Anonymous wrote:Why did you feel it was ok to expose your mom to this illness?

I don't. I warmed her and told her to stay away. She came anyway because she wanted to see DCs.

Warned her

Anonymous wrote:Why did you feel it was ok to expose your mom to this illness?

I don't. I warmed her and told her to stay away. She came anyway because she wanted to see DCs.

Why did you feel it was ok to expose your mom to this illness?

I'd be unhappy about the flu thing too, and honestly, I'd have packed up an left as soon as I realized he wasn't quarantining himself. Everybody has the right to avoid obvious sources of contamination.

My suggestion for this year is one of two things.

1. go up for a day, possibly one overnight. 2 hrs isn't that far to drive and we did it routinely when I was a kid and most of the time it was a day trip. Do two day trips if you want. One on M, one on S or whatever. Or take two cars and DH an kids can go for as long as they want and you visit a couple of times.

2. Get a hotel and stay for whatever period of time DH wants and your schedule allows. While DH and kids are have a good time at the raucous, you can go back to the hotel for some R&R. Get a room w/ a spa tub, or a hotel w/ a pool or day spa or whatever and then take advantage of them.

I guess another possibility is to volunteer to work over the holidays and tell DH you couldn't get the time off so he can take the kids. If you're inclined you can visit on your day off.

Good luck! My family used to get together for Christmas, but only for a big dinner and once my grandma died, it wasn't even on the actual day, just a random day in Dec. I think we all decided we don't like each other all that much and stopped doing it.

I am inclined to tell DH that we will go this year, but for a shorter period, and if I feel people are being inconsiderate I will pick up the kids and leave and he will not give me any grief about it.

I gently suggest you consider driving separately and limit the amount of time YOU spend with them and not limit your kids' time. There isn't anything in your posts about it being an unhealthy environment for your kids (barring the flu). You said yourself that they have a good time with that side of the family and it seems unreasonable and mean for you to limit their time because you don't like your ILs. I don't understand why you can't drive separately and you just go for the day, if you go at all. Like a PP suggested, I don't think they'll miss you. Either suck it up or let it go but don't ruin it for others.

OP do you spend the equal amount of Jewish holidays with your family? Is it equal?

Agree with others. Go for a shorter period of time next year.

Also OP this winter was hell on wheels for bad flu. You can't be sure that your whole family came down with it from this one visit.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your BIL didn't maliciously infect you. You hate your husband's family, fine, but viruses happen. You could as easily have caught it at the checkout line. Holding a grudge is crazy.

Sure, viruses happen. But a man in his late 30s should know better than to show up ill to a house full of little kids.

And yes, I acknowledge that I would probably view this differently if I didn't have other grudges but it is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:You know this really isn't about Christmas, right? It's about your relationship with your ILs. Considering how important this is for your DH and probably your kids, you know they have to go, right? But, why on earth do you have to go for 5 days? Since they're only 2 hours away, I'm assuming you see them more than just at Christmas. I don't mean this in a bad way but would they honestly miss you if you were only there for one day? If you had to, you could stretch it to two days. Even better if your ILs would give you and DH a date night. You could drive up there, spend some time with the ILs but retreat to a hotel room with DH while the kids stayed with the ILs.

It's actually not my ILs house. It's one of DH's siblings'. ILs and other siblings live elsewhere and come for Christmas. That's why the five days - so everybody can spend time with family.

Yes, I know that if I didn't have other issues with DHs family this would probably be easier. Things happen over 20 years and there are some resentments on both sides.

My own family (other than DH and DCs) is just my mom (I am an only child and so was she) and we always get together over New Year's. Last year was no exception so she got the flu from hell.

I am inclined to tell DH that we will go this year, but for a shorter period, and if I feel people are being inconsiderate I will pick up the kids and leave and he will not give me any grief about it.

OP, your BIL didn't maliciously infect you. You hate your husband's family, fine, but viruses happen. You could as easily have caught it at the checkout line. Holding a grudge is crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In two decades have you never spent a Christmas with your own family? This is uncomprehensible? Your kids are going to grow up, your parents die and then you have no traditions whatsoever. We rotate, which I suggest you do. Even though you're Jewish.

Explain This OP???

Explain what? OP is Jewish. 12/25 is just another day to her family. They do not celebrate Christmas!

OP here. Yes, this. These gatherings only started up seven or so years ago when we and DHs siblings have kids. Before I wuld always volunteer to cover for everyone at work at Christmas and take New Year's off.

You know this really isn't about Christmas, right? It's about your relationship with your ILs. Considering how important this is for your DH and probably your kids, you know they have to go, right? But, why on earth do you have to go for 5 days? Since they're only 2 hours away, I'm assuming you see them more than just at Christmas. I don't mean this in a bad way but would they honestly miss you if you were only there for one day? If you had to, you could stretch it to two days. Even better if your ILs would give you and DH a date night. You could drive up there, spend some time with the ILs but retreat to a hotel room with DH while the kids stayed with the ILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far do you have to go to see them and how long do you stay?

2 hours. 5 days.

Good Lord! You could just go around Christmas for one or two nights and start a tradition of Christmas Day at home.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In two decades have you never spent a Christmas with your own family? This is uncomprehensible? Your kids are going to grow up, your parents die and then you have no traditions whatsoever. We rotate, which I suggest you do. Even though you're Jewish.

Explain This OP???

Explain what? OP is Jewish. 12/25 is just another day to her family. They do not celebrate Christmas!

Anonymous wrote:In two decades have you never spent a Christmas with your own family? This is uncomprehensible? Your kids are going to grow up, your parents die and then you have no traditions whatsoever. We rotate, which I suggest you do. Even though you're Jewish.

Explain This OP???