, but which is well-documented in the case of children’s language problems. This is the phenomenon of the "late bloomer". Quite simply, the earlier you identify children’s language difficulties, the higher the proportion of cases will prove to be "false positives" who spontaneously move into the normal range without any intervention.

If you provide an intervention for a condition that spontaneously improves, it is easy to become convinced that you’ve been effective. Parents were very positive about the intervention program. There was remarkably good attendance, and when asked to rate specific features of the program and its effects, around three quarters of the parents gave positive responses. This may explain why both parents and professionals find it hard to believe such interventions have no impact: they do see improvement. Only if you do a properly controlled trial will the lack of effect become apparent, not because treated children don’t improve, but rather because the control group gets better as well. "

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP -

I'm in your exact shoes right now. When I feel discouraged with the system, I take a step back and look at how far he has come and where he will be one day - not because the system worked but because we did pay for private services to start early interventions. Windows of opportunities close so quickly with kids. Early interventions are always the best and you can't just sit on your heels and wait for the system to kick in. Hang in there. Keep advocating for your child and keep supporting him/her.

I've started notebooks to keep our own examples of work and my child's difficulties. I correspond via email with teachers and keep copies in the notebooks to document the discussions. For meetings, I bring in these documents to show concerns that may not be reflective in the teacher reports because they always choose my child's best work (work with the aid of a tutor). Our tutor comes to the meetings to explain what she see working one on one with my child and she advocates for accommodations that she thinks would be helpful.

You are a good, caring parent. Good luck. I don't know a single parent who hasn't been so frustrated at the bureaucracy of IEP meetings that they haven't shed tears. That's why there is several tissue boxes on the table for every meeting.

Please stop spreading this hateful -- and incorrect -- information. Windows of opportunities do not close. One expert told me my son would not talk after he passed the age of 4 because he had missed his "window." Another told me I'd need to be patient, and that it would be closer to 9 before my child's language truly came in, even with aggressive therapy. The second expert was the correct one.

Perhaps the following link and will provide some common insight about child development and why early intervention is essential for children who begin to miss developmental mild-stones. School systems sometimes delay interventions because of the built in bureaucracy of the special education process or with the wait and see attitude that the skills will come on their own with maturity. The "wait and see" approach greatly contradicts evidence from human development research and there is significant long term consequence for the child.

http://www.g-w.com/pdf/sampchap/9781590708132_ch04.pdf

Windows of OpportunityThe brain has a remarkable capacity to change. However, timing is important. The parts of the brain develop at different times and different rates. Studies show that there are windows of opportunity, or a specific span of time, for the normal development of certain types of skills. During these key times, appropriate stimulation is needed for the brain synapses to link easily and efficiently. After these key periods, chances for creating stable, long-lasting pathways in the brain tend to diminish. Learning will continue to occur for the remainder of the person’s life. However, the skill mastery level may not be as high.

We dads sometimes cry, or at least choke up, too at times in these meetings.

Anonymous wrote:A better question is when haven't I cried at an IEP meeting!

+100. I thought exactly this when I read the thread title.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever NOT cried during an IEP meeting?

I'm lucky that my tears are from gratitude, though. Our school rocks. I know that isn't the case everywhere.

Me but did not realize how fortunate I was until reading this thread. It's helpful that we always start off the meeting with each team member listing a strength and/or how wonderful my SN child is.

I'm so sorry for those of you whose school makes the process so painful.

Sure. I will cry when or wherever when it relates to advocating for my dc. No shame. I cry out of love, grief (about the situation we are in) and frustration with the system.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP -

I'm in your exact shoes right now. When I feel discouraged with the system, I take a step back and look at how far he has come and where he will be one day - not because the system worked but because we did pay for private services to start early interventions. Windows of opportunities close so quickly with kids. Early interventions are always the best and you can't just sit on your heels and wait for the system to kick in. Hang in there. Keep advocating for your child and keep supporting him/her.

I've started notebooks to keep our own examples of work and my child's difficulties. I correspond via email with teachers and keep copies in the notebooks to document the discussions. For meetings, I bring in these documents to show concerns that may not be reflective in the teacher reports because they always choose my child's best work (work with the aid of a tutor). Our tutor comes to the meetings to explain what she see working one on one with my child and she advocates for accommodations that she thinks would be helpful.

You are a good, caring parent. Good luck. I don't know a single parent who hasn't been so frustrated at the bureaucracy of IEP meetings that they haven't shed tears. That's why there is several tissue boxes on the table for every meeting.

Please stop spreading this hateful -- and incorrect -- information. Windows of opportunities do not close. One expert told me my son would not talk after he passed the age of 4 because he had missed his "window." Another told me I'd need to be patient, and that it would be closer to 9 before my child's language truly came in, even with aggressive therapy. The second expert was the correct one.

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I cried at our last one too. I honestly thought my DS would not be pushed into XXX many hours of special ed but the IEP team felt he still needed this much support (basically 10 hours a week in special ed). Every year I have this crazy idea in my head "oh no, this year will be better, he will be fully mainstreamed) and then smack. On the other hand, he made it to AAP this year, kudos to my geeky boy.

This is me/us - except for AAP. What's that?

Our 11 yr old DS has had an IEP since 1st grade. Now he's going into 6th and I had visions and fantasies of walking into our most recent IEP meeting with - "YOUR DS IS DOING SO GREAT, HE NO LONGER NEEDS AN IEP"....then I get smacked with reality of "...he's improved this year but nothing is changing in his IEP". 10 hours a week.

I cried when DS first got his ADHD/LD diagnoses. And it was 100% because of the piss-poor private psych and his lack of bedside manner. He literally made us feel like our DS would not achieve a goddamned thing in his life. He would forever be on the short bus, never have friends, work as a grocery sacker, and live with us forever. Mind you he didn't say these actual words but he might as well have. I was so sick and depressed. If these doctors only realized the sheer power of their words. how positive words can literally change the trajectory and direction of a person's life. Or vice versa as in our case.

I had an algebra teacher in HS who once told me and my mom (private, high brow school FWIW) that I would amount to "less than a secretary" because of my lack of math skills. Her words literally changed how I saw myself and my goals for my future. I pretty much said "fuck it, I'm going to MC and I hope THEY accept me...". It wasn't till I hit my 30s that I realized how wrong that teacher was. Funny though, 30 yrs later and she still haunts my memory.

The Principal became extremely irritated during our first IEP meeting: raised her voice and tried to bully the rest of the team into disagreeing with me.

They didn't, bless them. They agreed with my request. Was she pissed off! She hasn't been to an IEP meeting since, the vice-principal comes and she's much more neutral and informative.

I cried as soon as I got out of that first meeting. Too much tension.
Like you, I had been explaining how delayed he was and how much intervention he really needed. 3 years of Montessori education, speech therapy, OT, working diligently with me at home, came back to haunt me that day. I felt disgusted that my son should have worked so hard from birth to overcome all these obstacles and that his work would count against him.

Bear up, OP.
It will get better.

OP here. Thanks for all the kind words. I'm feeling stronger than I did yesterday (but am looking forward to more wine tonight). I've finished wallowing in misery and am starting to regroup/change tactics as a PP suggested. Thanks, again, and hugs to you all!

Has anyone ever NOT cried during an IEP meeting?

I'm lucky that my tears are from gratitude, though. Our school rocks. I know that isn't the case everywhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a team member shout, not exactly AT me, but about me. Sigh. Still not sure how to address that one.

Are you joking? Of course you need to address it. If they are unable to keep their cool with adults, God only knows how they act in front of our vulnerable children.

I had the Principal yell at me during an "introductory meet and greet" IEP meeting and she was completely in the wrong. It was billed as a "welcome to school, lest get to know each other" in the second week of school, and it turned into- we think your child doesn't need all the accommodations he is currently receiving. It was horrible. Then, she acted like we were meeting for the first time at annual IEP meeting three months later .

Anonymous wrote:I had a team member shout, not exactly AT me, but about me. Sigh. Still not sure how to address that one.

Are you joking? Of course you need to address it. If they are unable to keep their cool with adults, God only knows how they act in front of our vulnerable children.

Haven't yet, but sure I will. Am I'm tough as nails.

Don't feel bad at all. This is your KID.

I was in one and the VP of the school choked up talking about our son. These folks do have feelings and are often as constrained as we are in getting what the IEP thinks it really needs from a system that holds the purse strings.