SIL can come and stay in a hotel.

It sounds to me like DH wants to see his sister and have her spend some time with his children, despite the fact that she did not visit him often in the hospital or send something for your daughter. Perhaps you can figure out a way that this can happen even if she is not staying with you.

OP, how long were you pregnant? You're complaining that you were nearly 9 months when your SIL visited, yet your daughter was born a "few months later?"

I think you're either a troll, or you're leaving information out. Something tells me you don't even have your own story straight, and are probably putting unfair expectations on your SIL because of it. You also make no mention of doing anything or visiting your SIL, wherever they live - your entire concocted story sounds tremendously narcissistic. You do not sound well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of your SIL's behavior sounds problematic. She doesn't owe you anything because you gave her a niece. But since she is a lazy house guest, you're justified in saying she can't stay with you when you have a newborn - I think only helpful people should be welcome to stay in your home at that time in life. A more polite way of declining the SIL staying with you would have been to say you won't be able to host so many people at once with a newborn, but you're happy to recommend a nearby hotel.

If your brother was in the hospital being treated for cancer, for months, fifteen minutes away from your house, you wouldn't visit him?

On the surface it sounds bad but it depends - was he living in the hospital 24/7 for months, or in and out for chemo over the course of a few months? In any case, I think it's odd that OP is more upset that SIL doesn't care about the baby than the cancer situation.

My sister is selfish and does not visit. We have to visit her and cater to her schedule. She just doesn't like kids (although I think deep down she really wanted one and never had one). Maybe there is more to the story or she just doesn't like kids. Either way, if they visit, it is not their responsibility to care for your home or kids. It is yours... they are there to visit only.

Anonymous wrote:None of your SIL's behavior sounds problematic. She doesn't owe you anything because you gave her a niece. But since she is a lazy house guest, you're justified in saying she can't stay with you when you have a newborn - I think only helpful people should be welcome to stay in your home at that time in life. A more polite way of declining the SIL staying with you would have been to say you won't be able to host so many people at once with a newborn, but you're happy to recommend a nearby hotel.

If your brother was in the hospital being treated for cancer, for months, fifteen minutes away from your house, you wouldn't visit him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish. Not everyone wants to see your kids. Maybe your SIL is having fertility issues. I think it's selfish that you would deny a mini family reunion bc you don't like your in-laws. You sound like a whiny bitch.

+1

There must be some sock puppeting going on. Really, her SIL doesn't visit her own brother in the hospital when he is there for months for cancer treatment?

OP, you don't need to maintain a relationship with your SIL. Just tell your MIL no. It sounds like SIL has chosen to not be part of your life, which is hurtful, but there's nothing you can do to change her.

She is not coming...great that's what you wanted. If the mil bitches, just tell her the kids are a lot of work and you are tired. At that point hand one of the kids to her and say you are going to lay down for a few minutes...take a good hour nap.

Anonymous wrote:Do you or DH show any interest in her life? It's a two way street. It's curious you categorize all of your ILs as selfish. I'd also take a look at your own attitude and behaviors.

+1

OP, are you remotely as interested in your SIL's life, as you expect her to be in yours?

I gave up on my self-absorbed SIL. She had so many expectations about how others ought to help her, be interested in her life, etc. I (and others) tried and tried. But it was always a one-way street, so I gave up. Because I gave up being her cheerleader, she probably thinks I'm selfish, but the truth is, all relationships (including ones with in-laws) require reciprocal effort. It doesn't matter who has kids, who is sick - some degree of exchange is fundamental.

Do you or DH show any interest in her life? It's a two way street. It's curious you categorize all of your ILs as selfish. I'd also take a look at your own attitude and behaviors.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, must be a lot of guilty SIsL on this thread. I'm surprised at how many people are justifying this behavior. OP, I would be hurt too -- and I say this as someone who was a shitty SIL before I had kids. I actually cringed when i read the title of your thread.

Maybe your SIL and your husband have issues you don't know about....

+1! Isn't this really between SIL and DH -- a thinly veiled sibling rivalry issue?

Consider yourself blessed. Compared to some of the other threads about nutty ILs, distance would be preferable to playing favorites or sibling competition being passed on to the next generation.

wtf. SIL avoided her brother when he had cancer and you're pissed about the baby? The pattern of behavior was established long ago, not sure why the chaos of a newborn is expected to change that.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, must be a lot of guilty SIsL on this thread. I'm surprised at how many people are justifying this behavior. OP, I would be hurt too -- and I say this as someone who was a shitty SIL before I had kids. I actually cringed when i read the title of your thread.

Maybe your SIL and your husband have issues you don't know about....

Meant guilty SILs on this thread....

Wow, must be a lot of guilty SIsL on this thread. I'm surprised at how many people are justifying this behavior. OP, I would be hurt too -- and I say this as someone who was a shitty SIL before I had kids. I actually cringed when i read the title of your thread.

Maybe your SIL and your husband have issues you don't know about....