It's clear that what is lost is the inter-generational caring and commitment that used to mark human family relationships. There are many people, lots on this board, with toxic parents and relationships characterized by abuse. You don't describe that type of problem. You describe wanting to be a "kid" and have fun time away from your parents while your parents, who are admittedly elderly and may or may not have another year of life left in them, want to impose on your good time.

What is there to be grateful for? How about being grateful for having living parents who are still mentally stable and physically able at 75 years old and having parents that you love and who love you and who love their grandchildren. These are not things to be taken for granted or blown off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Minus the name calling, I agree with the sentiment of the PP. At least I think you should reconsider inviting your dad.

I see my dad 2-3x per week and at least once on the weekend for a family activity with my kids. I see my brother and his family once a yr. My dad and step mom are retired and travel extensively. They visit my brother a few times a yr. For this week, we want it to be just the kids. If our parents found out that my family was flying to NY for a week, they would not ask to be invited. I don't know why renting a house at the beach changes the desire to be included.

Just do what you planned. Really, OP. It will be a special time for your two families. You know it. Stay strong.

I get it. You want a relaxing vacation with a particular dynamic and bringing more people changes that dynamic and causes stress. Our recent vacation was crashed by more family then we intended and while we made the best of it, it was still awkward and not what I'd envisioned.

I'd just be firm but honest.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again... If we really want to get in to it, we would invite my dad. But it's a package deal with my step mom and now her mother who lives with them. Her mother is downright ornery. I don't blame her. She is over 100, can't see, can't walk, and can't hear. But she thinks she can... So they're is constant yelling in the house. What did you say? I can't hear you. Speak louder. It's a very stressful environment for me to spend time in and would be much of a vacation for anyone. That's why my dad and I go out to lunch a few times a week. There is no way to only invite my dad but not the other two.

OP You really need to stand your ground. Now that the real reason has come out -- it is not just your parents but also an extremely elderly relative as well. That will not be a fun vacation for you or the kids. The parents are just going to have to pass on this one. There is no way I would waste a vacation on three elderly people who are retired and can travel at will, when your brother only has two weeks. "It just is not going to work.... "

Anonymous wrote:You can take issue with the vocabulary, but what about addressing the sentiment? What has our society come to when elderly grandparents are excluded because...Why? You give no reason other than we "want" to be with "the kids" only. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Ungrateful, ungrateful, ungrateful. What kind of model are you providing for your own children and the nieces/nephews? SMH

So... If your parents want it, you do it? As an adult, people are not entitled to make their own decisions about who they wish to spend their free time with? The role model I hope to provide for my children is that it's ok to be your own person and you can do things without mom and dad. Call me selfish if you wish for wanting to take a vacation with my brother and his family. I'm not sure why you would use the word ungrateful though.

Seriously, what is the big deal? So what if they come along?

OP here again... If we really want to get in to it, we would invite my dad. But it's a package deal with my step mom and now her mother who lives with them. Her mother is downright ornery. I don't blame her. She is over 100, can't see, can't walk, and can't hear. But she thinks she can... So they're is constant yelling in the house. What did you say? I can't hear you. Speak louder. It's a very stressful environment for me to spend time in and would be much of a vacation for anyone. That's why my dad and I go out to lunch a few times a week. There is no way to only invite my dad but not the other two.

Anonymous wrote:Minus the name calling, I agree with the sentiment of the PP. At least I think you should reconsider inviting your dad.

+1

You can take issue with the vocabulary, but what about addressing the sentiment? What has our society come to when elderly grandparents are excluded because...Why? You give no reason other than we "want" to be with "the kids" only. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Ungrateful, ungrateful, ungrateful. What kind of model are you providing for your own children and the nieces/nephews? SMH

Anonymous wrote:Minus the name calling, I agree with the sentiment of the PP. At least I think you should reconsider inviting your dad.

I see my dad 2-3x per week and at least once on the weekend for a family activity with my kids. I see my brother and his family once a yr. My dad and step mom are retired and travel extensively. They visit my brother a few times a yr. For this week, we want it to be just the kids. If our parents found out that my family was flying to NY for a week, they would not ask to be invited. I don't know why renting a house at the beach changes the desire to be included.

Minus the name calling, I agree with the sentiment of the PP. At least I think you should reconsider inviting your dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry Mom. This year John and I agreed we're doing a siblings only vacation. Maybe next year!"

Keep it short and simple. Do not give reasons why it can't work - they will just come up with work-arounds.

I like this. Although in my head I already here the work around...."I won't be around next year". My dad is 75. It maybe true, it may not be true.

My God, what is wrong with you? Your dad is 75?? Invite him to the beach for the family vacation and be grateful that he is well enough to be with you and still loves you even though you are clearly a spoiled selfish bitch.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your opinion. Do you feel that the name calling drives your opinion home more or provides more support for your opinion? I'm trying to figure out the rational for a grown adult using name calling on a forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry Mom. This year John and I agreed we're doing a siblings only vacation. Maybe next year!"

Keep it short and simple. Do not give reasons why it can't work - they will just come up with work-arounds.

I like this. Although in my head I already here the work around...."I won't be around next year". My dad is 75. It maybe true, it may not be true.

My God, what is wrong with you? Your dad is 75?? Invite him to the beach for the family vacation and be grateful that he is well enough to be with you and still loves you even though you are clearly a spoiled selfish bitch.

Anonymous wrote:That's an idea. How old does a child have to be to travel as an unaccompanied minor on a plane?

Five, in some cases, though there might be a fee if the child were not traveling with someone age 16+, and the fee is dropped if they are 12+. I'm sure it varies by airline.

Anonymous wrote:1 - your brother invites the grandparents to visit his family in NY

2 - could your brother's kids arrive a few days earlier to spend time with the grandparents in DC before heading to the beach? This might entail someone finding and paying a sitter / mother's helper. Might also mean that the kids stay with you.

That's an idea. How old does a child have to be to travel as an unaccompanied minor on a plane?