Anonymous wrote:Wow. SAHMs get dire warnings all the time on these boards about stepping out of the workforce. You people really see no problem with this woman simply choosing not to work at all?

The question is not whether this is a problem for the sister. The sister isn't the one who posted asking for advice on what to do with her life. OP posted about "problems" she was having with her sister - turns out her sister has done nothing to hurt or offend OP. OP is just taking her sister's personal life decisions as an affront on how she thinks her mother raised them. So, OP is the one with the problem and that's what we're trying to help her realize.

If her sister needs or wants advice, I'm sure she'll seek it out. Maybe not from DCUM or her OP, since OP has already expressed her judgment on the 3-9 month planned gap time, but there are other supports this woman clearly has in her life.

OP sounds childish and petulant.

Anonymous wrote:I don't see at all how this relates to feminism. It sounds like laziness!

Training for a marathon is laziness? Are all of you who outsource your meals (including getting take-out), cleaning, and chores also lazy?

Some of you sound jealous. As long as OP's sister and husband are content, who cares?

Anonymous wrote:Wow. SAHMs get dire warnings all the time on these boards about stepping out of the workforce. You people really see no problem with this woman simply choosing not to work at all?

Except it sounds like she plans to go back to school to find a career that is more satisfying and makes her happy. And instead of working in a job that is making her miserable, she's able to not work while figuring out what she wants to go back to school for. NOTHING in OP's post indicates that her sister not working is permanent.

Wow. SAHMs get dire warnings all the time on these boards about stepping out of the workforce. You people really see no problem with this woman simply choosing not to work at all?

How DARE this woman take a few months off after quitting a stressful job that made her miserable! She should immediately rush back to the workforce and take any job, regardless of what career path it may lead to. Who cares if she is stressed and miserable in another six months. It doesn't matter if her career puts so much pressure and stress on her that it makes her and her husband miserable. She should be working!

What a selfish, lazy, piece of shit. I can't believe she isn't out pounding the pavement after three months!

Anonymous wrote:I don't see at all how this relates to feminism. It sounds like laziness!

Hardly. OP says she's cleaning, training for a marathon, and engaging in other activities. Also sounds like she is planning to go back to school, but has realized she doesn't need to rush into going and is taking her time figuring out what she wants to do. I really see no problem with this.

I don't see at all how this relates to feminism. It sounds like laziness!

It's been less than three months. She sounds like she needed a break, isn't sitting around depressed, and her husband is supportive at least. Reevaluate when it's been a year.

Anonymous wrote:Umm, this is very different from being a SAHM. The sister is doing nothing...

I know plenty of childless couples in which the wife doesn't work. It doesn't mean the wife does nothing. Some men are happy to be the breadwinner, some women prefer to look after the home. It works for some people. You've never met a couple like this? I've known several happy couples married for decades with this arrangement. It's what they want and it works for them.

Anonymous wrote:Umm, this is very different from being a SAHM. The sister is doing nothing...

You missed the point about it being a choice. Some women feel that women have to do it all (the OP even said she felt it was insulting to her mother that sister is "relying" on a man to take care of her.) That kind of attitude weakens the feminist movement because it puts more stress on women to do it all instead of what's best for themselves (and their families.)

As for doing nothing, I'm sure the laundry doesn't magically do itself. She doesn't mention if sister cooks or does cleaning etc. Regardless, it's none of her business what someone else is doing if she's not paying for it.

Mind your own business. If your sister and BIL are fine with her being a housewife, how does this effect you at all? If she were asking you for a handout, then sure you'd have a stake in the matter, but she's not. The decision was not made out of disrespect for your mother. It's not about you, your mom, or the cause of women's liberation at large. Feminism was about women having opportunities and choices. You've made yours. Your sister is making hers. Back off.

Anonymous wrote:OP here and our mother was a single parent while we were growing up who worked her butt off to give us everything. She taught me and my sisters how to be strong women and that we don't need men to support us. I feel like my sister's recent decisions are just a slap in the face to my mother. Even though they appear happy now, what happens when my sister's husband leaves her. She will have nothing.

I would also be concerned about what could happen to her if her husband left but you need to stay out of this. First of all, this is not a slap in the face to your mother. It's your sister's choice about what she wants to do with her life. She is experiencing one of those situations where maybe good things are leading to bad decisions. She has the financial resources so that she doesn't have to take immediate steps to move on with her life and that's leading to her not making a decision. If she were your mom, she wouldn't have a choice and she'd have to move on and make a decision. But this seems to work for her and her husband so you need to let them sort it out. You've chosen a different path and you need to accept that this is not your sister's path.

That said, I don't think she is making a wise choice and I would worry, too -- but it may work out for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and our mother was a single parent while we were growing up who worked her butt off to give us everything. She taught me and my sisters how to be strong women and that we don't need men to support us. I feel like my sister's recent decisions are just a slap in the face to my mother. Even though they appear happy now, what happens when my sister's husband leaves her. She will have nothing.

Oh! I see what the problem is. Yes, a good therapist can definitely help to fix this. Your problem is that because your mom was a single mom you believe All Men Leave. That's why you are assuming your BIL will leave your sister. Therapy can help you with this for sure.

Worry about your own life. Let your sister lead hers the way she wants to.

+1000

IT takes TWO to make a relationship work. Who knows why OP's parents split up. Doesn't mean her sister and DH will split up. It's great that BIL is so supportive of his wife. Some people do take time to find themselves. Good for sister for trying to figure out what she wants to do (career) rather than be unhappy in just any job.

Umm, this is very different from being a SAHM. The sister is doing nothing...