Anonymous wrote:God, I am so glad I am not married.

Anonymous wrote:My husband tries, so I pick my battles. He wanted to put my laptop in the overhead compartment. I asked to put it under the seat in front of me. He said that it would be fine. I said that it would really be better if I put it under the seat. He insisted it would be fine. This is the same discussion about a lot of thing. I usually insist that I know what's best for me. But, I can't be a bitchy wife all of the time. So it rides up there on the way there fine. On the way back, it has hard drive damage. Can't get it to start. He's an IT guy. Checked a few things. Says it will cost more to repair than to buy new. OMFG. In the middle of a huge project, I have to buy a new computer. I want to scream. I'm eating ice cream and drinking wine instead. I blame him. But, he doesn't see this as his fault. I do. I blame him. Story of my life. I wish he would see how he contributed to the problem and just say that he "knows he said we should stow it, but he doesn't think that contributed." Instead, to get what I need, the admission that maybe we shouldn't have stowed it, it requires a fight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communications issues!! So many issues here. First of all, it's NOT being bitchy to put your laptop where you want it. You should have just said, "let's put it under the seat," and that would have been the end of that. Not sure why you thought you had to be bitchy to accomplish that -- is it originating from you, or from him (like he won't back down unless you are bitch about it), or a combination of the two? It's your belonging, you get to decide where it goes.

Second of all, and this one is all on you, why do you care about forcing an admission from him that he's to blame? Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but "forcing an admission" doesn't get you anywhere. Instead you have to address the real thing here - whatever dynamic you guys have that made it so you couldn't just simply express your valid preference to put your own belonging where you wanted it to go.

This isn't about what happened to the laptop at all. The question is why you guys communicate so poorly.

I suppose that it's because we both think the other is some degree of an idiot because of inflated self-importance. This and a major marital hiccup that will take time to recover from. But, everyone has hiccups. And, while we've gone through some degree of counseling, we have a ways to go.

I didn't say "force an admission." PP, you have to be careful to use quotations in this context when actually quoting people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Accidents happen. I don't understand how there is a relationship between putting the laptop in the overhead compartment and a dead hard drive.

Turbulence tosses luggage, which hits laptop. Hard drive needle connects with disk, rendering laptop unusable. Or, other hardware is damaged by being jostled. Under the seat, there is no luggage being tossed around.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you feel a *news to blame anyone? For anything?

There is a whole psychology around blame, and none of its good. Not for your husband and not for YOU. You may think it makes you happy to be right and better and morally superior to your husband, but if you truly felt good, you wouldn't be writing here.

Try to focus more at being mad at the situation rather than mad at the person. Or in this case, the people. There would have been nothing wrong insisting you wanted the laptop with you. Focus instead on it sucks that the laptop is broken. Not your husband. For your own mental health. Blame is not productive. Problem solving is.