Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

Another black woman. I'd come gave a good time but I would take note of it while there. I have a few good friends that I am their only black friend. Its ok but he truth is in this day and age we all have to a better job of having a more diverse friend and colleague base. If not for ourselves for our kids. I run a large org and you would not believe the young white people who intern who have never been exposed to anyone of any other race in a position of influence or authority.

How does one do this? I live in a predominately white community. There are a few Indians and Koreans sprinkled in. There are literally 3 black children in my kids 2nd grade school of 6 classes…two of which, i only know are black because I've seen the very light skinned dad with the white mom. I go to work and there are two black people working at my small company of 40 people. I don't make a habit of being too social with co-workers, white or brown.

If people are only around a certain race, I think it a bit disingenuous to seek out friendships with the express purpose of "meeting shades of brown". My children have two Indian friends and the rest white, which is a pretty good sampling of our neighborhood. I'd rather my kids make organic friendships than me send out a craigs list ad searching for brown friends to diversify our portfolio.

White people really. Do you work? Are you paying attention? There are so many instances when there is only 1 black person in the room. Are they uncomfortable? Probably not. Do they get sick of it? Probably so. It's 2014 but sometimes you can't tell. It's sad.

OP here. I really appreciate everyone who answered. If the situation were reversed I think I would feel uncomfortable.

I was just watching the movie Hairspray and Tracy Turnblatt's best friend meets Queen Latifah and says "I'm very pleased and very scared to be here." And I think that's exactly how I'd feel. I mean, not scared scared, but ... unsettled and uncomfortable.

I'm not black but there are times when I go to events and feel like I'm the only person there of my ethnicity, and yes, it does feel weird at times.

I don't think your question is stupid. If you don't ask, how will you know how others feel?

I would be more bothered by being told/asked if I minded being the only black person there than by it actually happening.

Also, you are correct that most blacks are well accustomed to being the minority in the room as they are the minority in most public spaces.

Anonymous wrote:We live next door to a Korean family. They invite us over several times a year. We are the only white people there. ]We actually feel somewhat honored that they include us.
We invite them to our gatherings and they are the only Asians but I don't think anything of it.

That's awesome! People who are inclusive and those that embrace diversity are beautiful people. You're the type of person that I will welcome into my home.

We live next door to a Korean family. They invite us over several times a year. We are the only white people there. We actually feel somewhat honored that they include us.
We invite them to our gatherings and they are the only Asians but I don't think anything of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

No, not really. If you and I are cool with each other, then I will definitely come. Actually, I'm more comfortable in predominately white settings than I am predominately black settings. I would be relieved that there will be people whom I could relate to. I can't talk to other black people about my love for Andy Warhol, Linkin Park, or operas. I spent an entire semester of school in Germany and that is as white as you get. As long as you have beer, than I'm coming.

You're hanging around with the wrong black people then.

I'm black and love Linkin Park. Never failed to see other AA at their concerts.

Also Germany isn't that white anymore. My family is military. No shortage of AA expats and immigrants of color in the major cities.

That's probably true. I need to find some black people who like the things that I like. When I was in school in Germany that was over 25 years ago. I'm pretty sure it's more diverse now then when I was there. I lived in Kaarst outside of Dusseldorf and I was the only black student at the high school.

I'm used to being the only asian person, and dh is used to being the only white person at times on my side. Never crossed our minds to ask or feel bad about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

No, not really. If you and I are cool with each other, then I will definitely come. Actually, I'm more comfortable in predominately white settings than I am predominately black settings. I would be relieved that there will be people whom I could relate to. I can't talk to other black people about my love for Andy Warhol, Linkin Park, or operas. I spent an entire semester of school in Germany and that is as white as you get. As long as you have beer, than I'm coming.

You're hanging around with the wrong black people then.

I'm black and love Linkin Park. Never failed to see other AA at their concerts.

Also Germany isn't that white anymore. My family is military. No shortage of AA expats and immigrants of color in the major cities.

To be completely honest, if you don't have a black spouse or kids or some other significant tie to the AA community, I will probably assume that I am your only AA guest. It won't stop me from accepting your invitation.

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

Another black woman. I'd come gave a good time but I would take note of it while there. I have a few good friends that I am their only black friend. Its ok but he truth is in this day and age we all have to a better job of having a more diverse friend and colleague base. If not for ourselves for our kids. I run a large org and you would not believe the young white people who intern who have never been exposed to anyone of any other race in a position of influence or authority.

[quote=youngblackdude]If its food & drinks I'm there..I could careless how many other blacks will be there.(I might bring a few of my guys with me)[/quote]

+1

Me too! Black woman here.

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

No, not really. If you and I are cool with each other, then I will definitely come. Actually, I'm more comfortable in predominately white settings than I am predominately black settings. I would be relieved that there will be people whom I could relate to. I can't talk to other black people about my love for Andy Warhol, Linkin Park, or operas. I spent an entire semester of school in Germany and that is as white as you get. As long as you have beer, than I'm coming.

[quote=youngblackdude]If its food & drinks I'm there..I could careless how many other blacks will be there.(I might bring a few of my guys with me)[/quote]

Dude...You rock!!