Second the recommendations to get to Al-Anon and give it a try.

My family has many success stories but they have not been without some setbacks. One brother sober 7 years and relapsed. Another recently sober about 3 years now. Mom, sober/off drugs off and on for many years but mainly sober. This all happened along with a few deaths including a sibling. IT can happen!

Highly recommend the al-anon meeting at 1030am on Saturdays in Georgetown. If ou haven't been to this one yet, please try.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone?

Please tell me that it can get better someday.

OP--Is your family member in acute active addiction or on the recovery/relapse path? Mentally where is he or she in terms of denial or acknowledgement of the addiction?

My mom threatened to divorce my dad when I was in high school if he didn't quit drinking. He was an obvious drunk. For some reason, he was able to do that even though he didn't have a long relationship with AA. Mom continued a decades-long dependency on alcohol that I only recognized years later.

Even though we grew up with my dad's alcoholism, my brother still became addicted to alcohol and drugs. He went through two divorces and two rehabs. He had a relapse a couple of years ago but I think he is sober now. He's a loner and has never used AA to the extent he should. But he did quit, even though he is not as emotionally healthy as I'd like to see.

I stopped drinking because I was worried I was heading in the same direction and attended 12-step groups for a good long time about 25 years ago. Later, I warned our kid as she grew up that she might be predisposed towards addiction and that AA and Al-Anon are always there for her. Kid started realizing she had a problem and got involved in AA (knowing it was the family thing) and was fortunate to get a fantastic sponsor who helped her get on the right track.

In none of these cases did we have any control over whether the person stopped drinking but we did have control over the choices we made for ourselves and found we could make our lives more sane even if the family member continued to drink.

Good luck, OP! Hope things get better!

My sister was once an alcoholic and addict. She was pretty close to rock bottom, on the street and doing heroin. Without my parents' support, I don't know if she would have made it. They once had to decide to leave her in jail on Christmas because they didn't want her back on the street. She was put in rehab by the court and she completed the program.

She has been been clean for almost 20 years now. She had to work pretty hard at sobriety at first but it seems to have become easier over the years. I think she is amazing.

Am in Naranon. The tricky part is learning how to support the addict's recovery but not enable his addiction. It is not always easy to tell where one stops and the other begins. Have found Naranon most helpful in this regard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there something like al-anon but without the religion/god/prayer aspects?

Get out of it what you can. It is like any support group. You don't have to believe.

Also try several different groups. You'll find the makeup of the group will be different depending on the location. I attended a lot when I was in grad school and people in the university community had much more diverse beliefs. It was easy to regard the "higher power" thing as different for different people. For me it is more of a metaphor than anything else. Some people have said they think of the higher power as the group conscience. I've heard the expression that your higher power can be a door knob if it works for you. The idea is to learn to let go of things you can't control. You don't have to believe in god for that idea to work for you. Good luck, OP!

^^I meant that addicts are NOT dealing with things in a logical way

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it can get better. I say that at least from people I've known. Am still struggling with my family member; we have made significant progress in terms of honesty (huge--lying is a big part of the addict's condition), but relapses are still there.

A PP has said relapses are part of recovery. True, but I've drawn an unmistakeable line for no more relapses with my family member. Boundary setting is a big part of dealing with addicts, and I've set mine at no more relapses. Emotionally, they are too draining FOR ME, particularly as one would have led to family member dying in my arms were it not for the EMTs. It is important to remember that the boundaries are for you, not the addict.

To prevent relapses, family member has agreed to go on Vivitrol, an injection that lasts 30 days during which an alcoholic or opiate user cannot feel the effects of the drugs. It also helps with cravings and, very importantly, is not addictive unlike other medications that are sometimes used. Family member will be on this for six months to a year.

I am the drinker that just posted previously. I agree with what this poster says about boundaries. An addict in active addiction will lie often and not respect any boundaries. Al-anon is quite honestly the very best support group to teach you how to protect yourself and not contribute to the addicts issues (or enable them). Addicts are dealing with things in a logical way -- so you have to understand that your best intentions may be misguided and abused by the addict. Focus on yourself first, the addict second...

I haven't had a drink in over seven years. I did use a 12 step approach and continue to attend meetings. I'm one of the most together, focused, and happiest people that I know. It was really hard at first, and I hated seeing everyone else enjoying something that I couldn't. I got over that after a couple of years. Now, I don't miss it at all. I feel truly grateful to be living the life that I am. I am a much better mom to my son. There really are plenty of success stories. The problem is that addiction has a very high relapse rate (whether it's a 12 step approach or rehab, medication, etc.). Recovery is not to be trifled with!

Yes, it can get better. I say that at least from people I've known. Am still struggling with my family member; we have made significant progress in terms of honesty (huge--lying is a big part of the addict's condition), but relapses are still there.

A PP has said relapses are part of recovery. True, but I've drawn an unmistakeable line for no more relapses with my family member. Boundary setting is a big part of dealing with addicts, and I've set mine at no more relapses. Emotionally, they are too draining FOR ME, particularly as one would have led to family member dying in my arms were it not for the EMTs. It is important to remember that the boundaries are for you, not the addict.

To prevent relapses, family member has agreed to go on Vivitrol, an injection that lasts 30 days during which an alcoholic or opiate user cannot feel the effects of the drugs. It also helps with cravings and, very importantly, is not addictive unlike other medications that are sometimes used. Family member will be on this for six months to a year.

It can certainly get better, but only if the person opts for an entire lifestyle change. I have several alcoholics in my family and some are great, 25+ years of sobriety and truly the best people ever. A few are dry-drunks and I think that is worse than drinking. They get their high from manipulating and causing familial chaos. It sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there something like al-anon but without the religion/god/prayer aspects?

Seriously, don't let that stop you. Twelve Step programs promote no religion or denomination. Your Higher Power is whatever it means to you. Some people at meetings are very religious and will talk about Jesus as their Higher Power. But that's okay, that's what works for them. There is no judging, there is no bible thumping- just people talking about themselves and their experiences. Seriously, just go a few times to a few different meetings. Chances are, you will identify with some people and not with others. You don't have to talk, its okay to just listen. No committment, no membership dues, and tremendous success.

The Naranon meetings I go to are very strict about no mention of religion. People tend to be very punctillious about saying higher power instead of God, Jesus etc.

My step-father hasn't had a drink (or a drug) since he was in his late 20s. He and my mother married in their early 50s, I met him when he was 49, so it had been about 20 years when we knew him, but his children remember his mom cutting his contact with them when they were very little until he got his life together. They have a very close relationship and he's truly a good and productive person. Great as a father and grandfather now.

Anonymous wrote:Is there something like al-anon but without the religion/god/prayer aspects?

Seriously, don't let that stop you. Twelve Step programs promote no religion or denomination. Your Higher Power is whatever it means to you. Some people at meetings are very religious and will talk about Jesus as their Higher Power. But that's okay, that's what works for them. There is no judging, there is no bible thumping- just people talking about themselves and their experiences. Seriously, just go a few times to a few different meetings. Chances are, you will identify with some people and not with others. You don't have to talk, its okay to just listen. No committment, no membership dues, and tremendous success.