Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre.

So old people who have money aren't supposed to have anything to complain about?? Do you think money solves all problems?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother, admittedly, grew up poor, the only child of an alcoholic father. But she married my father, who became a wealthy doctor, and from the age of 25 was a SAHM and has never had a job since. Since my father passed away 10 years ago, she is in perfect health in her mid-60s, has around $10 million in her own name….and does nothing but complain about how hard her life is!

Meanwhile I became a teacher, married a social worker, had two kids. We are happy, but I do struggle with trying to get everything done, care for my kids, work full time, and all on not much money.

I understand I made my own choices, and I know she is probably lonely, but I just have less and less patience with hearing how rough my mom has it. Does anyone have any advice for helping me feel more generous towards her? I have upended my whole life several times to help her out – stayed with her for 6 weeks during my first maternity leave to sell her house and get her moved into a condo, for example – and she literally hasn’t come to visit me once during a tough past two years since my youngest was born, husband lost job, and we had to downsize houses. She is just always “so overwhelmed” to do anything to help, and I am getting resentful (and don't like feeling this way).

Oh please. She has been well off for half a century.
I wouldn't underestimate the toll that growing up poor with an alcoholic father has taken on your mother's mental health. Things may seem easy when you look at her life on paper, but she likely has a lot of turmoil underneath that could manifest in anxiety and/or depression, which is likely the cause of every "little" thing seeming like such a hardship for her. Her childhood poverty has also likely caused her to hoard the millions she has now out of fear of giving it away and being w/o again. Not rational for those who haven't lived it but completely rational for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother, admittedly, grew up poor, the only child of an alcoholic father. But she married my father, who became a wealthy doctor, and from the age of 25 was a SAHM and has never had a job since. Since my father passed away 10 years ago, she is in perfect health in her mid-60s, has around $10 million in her own name….and does nothing but complain about how hard her life is!

Meanwhile I became a teacher, married a social worker, had two kids. We are happy, but I do struggle with trying to get everything done, care for my kids, work full time, and all on not much money.

I understand I made my own choices, and I know she is probably lonely, but I just have less and less patience with hearing how rough my mom has it. Does anyone have any advice for helping me feel more generous towards her? I have upended my whole life several times to help her out – stayed with her for 6 weeks during my first maternity leave to sell her house and get her moved into a condo, for example – and she literally hasn’t come to visit me once during a tough past two years since my youngest was born, husband lost job, and we had to downsize houses. She is just always “so overwhelmed” to do anything to help, and I am getting resentful (and don't like feeling this way).

I wouldn't underestimate the toll that growing up poor with an alcoholic father has taken on your mother's mental health. Things may seem easy when you look at her life on paper, but she likely has a lot of turmoil underneath that could manifest in anxiety and/or depression, which is likely the cause of every "little" thing seeming like such a hardship for her. Her childhood poverty has also likely caused her to hoard the millions she has now out of fear of giving it away and being w/o again. Not rational for those who haven't lived it but completely rational for her.

Anonymous wrote:My mother, admittedly, grew up poor, the only child of an alcoholic father. But she married my father, who became a wealthy doctor, and from the age of 25 was a SAHM and has never had a job since. Since my father passed away 10 years ago, she is in perfect health in her mid-60s, has around $10 million in her own name….and does nothing but complain about how hard her life is!

Meanwhile I became a teacher, married a social worker, had two kids. We are happy, but I do struggle with trying to get everything done, care for my kids, work full time, and all on not much money.

I understand I made my own choices, and I know she is probably lonely, but I just have less and less patience with hearing how rough my mom has it. Does anyone have any advice for helping me feel more generous towards her? I have upended my whole life several times to help her out – stayed with her for 6 weeks during my first maternity leave to sell her house and get her moved into a condo, for example – and she literally hasn’t come to visit me once during a tough past two years since my youngest was born, husband lost job, and we had to downsize houses. She is just always “so overwhelmed” to do anything to help, and I am getting resentful (and don't like feeling this way).

Anonymous wrote:No advice, just commiseration. You don't sound like you resent her wealth, just her complaining. You must be nicer than me! With my mom, I resent her flaunting all the nice things she spends money on while I struggle. If I'm ever wealthy, I will definitely help my kids out. Why sit on $10 million and be miserable, when you could give just a fraction of that to your kids and probably create some good memories? (I'm thinking family vacations or something like that).

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that she does have health issues in her mid 60s.

At the very least, she probably has some aches and pains.

Plus, her mental capacity could be diminishing.

She helped you out when u were growing up. Now she is old. You shouldn't be expecting her help.