I don't think you're being unrealistic at all (in my world, if you pay almost $40k a year, you have every right to expect this level of attention!). Just choose wisely, try to speak to as many current parents as you can. As you already know, not all privates are equal, so some might give more individualized attention than others. My dd is still in early elementary, but her teacher knows her well, which is evident in reading her report card and in meeting with her during the conferences. It's been a fantastic experience, and we're not a wealthy family. It's a bit of a financial sacrifice but it has been worth it so far. good luck to you and DCs!

You don't mention finances, but kids who qualify for financial aide are given access to opportunities at the Big3, that they could not get at public schools. For example these schools offer the opportunity for students to go overseas, or to play music with a professional orchestra. I really think my DC gets more individual attention than he/she would at a public school. But the student has to take ownership of his/her schooling, to reap full advantage. Of course, this is true of public schools as well.

Like many of the other posters, we chose private for our children for reasons similar to yours. We have found the individual attention to be exactly what we were looking for (so far, at least, in the elementary years). There was differentiated instruction from Kindergarten, with small reading groups, math groups, spelling groups, etc. If necessary, the groups are as small as 1 child. Between the classroom teacher, math specialist, and reading specialist, all of the children are working at their own level. Couldn't be happier!

op here. i appreciate all of the responses and i've been reading them avidly. most seem positive, although prior Pp hit the nail on exactly my concern. do you mind sharing which school, pp? we will not be looking at an religious schools and that really ehittles the list to a pretty small set of schools within the DC/MoCo area.

"(he is a day dreamer and gets away with not being fully engaged most of the day), and in the other instance because she is smart but does not seek challenges on her own and she easily completes the rote assignments and doesn't get pushed to do anything more. Both kids are bored at school (although happy socially)."

I'll be the voice of dissent that will say that this type of treatment happens at private too. I have two kids who are in private. One is a daydreamer and her engagement has depended on the teacher. I do think that she'd be lost in public, but not sure that private is bending over backwards to engage her when she drifts. The other was not pushed to her potential. Ideally I wanted the private to do what you are asking, but in practice it has not happened at our school (progressive).

We had to transfer our kids from Bethesda MCPS to a private school. We were frustrated with MCPS's huge class sizes, over reliance on worksheets for everything, 2.0, and hit or miss teachers. We couldn't be happier with our decision to switch to private and our kids are flourishing. Although it is a huge financial in investment, so far we feel it is worth every penny. My kids now LOVE going to school and are constantly being challenged.

OP,

We switched to private at Grade 7 for reasons similar to yours. (Just one child.) Stayed all the way through. It was a terrific choice for our child, and for our circumstances. (Not rich, but could swing tuition without FA.)