Anonymous
05/15/2014 11:57
Subject: Vent about in-laws
Don't take it personally, IL (MIL) will attend, everyone can't always fly out to attend everything. I have some ILs who never ever ever ever attended a single event in my children's lives. At least your MIL is representing them lol.
Anonymous
05/15/2014 11:35
Subject: Re:Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:OP,
Sorry that your ILs have hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, you cannot dictate how they behave. Even if they seem to favor their other grandkids, I don't think there's much you can do to change it. Just try to let it go.
My kids only have on grandmother b/c my mom passed away many years ago. It upsets me that they are stuck w/ her as their only 'grandma' but it is what it is. My MIL is an incredibly selfish person and would never lift a finger to help out. Example: when DC#1 was first born upon meeting her at 6 weeks announced that she would not change a single diaper. I was flabbergasted.especially since we had not asked her to do so. Besides how much pee does a newborn have in her diaper anyway? Later, when she visited, she refused to hold our DD for 20 minutes so I could go pump.
I just don't go out of my way for my ILs as a result of her behavior. She recently asked DH when she could come visit to meet DC#2 (who is 3 weeks old). My SIL told me that when her son was born our MIL came to visit and did not lift a single finger. She was nursing a newborn, incredibly sleep deprived and was now responsible for looking after the ILs and her husband, who had stopped helping out once his parents showed up. Based on this story and our interactions, I told my husband that we would not be entertaining any house guests, particularly, any that expect us to take care of them.
I would just be grateful that your parents are involved as is your SIL.
Do your kids have grandfathers? Did the grandfathers do anything? Why do people have kids and expect grandmothers to be baby sitters and maids?
Anonymous
05/15/2014 11:33
Subject: Re:Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:I think that if you planned an important event for a day when your FIL was flying out of town on a business trip, you really can't expect him to be there. Often on the day before a conference starts, there are networking activities that are not really optional. You MIL might not have known the schedule of events when she initially said he'd be there.
You could just have easily have moved the event, I would think? Stop being so high maintenance.
Anonymous
05/15/2014 11:27
Subject: Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is SIL the IL's daughter? That would explain why they're closer to her and her kids.
But I would focus on the fact that your parents are very involved and let the rest go.
This is ridiculous. MIL and FIL should not be treating OP this way, regardless. They sound like they probably were not great parents, OP, I am sorry.
Do not focus on them. Do not have any expectations from them.
Agreed, the fact that she is a DIL and not a daughter doesn't justify poor behavior, but I often hear women complain that ILs are closer to the SIL. To me, it's a natural situation. I'm more likely to be closer to my DD than a DIL.
i am still trying to figure out what the "poor behaviour" -- s*** i've missed events in my kid's life -BIG FREAKING WOOP.
Anonymous
05/15/2014 10:55
Subject: Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is SIL the IL's daughter? That would explain why they're closer to her and her kids.
But I would focus on the fact that your parents are very involved and let the rest go.
This is ridiculous. MIL and FIL should not be treating OP this way, regardless. They sound like they probably were not great parents, OP, I am sorry.
Do not focus on them. Do not have any expectations from them.
Agreed, the fact that she is a DIL and not a daughter doesn't justify poor behavior, but I often hear women complain that ILs are closer to the SIL. To me, it's a natural situation. I'm more likely to be closer to my DD than a DIL.
Anonymous
05/15/2014 10:06
Subject: Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:Is SIL the IL's daughter? That would explain why they're closer to her and her kids.
But I would focus on the fact that your parents are very involved and let the rest go.
This is ridiculous. MIL and FIL should not be treating OP this way, regardless. They sound like they probably were not great parents, OP, I am sorry.
Do not focus on them. Do not have any expectations from them.
Anonymous
05/14/2014 18:23
Subject: Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:You need to readjust your attitude. Your parents are the close grandparents and your in laws are not. Accept them for who they are. They've told you through their repeated actions exactly how close and invved they want to be. Accept that and focus more on the people who do make the effort and are interested and supportive of your family.
+1! Honestly you know you should let this go. Something tells me that if your FIL and MIL suddenly took a strong interest in your children, you'd hate that because you don't share an affinity with them. Appreciate that one SIL makes the effort you want and focus on other people who have the time and energy to enjoy your kids.
Your rant is probably the result of new parent fatigue, but don't go looking for conflict because you'll be guaranteed to find it. Just enjoy the day.
Anonymous
05/14/2014 18:18
Subject: Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:OP, you do realize you are being very preumtious expecting your father-in-law to "just take another flight". He doesn't have to do that. He can do whatever he pleases. You expecting him to take a different flight would be like him expecting you to have this event on another weekend. Why is your choice to have the event when you knew he had a conference any more valid then him taking a flight of his choosing? You sound obnoxious. Life isn't fair. I also pity your husband having to listen to you, and then deal with fixing an issue that really isn't a big deal. Save involving him for the really big stuff. This isn't one of those times. I suspect your in-laws don't see your kids more because that would involve seeing you and they don't want to do that.
For real!!!
Anonymous
05/14/2014 17:09
Subject: Vent about in-laws
OP, you do realize you are being very preumtious expecting your father-in-law to "just take another flight". He doesn't have to do that. He can do whatever he pleases. You expecting him to take a different flight would be like him expecting you to have this event on another weekend. Why is your choice to have the event when you knew he had a conference any more valid then him taking a flight of his choosing? You sound obnoxious. Life isn't fair. I also pity your husband having to listen to you, and then deal with fixing an issue that really isn't a big deal. Save involving him for the really big stuff. This isn't one of those times. I suspect your in-laws don't see your kids more because that would involve seeing you and they don't want to do that.
Anonymous
05/14/2014 16:36
Subject: Re:Vent about in-laws
Anonymous wrote:OP,
let's trade. If only I could see my negative, drama-prone, moody ILs less! Plus they can't stand me but love my child.
I envy you
I'm sorry! I hope your DH stands up for you!
Anonymous
05/14/2014 16:27
Subject: Re:Vent about in-laws
OP,
let's trade. If only I could see my negative, drama-prone, moody ILs less! Plus they can't stand me but love my child.
I envy you
let's trade. If only I could see my negative, drama-prone, moody ILs less! Plus they can't stand me but love my child.
I envy you
Anonymous
05/14/2014 16:23
Subject: Vent about in-laws
OP here. Thanks everyone for reading and responding. I know I need to just let it go and I really am grateful that I have my parents to be so involved in the DCs' lives. Sometimes I just need a reminder to be happy and thankful for what I have. I know some of you have it worse than I do and I shouldn't complain.
To clarify though, FIL's conference wasn't anything that important. He picks and chooses conferences to go to when he feels like it but nothing that is critical or that important for work. I happen to be in the same profession as he is (as is DH and my father as well) so I know what is important and what isn't. I also get frustrated because MIL tends to be very passive-aggresive about things like this (ie she will make it my fault the FIL didn't know about the event with enough notice) but says it in such a way that DH doesn't see it.
To clarify though, FIL's conference wasn't anything that important. He picks and chooses conferences to go to when he feels like it but nothing that is critical or that important for work. I happen to be in the same profession as he is (as is DH and my father as well) so I know what is important and what isn't. I also get frustrated because MIL tends to be very passive-aggresive about things like this (ie she will make it my fault the FIL didn't know about the event with enough notice) but says it in such a way that DH doesn't see it.
Anonymous
05/14/2014 11:46
Subject: Re:Vent about in-laws
OP,
Sorry that your ILs have hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, you cannot dictate how they behave. Even if they seem to favor their other grandkids, I don't think there's much you can do to change it. Just try to let it go.
My kids only have on grandmother b/c my mom passed away many years ago. It upsets me that they are stuck w/ her as their only 'grandma' but it is what it is. My MIL is an incredibly selfish person and would never lift a finger to help out. Example: when DC#1 was first born upon meeting her at 6 weeks announced that she would not change a single diaper. I was flabbergasted.especially since we had not asked her to do so. Besides how much pee does a newborn have in her diaper anyway? Later, when she visited, she refused to hold our DD for 20 minutes so I could go pump.
I just don't go out of my way for my ILs as a result of her behavior. She recently asked DH when she could come visit to meet DC#2 (who is 3 weeks old). My SIL told me that when her son was born our MIL came to visit and did not lift a single finger. She was nursing a newborn, incredibly sleep deprived and was now responsible for looking after the ILs and her husband, who had stopped helping out once his parents showed up. Based on this story and our interactions, I told my husband that we would not be entertaining any house guests, particularly, any that expect us to take care of them.
I would just be grateful that your parents are involved as is your SIL.
Sorry that your ILs have hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, you cannot dictate how they behave. Even if they seem to favor their other grandkids, I don't think there's much you can do to change it. Just try to let it go.
My kids only have on grandmother b/c my mom passed away many years ago. It upsets me that they are stuck w/ her as their only 'grandma' but it is what it is. My MIL is an incredibly selfish person and would never lift a finger to help out. Example: when DC#1 was first born upon meeting her at 6 weeks announced that she would not change a single diaper. I was flabbergasted.especially since we had not asked her to do so. Besides how much pee does a newborn have in her diaper anyway? Later, when she visited, she refused to hold our DD for 20 minutes so I could go pump.
I just don't go out of my way for my ILs as a result of her behavior. She recently asked DH when she could come visit to meet DC#2 (who is 3 weeks old). My SIL told me that when her son was born our MIL came to visit and did not lift a single finger. She was nursing a newborn, incredibly sleep deprived and was now responsible for looking after the ILs and her husband, who had stopped helping out once his parents showed up. Based on this story and our interactions, I told my husband that we would not be entertaining any house guests, particularly, any that expect us to take care of them.
I would just be grateful that your parents are involved as is your SIL.
Anonymous
05/14/2014 11:20
Subject: Re:Vent about in-laws
Do the ILs also share this religion tradition? Are you and DH from the same background? Could they not realize it's important?
Anonymous
05/14/2014 11:03
Subject: Vent about in-laws
Op-- a similar thing happened to me where FIL did not come to a major religious event for my DD even though a few years ago he moved heaven and earth for a similar ceremony for DS that was very inconveniently scheduled. FIL had a list of lame excuses that were nothing like being out of town or having to work. I was furious. This is a man who prattles on about the importance of family, but didn't want to be inconvenienced. He is also sexist and didn't view the ceremony for my daughter as important as the one for my son.
I don't even like the man but I swear I will never do anything to facilitate one of his visits in the future.
I don't even like the man but I swear I will never do anything to facilitate one of his visits in the future.