Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not quite sure how this is a huge problem when you only see them once or twice a year...you can't suck it up and deal with her being bitchy twice a year for the sake of your relationship with your brother? I'd suck it up. If it was twice a month, well then I think you'd need a game plan...

This. It seems to me that once or twice a year is already limited contact. You really can't put up with her twice a year for the sake of having a relationship with your brother? Frankly, you're giving her way too much power. I have an awful SIL, but I can deal with her for a few days twice a year because my husband loves his brother and wants to be able to stay in touch.

NP. It sounds like the drama is happening at holiday gatherings. In that case, I wouldn't want to deal with a grown adult acting like a toddler once or twice a year either. I prefer for my kids to have a happy Christmas experience.

Perhaps, yeah. I still think I'd just avoid the holidays then and see them another time. Make your own plan for Xmas or Tday and have a different weekend ruined with the snotty 'tude. My SIL is a nightmare (my husband's sister) and I see her regularly. I'd LOVE to have to only see her at Xmas or Tday...

Please don't exclude your brother. My mom is a royal bitch and I don't have a close relationship with my dad's siblings because of it. My adult cousins go on vacations together and are close - and it hurts that I'm not included despite letting them know I'm available. They are friendly with me, but I don't have the bond they do b/c I missed out on a lot of family things growing up.

We have some one like this and it's awkward but our family doesn't reward drama - whether it's the 2 year old who thinks she'll get another serving of ice cream if she cries long enough, the teenager who slams the door when curfew isn't extended, or the crazy IL who clearly doesn't want to be there. Ignore ignore ignore. Do not engage. Carry on with the family fun with those who are actually willing and wanting to interact with you.

If your SIL wants to storm off in a huff, let her. It's none of your business. Carry on with the family festivities. When she's ready to rejoin, she will. She's a grown up, no need to chase after her, or try to get her to use her words instead. She'll do her thing, you continue to do yours.

If you want to continue having a good relationship with your brother, interact with him directly, let it be known you're there to listen if he wants to talk, but if not - just stay interested in his life and let him know what's going on with yours. Be welcoming and kind to the SIL but if she wants/needs space, respect that too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not quite sure how this is a huge problem when you only see them once or twice a year...you can't suck it up and deal with her being bitchy twice a year for the sake of your relationship with your brother? I'd suck it up. If it was twice a month, well then I think you'd need a game plan...

This. It seems to me that once or twice a year is already limited contact. You really can't put up with her twice a year for the sake of having a relationship with your brother? Frankly, you're giving her way too much power. I have an awful SIL, but I can deal with her for a few days twice a year because my husband loves his brother and wants to be able to stay in touch.

NP. It sounds like the drama is happening at holiday gatherings. In that case, I wouldn't want to deal with a grown adult acting like a toddler once or twice a year either. I prefer for my kids to have a happy Christmas experience.

Anonymous wrote:If my siblings are happy with their spouses, I will force myself to like them.

Why? Because I love my siblings and will want to continue to have a relationship with them. So, I will manage their spouses and let them have their little victories in the small things that seem to matter to ILs - because I am not going to sweat the small stuff.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:I'm not quite sure how this is a huge problem when you only see them once or twice a year...you can't suck it up and deal with her being bitchy twice a year for the sake of your relationship with your brother? I'd suck it up. If it was twice a month, well then I think you'd need a game plan...

This. It seems to me that once or twice a year is already limited contact. You really can't put up with her twice a year for the sake of having a relationship with your brother? Frankly, you're giving her way too much power. I have an awful SIL, but I can deal with her for a few days twice a year because my husband loves his brother and wants to be able to stay in touch.

I'm not quite sure how this is a huge problem when you only see them once or twice a year...you can't suck it up and deal with her being bitchy twice a year for the sake of your relationship with your brother? I'd suck it up. If it was twice a month, well then I think you'd need a game plan...

Thanks PP. that is very helpful.