Anonymous wrote:I don't believe in unconditional love, except perhaps from a parent to a child (even this might be debatable, as the child becomes an adult)

I feel like "unconditional love" is something selfish/lying/manipulative people made to make others feel bad, for not putting up with them.

There are requisites and conditions in all relationships. Basic kindness, consideration, honesty, etc.

+10000000000

I don't think unconditional love is normal. ALL human relationships rely on some reciprocity, and ALL human relationships (except a parent to young child) needs some conditions. Everybody needs a little bit of something back - even if it's a little respect and kindness. The word "relate" (in relationships - romantic, family, friend, professional, other) by definition indicates arrows going both ways between persons.

I think this brings up the age-old question - "what is love?"

There are different kinds of love obviously, and I don't think the question can be answered equally for child/spouse/family/friend/etc. One of my siblings is a very angry, very manipulative, very mean, and very dishonest person. I have made the decision to permanently cut them out of my life. It's been a long and painful journey and they have repeatedly hurt me very badly. I can honestly say at this point that I don't think I love them. What I mean by this is:

- I do not respect the anymore. I have lost total and complete respect for them.
- I have zero trust in them.
- I do not like them as a human being, at all
- I do not wish them harm and I don't wish terrible things upon them, but I also don't wish terrible things upon a random person or random neighbor on the next cul-de-sac. My sibling is not that different at this point.
- I do not want them in my life, and my life is made better without them

I don't stew in hatred and wishing bad things upon them, but I don't feel that I love them. If something happened to them I think I would be sad for the person they were, but I don't know if I would feel much grief over them. I have other siblings and I can confidently say that I love them - but my relationship with them is very different.

I don't know if I believe in unconditional love except for your child. Other than that I think conditional love is important and healthy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband all the time that only one woman will ever love him unconditionally -- his mother. And she would, no matter what he did. Me, as a spouse, I have many conditions on my love for him. He must remain faithful, law abiding, sober, etc.

That sounds like extremely conditional and shallow love. I have found, much to my surprise, that I love my spouse without those conditions. However, my LIKE is highly conditional.

I don't think it's shallow to stop loving someone because they are unfaithful. I know my love would turn to hate if DH cheated.

It's not that simple. I always wondered how women could stay with someone who had cheated or who had addiction issues or whatever, and then I was put in that position, and found to my extreme pain and horror that I still loved the person. It would be so much easier not to!

I think OP does not really know what love is. If you can stop loving your own kids, wow, that is really saying something. Some people never really love -- they just fake it until the person they "love" does something and then there is no longer a reason to pretend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband all the time that only one woman will ever love him unconditionally -- his mother. And she would, no matter what he did. Me, as a spouse, I have many conditions on my love for him. He must remain faithful, law abiding, sober, etc.

That sounds like extremely conditional and shallow love. I have found, much to my surprise, that I love my spouse without those conditions. However, my LIKE is highly conditional.

I don't think it's shallow to stop loving someone because they are unfaithful. I know my love would turn to hate if DH cheated.

It's not that simple. I always wondered how women could stay with someone who had cheated or who had addiction issues or whatever, and then I was put in that position, and found to my extreme pain and horror that I still loved the person. It would be so much easier not to!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree, especially when it comes to children. There isn't anything my children could do that would make me stop loving them. I might not like them, I might even really dislike them but I would still love them. It is hard to explain but that's just how I feel.

OP here,

I totally get that while they are young, however like PP said...what happens when they become adults, can't things change?

Assuming you raise your own children, how are you not responsible for how they turn out?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband all the time that only one woman will ever love him unconditionally -- his mother. And she would, no matter what he did. Me, as a spouse, I have many conditions on my love for him. He must remain faithful, law abiding, sober, etc.

That sounds like extremely conditional and shallow love. I have found, much to my surprise, that I love my spouse without those conditions. However, my LIKE is highly conditional.

I don't think it's shallow to stop loving someone because they are unfaithful. I know my love would turn to hate if DH cheated.