Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think both have resources to stay in a hotel, but married sibling has a bit more.

It's a tough situation. Sib B (single) has voluntarily taken the couch other times, and the last time we were all together so I think trading off is fair. She also made her travel plans first.

Sib C obviously needs more space. I feel like Sib C's spouse (SIL) may hold it against Sib B, she's a decent person but tends to hold grudges in weird ways, like she might not want Sib B to spend as much time with their child. She's a tricky one to get a feel for.

I'm the single sibling and my bil is like this. He expects his kids to get their own beds while I have to sleep on the couch. If my parents don't agree beforehand, he refuses to come. So a family of five gets three bedrooms and I'm supposed to get the couch. I think I should get one bedroom and they should get two. But my parents want to see the grand kids so they give in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think both have resources to stay in a hotel, but married sibling has a bit more.

It's a tough situation. Sib B (single) has voluntarily taken the couch other times, and the last time we were all together so I think trading off is fair. She also made her travel plans first.

Sib C obviously needs more space. I feel like Sib C's spouse (SIL) may hold it against Sib B, she's a decent person but tends to hold grudges in weird ways, like she might not want Sib B to spend as much time with their child. She's a tricky one to get a feel for.

I don't bow to that mess, your immaturity is your issue to deal with.

I was referring to the immaturity of people like your SIL

Sibling C gets the guest room and sibling B gets the couch (or, like a PP mentioned, pick up an aerobed -- they are only like $50 for a queen size and much more comfortable). Otherwise, sibling with toddler can only visit until the beginning of the bedtime routine (usually like 7pm) when they will have to go back to hotel, which means even having dinner plans is hard -- if they are staying in the guest room, they can simply bathe and put the toddler down and everyone can relax and enjoy each others' company until the adults go to sleep (usually a good 3-4 additional hours).

I have been both the single sibling and the married with toddler sibling. Our family does the "whoever needs it more" approach. I NEVER minded when I was single, because I saw how much harder my siblings with kids had it. And when I had a toddler, my younger single sister was always happy to let me have the guest room. But we are close and aren't the type to be all "I made reservations FIRST" when it comes to getting together.

I guess the alternative is that your family doesn't like to spend time together or the siblings hate the thought of taking care of each other when they need it most. But a single sibling who'd be okay with taking the guest room over a married, toddler-having sibling seems pretty selfish. I sort of miss the simplicity of the couch (and not having a kid!)

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think both have resources to stay in a hotel, but married sibling has a bit more.

It's a tough situation. Sib B (single) has voluntarily taken the couch other times, and the last time we were all together so I think trading off is fair. She also made her travel plans first.

Sib C obviously needs more space. I feel like Sib C's spouse (SIL) may hold it against Sib B, she's a decent person but tends to hold grudges in weird ways, like she might not want Sib B to spend as much time with their child. She's a tricky one to get a feel for.

I don't bow to that mess, your immaturity is your issue to deal with.

Anonymous wrote:First to RSVP gets the guest room. Single non parents don't always want to be relegated to the couch.

Yep, 1st come first served. Heck, if I know I am going to visit someone with limited guest accomodations, I always ASSUME that a hotel stay may be in my future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know; I already got picked on for saying the family gets the room, but you're either the type of extended family where staying in a hotel is anathema to getting together, or you're not. It would break my mother's heart if we stayed in a hotel when we came to visit. On the other hand, my ILs always stayed at a hotel when they visited DH, until after we married and I insisted they stay with us. We have so much more fun now

My parents still stay in a hotel and we have 3 extra rooms. Some people just like privacy.

That's exactly what I'm saying. It works for you.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know; I already got picked on for saying the family gets the room, but you're either the type of extended family where staying in a hotel is anathema to getting together, or you're not. It would break my mother's heart if we stayed in a hotel when we came to visit. On the other hand, my ILs always stayed at a hotel when they visited DH, until after we married and I insisted they stay with us. We have so much more fun now

My parents still stay in a hotel and we have 3 extra rooms. Some people just like privacy.

OP here. I think both have resources to stay in a hotel, but married sibling has a bit more.

It's a tough situation. Sib B (single) has voluntarily taken the couch other times, and the last time we were all together so I think trading off is fair. She also made her travel plans first.

Sib C obviously needs more space. I feel like Sib C's spouse (SIL) may hold it against Sib B, she's a decent person but tends to hold grudges in weird ways, like she might not want Sib B to spend as much time with their child. She's a tricky one to get a feel for.

Anonymous wrote:First to RSVP gets the guest room. Single non parents don't always want to be relegated to the couch.

+1000. Plus, it's easier to explain.

"I'm so sorry but we already offered Bobby the guestroom when he called last week! If only I had known! Here is the number of the local hotel. It has a pool the kids will love!"

Which sib has more resources to stay in a hotel?

I don't know; I already got picked on for saying the family gets the room, but you're either the type of extended family where staying in a hotel is anathema to getting together, or you're not. It would break my mother's heart if we stayed in a hotel when we came to visit. On the other hand, my ILs always stayed at a hotel when they visited DH, until after we married and I insisted they stay with us. We have so much more fun now

I'd rotate every other year.

Sibling B gets the guest room and everyone else stays in a hotel.

I think this depends somewhat on the personalities and relationships of siblings, but in my large extended family, whoever would benefit the most gets the beds and everyone else is cool with that. In your situation, that would be the family with a toddler. If sibling B had back problems or something though, she could stake a legitimate claim. A couple might get priority over a single person, since that means two people get to sleep in comfort over one - but the single person would be compensated for getting the shaft (either with a nice bottle of wine from Sibling C, the choice room on another trip, etc) and thanked profusely.

I'm the youngest of 4 kids, and have spent a fair amount of time being the one who spends Christmas eve sleeping on the pool table. It is what it is.

Do you have any other flexibility in arrangements though? When we have multiple families visiting, especially ones with young kids, we often give up our room & office (with air matress) to one family, host another in our guest room, and my husband and I take the couches or bunk with our kids. I've also shared my bed with my sister and my husband has taken the couch.

Sibling B gets the guest room because you already agreed to it. Sibling with kid gets a hotel. I'm pregnant and about to be that first sibling with a baby. We tend to be the first to offer to stay in a hotel anyway because we're oldest and can afford it.

I feel bad for the middle sister who is in married b/c she's single and ALWAYS gets the couch on shared house vacations and never complains. I think baby and I will skip ski week next year so middle sister can have her own room and bath and DH can take the couch.