Anonymous wrote:
It sounds like you're looking for reasons to be angry at your husband.

Anonymous wrote:Some of these lies are super weird. How long is his commute? I have blood sugar drops where I sometimes urgently need food, but it's odd to me to agree to eat at home and then get food out immediately after the conversation.

Anonymous wrote:Funny, my wife is exactly like OP. We discussed this at length in counseling. Bottom line is, things are left out or omitted because the offending party does not want to hear "No" or be grilled every time they do something that the other party may not like, regardless of how small or insignificant it may seem. No one wants to offer up that they did something and then be hammered on it, especially insignificant things like OP posted. Even the issue of the kid being picked up by another parent. For example if the husband was at work, and the DW was running late and asked another parent to pick up her kid and hold them for 30 minutes, would it be necessary for the wife to phone the husband at work and let him know about this plan? She would just do it. As I husband I would not want to be pulled out of a meeting for such a trivial issue. If I wanted to know where my kid was I would phone my wife who was responsible for them at that time.

Bottom line is, when DH feels he can tell DW anything of minor issue and she will not judge, probe, or nag, then he will tell her more. If not, its just easier to avoid these issues and conceal them. I bet for the 4 here, DH has avoided many times more that she did not discover by snooping through his wallet or garbage. For him, that is probably a good trade off.

Anonymous wrote:Well the food & beer issue - does he have low impulse control? A food addiction? A shopping habit? My husband has a food addiction problem and when he hides, or doesn't divulge, his take out orders it's mostly out of embarrassment. He hasn't actually hidden anything - I can see every single purchase on Mint and he's the one who set that up, so if I wanted to track his every purchase, I could and he knows it. But I don't keep tabs like that - I am worried about his health and I try to keep my message focused on that rather than the purchase of the day.

The childcare pick ups - can you just sit down with him and let him know that you understand work, traffic, & the like can make him run late and you're fine with a neighbor helping out, but you'd just appreciate being looped in? My neighbors & I help each other with pick ups at least once a week - it's just a matter of including your spouse on the SOS text you send to the neighbor when asking for help. I'm sure he could get in the habit and if you let him know you're not going to make an issue of it, he has no reason not to.

Anonymous wrote:I've been trying to explain to DH how small lies, usually him neglecting to leave out information, make me upset. He says that they are no big deal, focusing on the act, but for me not telling me things is disrespectful. He usually omits information because he'd rather not deal with my annoyance. Some examples:

1) Calling from the office to say he's coming home, but then stopping by the CVS or wine shoppe for a quick purchase of beer.
2) Being late picking up DC from practice, calling another parent to pick DC up because he's running really late, then picking DC up from the other parent's house to come home. Then, once at home, not telling me about it because DC did get picked up to come home.
3) Telling me that he's going to grab a burger on the way home because he's hungry. I say we have Pete's Apizza at home. He says, OK, great, I'll have that then. Then decides he's hungry anyway, gets the burger, and then comes home without mentioning it. I find the receipt later.
4) Having a boy's night out. I ask where they went, what they did, how it went, etc., etc. He tells me they went to the sports bar, the restaurant, the cigar bar, but omits to mention to strip club--which I ask about because there is a wad of dollar bills left in his pocket.

I KNOW these are lies that are inconsequential in and of themselves--and I don't even really care that they went to a strip club as a group of guys--but what bothers me is that he regularly leaves out details that he knows I would be interested in because he'd rather just not deal with me. And the ironic thing is that I would be so much less annoyed if he was forthright and said, "I ended up getting a burger anyway because I was so hungry!" I'd most likely say, "OK, no problem. There's still pizza if you want more."

Thoughts? Do all guys do this? I've tried to explain to DH that it's not the acts themselves, which I admit are small potatoes, it's the intentional evasion that erodes my tryst. Also, the fact that he lies about small stuff makes me wonder about how he will evade telling me about bigger things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am annoyed at the little stops on the way home because he gets home so late--usually between 7:30 and 8, and we have two young kids. I also work FT and I rush home to pick up the kids from daycare at 5, prep dinner, feed and bathe the kids, and when DH decides at 7:20 that he need a beer and makes even a quick pit-stop at the CVS, I just find that so annoying.

OP, think about it. He is a grown ass man, why can he not stop on the way home to pick up a beer or a gatorade. I make stops, run errands on the way home. Barring an emergency, who cares? If it takes him an extra hour and he does it every night, that is different. Otherwise, you need to chill -- A LOT!

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am annoyed at the little stops on the way home because he gets home so late--usually between 7:30 and 8, and we have two young kids. I also work FT and I rush home to pick up the kids from daycare at 5, prep dinner, feed and bathe the kids, and when DH decides at 7:20 that he need a beer and makes even a quick pit-stop at the CVS, I just find that so annoying.