Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 09:39     Subject: Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
OP,

My dad would have told us, "DC and I are going for a little walk." And I"d be like, "Ok! Have fun!"

So, yes, if he didn't tell anyone where they were going, we all would have been worried and like, "Where's Dad and DC?? Did you see them? Did they tell you where they were going?"

Telling each other where we are going is just something we all do in our family so this would have been behavior our of the norm. SOMETIMES, my dad can be a little clueless but he wouldn't be about something like this. I honestly would be worried my dad was starting down the route to senility if he was the one who did it. That's just out of the norm behavior FOR OUR FAMILY. Not saying your dad is. But it would be odd for US.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 09:39     Subject: Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:Holy Toledo you're a head case, OP.

Grandpa wants to take grandson for a walk? Awesome. What's the problem?


Eh it doesn't sound like OP was really watching her kid. She was checking on him periodically through the window, but obviously not enough to both see her kid with his grandpa or to see them walking away. I can understand freaking out if you look up and see your kid gone. Granted once the cousins told me my kid had gone off with my dad, I would have let it go. OP, calm down. You're partly to blame here. Just tell your dad "hey dad, I admit to being a bit of a worry wart sometimes. Can you just let me know if you are going off somewhere with DS? Yesterday, before I realized you had gone on a walk with him, I freaked out when I didn't see him with his cousins."
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 09:39     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I trust my dad with my kid. What I don't understand is how a former parent of young children could possibly do this w/o realizing that it's necessary to give the parent a head's up. He did not understand at all why I was upset and thought I blew things out of proportion.


HA!!! I have found out that once people get older they have a magic filter that erases ANY memory of having a young child.

I had my MIL _leave my 7 year old daughter_ at the playground by the local school (which is not her school, and it was" after hours" kids at the playground) while she went inside the school searching for a bathroom. This took probably 20 minutes, and in the meantime the kids at the playground ALL WENT BACK INSIDE THE SCHOOL and my daughter was panicked at being abandoned. THankfully one of the after hours professionals escorted my daughter inside the building and on the way her grandmother was located.

DD was very upset by this. She knows I would never abandon her like that. She did not even hear her grandmother tell her she was leaving- she was probably playing and MIL did not even teake a moment to pull her aside, look her in the eye and tell her. DH was _Furious_. He asked her why she thought it was ok to leave DD with strangers. MIL assumed my dauhgter knew kids there at the playground, and that somehow this meant it was ok to leave her there alone. She could not grasp that she should have told and ADULT that she was leaving, and she then might find out that those adults present were NOT obligated to watch her granddaighter while she went to the bathroom, or that they were about to go back into the building and her granddaughter would not be able to go in with them.

THe schools playground is allowed to be used by anyone in the community, but somehow MIL could not grasp that there is NO SOCIAL CONTRACT that other adults will watch your kids. She alsosaid "its probably ok most of the time" to leave kids alone at a plaayground.

I should add that we had an incident with a masturbating pedophile at the Capital VIew Homeswood park playground in Kensington just a stones throw away a few years ago. This is something she KNEW about and yet acted like WE were off base for thinking its ok to walk away from a kid at a playground.

Then just recently (about a year after the previous playground incident) she took my daughter (along with my FIL) to the park playground. And at one point she wanted to leave, my daughter didnt want to go yet, and she threatened my daughter that she would leave her there. This upset my daughter- I had just told her the whole abandonment thing would not happen again. And this time it was used as a threat. MIL then told me that DD could have just returned home by herself.

Its like they just do not get that a parent would want to know where their child is at all times. They think that is somehow weird and overreacting.


Your hyperventilation about this after so much time has passed says a lot more negative about you than it does about MIL. Wow. Headcase, you.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 09:35     Subject: Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Holy Toledo you're a head case, OP.

Grandpa wants to take grandson for a walk? Awesome. What's the problem?
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 09:31     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.


Why owuld you think your father would let your DS go in the pond? If you trust him, then wouldn't you also trust him to not let him go in the pond?


It isn't about trusting dad to take him to the pond. It's all of a sudden, her child is missing and she has no idea where he is and maybe he is dead at the bottom of the pond. She didn't know her dad had taken him for a walk, I'm sure she wouldn't have worried if he had told her.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 09:14     Subject: Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
This sounds like it's about control rather than trust or parenting or grandparenting. Do you have boundary and control issues with your parents, OP?
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 09:07     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.


Not any parent. A few parents. Specifically, YOU. Unless your dad has mental or physical limitations, why is he incapable of safely taking a walk with a 4 year old? At what age would it be okay- 5? 6? 12? Its not like grandpa picked her up from school without permission, she was at a family gathering. If you got "pissed beyond words" at your dad for taking a walk with his granddaughter, you would seriously damage that relationship. Its pretty tough to think of another way to disrespect your father more than this.

He raised you yet you would go Ape Shit on him for taking a walk without your permission. Then again, based on your reaction, maybe he wasn't such a great dad anyway.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 08:28     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I trust my dad with my kid. What I don't understand is how a former parent of young children could possibly do this w/o realizing that it's necessary to give the parent a head's up. He did not understand at all why I was upset and thought I blew things out of proportion.


HA!!! I have found out that once people get older they have a magic filter that erases ANY memory of having a young child.

I had my MIL _leave my 7 year old daughter_ at the playground by the local school (which is not her school, and it was" after hours" kids at the playground) while she went inside the school searching for a bathroom. This took probably 20 minutes, and in the meantime the kids at the playground ALL WENT BACK INSIDE THE SCHOOL and my daughter was panicked at being abandoned. THankfully one of the after hours professionals escorted my daughter inside the building and on the way her grandmother was located.

DD was very upset by this. She knows I would never abandon her like that. She did not even hear her grandmother tell her she was leaving- she was probably playing and MIL did not even teake a moment to pull her aside, look her in the eye and tell her. DH was _Furious_. He asked her why she thought it was ok to leave DD with strangers. MIL assumed my dauhgter knew kids there at the playground, and that somehow this meant it was ok to leave her there alone. She could not grasp that she should have told and ADULT that she was leaving, and she then might find out that those adults present were NOT obligated to watch her granddaighter while she went to the bathroom, or that they were about to go back into the building and her granddaughter would not be able to go in with them.

THe schools playground is allowed to be used by anyone in the community, but somehow MIL could not grasp that there is NO SOCIAL CONTRACT that other adults will watch your kids. She alsosaid "its probably ok most of the time" to leave kids alone at a plaayground.

I should add that we had an incident with a masturbating pedophile at the Capital VIew Homeswood park playground in Kensington just a stones throw away a few years ago. This is something she KNEW about and yet acted like WE were off base for thinking its ok to walk away from a kid at a playground.

Then just recently (about a year after the previous playground incident) she took my daughter (along with my FIL) to the park playground. And at one point she wanted to leave, my daughter didnt want to go yet, and she threatened my daughter that she would leave her there. This upset my daughter- I had just told her the whole abandonment thing would not happen again. And this time it was used as a threat. MIL then told me that DD could have just returned home by herself.

Its like they just do not get that a parent would want to know where their child is at all times. They think that is somehow weird and overreacting.


Honestly you shouldn't let your MIL take your DD to the playground anymore. It's not fair to your DD to be threatened like that.


Oh we wont. It was a LONG time after the first incident and DH had come down on her hard enough we thought it would be clear. Our inlaws lavish all their help on DH;s younger sister, so really DD has little contact with them anyway. This last incident proved that we sbould keep it that way.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 08:27     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.


Why owuld you think your father would let your DS go in the pond? If you trust him, then wouldn't you also trust him to not let him go in the pond?
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 08:24     Subject: Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
I could totally see my dad doing this. He's just gotten sort of clueless and absentminded in his old age, which your dad may be as well. Like PP said above, he's probably forgotten how terrifying it is to have your child vanish from sight, and just didn't even think. That's my guess.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 08:24     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I trust my dad with my kid. What I don't understand is how a former parent of young children could possibly do this w/o realizing that it's necessary to give the parent a head's up. He did not understand at all why I was upset and thought I blew things out of proportion.


HA!!! I have found out that once people get older they have a magic filter that erases ANY memory of having a young child.

I had my MIL _leave my 7 year old daughter_ at the playground by the local school (which is not her school, and it was" after hours" kids at the playground) while she went inside the school searching for a bathroom. This took probably 20 minutes, and in the meantime the kids at the playground ALL WENT BACK INSIDE THE SCHOOL and my daughter was panicked at being abandoned. THankfully one of the after hours professionals escorted my daughter inside the building and on the way her grandmother was located.

DD was very upset by this. She knows I would never abandon her like that. She did not even hear her grandmother tell her she was leaving- she was probably playing and MIL did not even teake a moment to pull her aside, look her in the eye and tell her. DH was _Furious_. He asked her why she thought it was ok to leave DD with strangers. MIL assumed my dauhgter knew kids there at the playground, and that somehow this meant it was ok to leave her there alone. She could not grasp that she should have told and ADULT that she was leaving, and she then might find out that those adults present were NOT obligated to watch her granddaighter while she went to the bathroom, or that they were about to go back into the building and her granddaughter would not be able to go in with them.

THe schools playground is allowed to be used by anyone in the community, but somehow MIL could not grasp that there is NO SOCIAL CONTRACT that other adults will watch your kids. She alsosaid "its probably ok most of the time" to leave kids alone at a plaayground.

I should add that we had an incident with a masturbating pedophile at the Capital VIew Homeswood park playground in Kensington just a stones throw away a few years ago. This is something she KNEW about and yet acted like WE were off base for thinking its ok to walk away from a kid at a playground.

Then just recently (about a year after the previous playground incident) she took my daughter (along with my FIL) to the park playground. And at one point she wanted to leave, my daughter didnt want to go yet, and she threatened my daughter that she would leave her there. This upset my daughter- I had just told her the whole abandonment thing would not happen again. And this time it was used as a threat. MIL then told me that DD could have just returned home by herself.

Its like they just do not get that a parent would want to know where their child is at all times. They think that is somehow weird and overreacting.


Honestly you shouldn't let your MIL take your DD to the playground anymore. It's not fair to your DD to be threatened like that.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2014 08:21     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:I trust my dad with my kid. What I don't understand is how a former parent of young children could possibly do this w/o realizing that it's necessary to give the parent a head's up. He did not understand at all why I was upset and thought I blew things out of proportion.


HA!!! I have found out that once people get older they have a magic filter that erases ANY memory of having a young child.

I had my MIL _leave my 7 year old daughter_ at the playground by the local school (which is not her school, and it was" after hours" kids at the playground) while she went inside the school searching for a bathroom. This took probably 20 minutes, and in the meantime the kids at the playground ALL WENT BACK INSIDE THE SCHOOL and my daughter was panicked at being abandoned. THankfully one of the after hours professionals escorted my daughter inside the building and on the way her grandmother was located.

DD was very upset by this. She knows I would never abandon her like that. She did not even hear her grandmother tell her she was leaving- she was probably playing and MIL did not even teake a moment to pull her aside, look her in the eye and tell her. DH was _Furious_. He asked her why she thought it was ok to leave DD with strangers. MIL assumed my dauhgter knew kids there at the playground, and that somehow this meant it was ok to leave her there alone. She could not grasp that she should have told and ADULT that she was leaving, and she then might find out that those adults present were NOT obligated to watch her granddaighter while she went to the bathroom, or that they were about to go back into the building and her granddaughter would not be able to go in with them.

THe schools playground is allowed to be used by anyone in the community, but somehow MIL could not grasp that there is NO SOCIAL CONTRACT that other adults will watch your kids. She alsosaid "its probably ok most of the time" to leave kids alone at a plaayground.

I should add that we had an incident with a masturbating pedophile at the Capital VIew Homeswood park playground in Kensington just a stones throw away a few years ago. This is something she KNEW about and yet acted like WE were off base for thinking its ok to walk away from a kid at a playground.

Then just recently (about a year after the previous playground incident) she took my daughter (along with my FIL) to the park playground. And at one point she wanted to leave, my daughter didnt want to go yet, and she threatened my daughter that she would leave her there. This upset my daughter- I had just told her the whole abandonment thing would not happen again. And this time it was used as a threat. MIL then told me that DD could have just returned home by herself.

Its like they just do not get that a parent would want to know where their child is at all times. They think that is somehow weird and overreacting.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 22:16     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.


I would assume any parent this worried about the pond would be outside with their 4 year old and not occasionally looking at them from inside the house.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 22:14     Subject: Re:Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 22:13     Subject: Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have thought twice about it. If he was outside with the kids and went for a walk - great!

If I couldn't see the kids, I would just ask - where is x? and the other kids would say - he went for a walk with grandpa.


+1. The cousins would all be looking out for each other and all of the kids know (and are tested periodically, both orally and practically, on) our safety rules. Not a problem for me and my specific family situation.