Anonymous
05/01/2014 20:42
Subject: Crummy "friends"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They probably don't know that you are having a really tough time. This is more of a gray area than if someone had died or was having surgery, and a lot of people will assume that if you're not actively reaching out to them, that things are ok.
My life is busy enough and has lots of moving parts, that if I don't actually hear "I'm having trouble" from someone, I will generally assume things are ok. And if they aren't, I will rearrange stuff and figure out how to help my friend, but the friend is going to have to be open with me so I can do that. If you have a history of not accepting invites to go places, they may have stopped inviting you out for that reason. Or they may not be doing things to which they could invite you. You may need to be more explicit with your friends as to what you need from them.
Ditto. Your friends aren't mind readers. TELL THEM WHAT YOU NEED!
This, this, this,this!
But if she tells them what she needs she'll lose her feelings of smug superiority and self-pity.
Oh shut the fuck up.
Anonymous
05/01/2014 18:35
Subject: Crummy "friends"
You are a doer and they are takers. If they don't help out after you ask them, specifically, what you need, then they are not truly friends.
Anonymous
05/01/2014 14:14
Subject: Crummy "friends"
OP it sounds like you are making quite a few assumptions about your friends. Quite frankly, out of my group of friends ALL of us have a marriage on the rocks, struggling with depression, a heavy work load and small children. Never in a million years would I expect one of my friends to call me up and say "Hey can I take your kids for a day?" They have their OWN kids to deal with!
Seriously, unless you are going through Chemo treatments or something serious like that, I think you are asking a lot. You are assuming they know how tough things are, but I bet they have NO clue that you are struggling so much. If you need something you need to ask and stop waiting for it.
If you need girl time - call up one of your friends and tell her what you need, or send an email explaining that you are having a tough time and would appreciate some support. The fact that no one has invited you to dinner doesn't' mean they don't care about you. You sound a little bit self-absorbed and in your own world. Maybe they have a lot of crap going on too in their lives and it just hasn't crossed their mind.
We are all so busy in this life that most people are just oblivious unless told directly. The tone of your post is very passive aggressive to me. Calling them "crummy" to me sounds unfounded. I get that you are there for others, and maybe they have depended on you in the past. That is the ebb and flow of relationships, but instead of waiting for someone to step up, you really just need to ask for help. Otherwise sitting around fuming about your "crummy" friends is only going to make you more depressed.
Seriously, unless you are going through Chemo treatments or something serious like that, I think you are asking a lot. You are assuming they know how tough things are, but I bet they have NO clue that you are struggling so much. If you need something you need to ask and stop waiting for it.
If you need girl time - call up one of your friends and tell her what you need, or send an email explaining that you are having a tough time and would appreciate some support. The fact that no one has invited you to dinner doesn't' mean they don't care about you. You sound a little bit self-absorbed and in your own world. Maybe they have a lot of crap going on too in their lives and it just hasn't crossed their mind.
We are all so busy in this life that most people are just oblivious unless told directly. The tone of your post is very passive aggressive to me. Calling them "crummy" to me sounds unfounded. I get that you are there for others, and maybe they have depended on you in the past. That is the ebb and flow of relationships, but instead of waiting for someone to step up, you really just need to ask for help. Otherwise sitting around fuming about your "crummy" friends is only going to make you more depressed.