Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter if they are close or far away? I'm being serious, not snarky.

How much did you go home in college? How many times did your parents visit?

I went to school about a 3 hour drive from home. The first time I went home was for Thanksgiving. I never went home for spring or summer break. My parents usually came to visit once or twice a year, though I'm fairly certain they didn't come my first year until family weekend in the spring.

I think it can matter, a lot. Like some others, I went a fair distance for college (10 hour drive), and while I'm not sure I went home any less during the school year than I would have had I stayed close-by, the decision to go so far from home had long-term effect: I met my future spouse there, which led to my settling 500 miles from home and raising my children far from my family, something that has caused me some sadness over the years. My mother has always been a good sport about the distance but she admitted to me recently that she very much wishes I hadn't gone so far from home for college. As my oldest starts looking at schools, this issue is very much on my mind.

I feel your pain, OP, even though mine are not in college yet. But we're getting very close. DD is NOT looking at any college we can't drive to in a day. She's a sheltered, shy child who has not spent much time away from home -- only a few sleepovers and school outings. Perhaps she'll get to college, and not come home until Thanksgiving, or she'll want to see us more frequently. I don't know, but I can't bear the thought of her being an airplane ride away, aside from the cost.

To the PPs who were thrilled to go to college far from home, did you get along with your parents? We are a close family, so the thought of a child moving across the country would make everyone sad.

I went to college far from home, and I was very homesick. I wish I'd stayed closer to home, just for the transition. Once you're in grad school, distance is less important.

You'll get through it, OP. But find out what your child wants. Maybe he's not thrilled about Occidental either. A free ride isn't much of a bargain if your child is miserable.

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter if they are close or far away? I'm being serious, not snarky.

How much did you go home in college? How many times did your parents visit?

I went to school about a 3 hour drive from home. The first time I went home was for Thanksgiving. I never went home for spring or summer break. My parents usually came to visit once or twice a year, though I'm fairly certain they didn't come my first year until family weekend in the spring.

I went home for 3 Christmas breaks and then 2 summers, and that was it. My junior year I was abroad for 11 months and never went home during that period, and had a short 3 weeks at home before senior year. My parents visited me once for a few days when I was abroad. And my brothers came to visit a couple of times during college, but otherwise that was it until I graduated and they all came out.

Didn't bother me at all. In fact, it gave me a real sense of freedom for the first time in my life. I really bloomed being so far away from family. But that's my own story.

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter if they are close or far away? I'm being serious, not snarky.

How much did you go home in college? How many times did your parents visit?

I went to school about a 3 hour drive from home. The first time I went home was for Thanksgiving. I never went home for spring or summer break. My parents usually came to visit once or twice a year, though I'm fairly certain they didn't come my first year until family weekend in the spring.

I think it can matter, a lot. Like some others, I went a fair distance for college (10 hour drive), and while I'm not sure I went home any less during the school year than I would have had I stayed close-by, the decision to go so far from home had long-term effect: I met my future spouse there, which led to my settling 500 miles from home and raising my children far from my family, something that has caused me some sadness over the years. My mother has always been a good sport about the distance but she admitted to me recently that she very much wishes I hadn't gone so far from home for college. As my oldest starts looking at schools, this issue is very much on my mind.

OP ~ I hear it is more painful for parent who have kids down the street (like George Mason and parents live in Fairfax) AND they don't see their kids.

Anonymous wrote:anyone who calls Stanford not an ultra competitive school is confused. Perhaps on the west coast people seem more chill, but it's all superficial in the bay area.

+1. I hope what PP means is that you do not have the same "in your face" competitiveness that East Coast schools are known for. Seeming like you are not competitive is a "badge of honor" there. But those kids ARE subtly competitive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so much better reading the responses. A little. I'm reminded that my precious little snowflake isn't the only one going so far away. And that he will be fine. Which I already knew. It's ME who's struggling with it.

My son was an Ivy contender who was a shy, sweet mama's boy who competed against himself, not other kids. An ultra-competitive school would not be the right environment for him. That's why he went to Stanford. We agreed that either he would fly home or at least one of us would fly out to visit him once each month. We did this his entire freshman year. In his second year he went to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and went on a spring break trip with friends. In his third year he would tell us "We don't need to do a trip next month" many times.

I went across the country for college. If my parents had shown up every month to visit, i would have been mortified.

I have to agree.

DD is at Stanford. It was tough at first but she loves it and it gives us reason to visit Northern California twice a year. She grew up here and spent most of her life here or in NYC (where DH is from). Going to school in Cali opened up the world for her. She is a different kid and for the better. Like PP said, she has developed a support network there and we have gotten to know the parents of her friends from the area. We had one minor crisis and her suitemate's mom was great at running triage for us.

Like PP, we use Facetime and Skype a lot. Tech has made the world a smaller place.

Does it really matter if they are close or far away? I'm being serious, not snarky.

How much did you go home in college? How many times did your parents visit?

I went to school about a 3 hour drive from home. The first time I went home was for Thanksgiving. I never went home for spring or summer break. My parents usually came to visit once or twice a year, though I'm fairly certain they didn't come my first year until family weekend in the spring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so much better reading the responses. A little. I'm reminded that my precious little snowflake isn't the only one going so far away. And that he will be fine. Which I already knew. It's ME who's struggling with it.

My son was an Ivy contender who was a shy, sweet mama's boy who competed against himself, not other kids. An ultra-competitive school would not be the right environment for him. That's why he went to Stanford. We agreed that either he would fly home or at least one of us would fly out to visit him once each month. We did this his entire freshman year. In his second year he went to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and went on a spring break trip with friends. In his third year he would tell us "We don't need to do a trip next month" many times.

I went across the country for college. If my parents had shown up every month to visit, i would have been mortified.

My daughter will probably go at least 9 hours by car. I think it will be hard, definitely, but I"m trying to focus on her growing her wings. Trying...

I have a very large extended family so I'm taking solace in the fact I have cousins everywhere and someone could be there in a moment's notice until one of us could be.

Still, I feel your pain. We have one more year to go...

Congratulations on the full ride. Wonderful!

anyone who calls Stanford not an ultra competitive school is confused. Perhaps on the west coast people seem more chill, but it's all superficial in the bay area.

I went far away for college and it was the best decision I ever made.

My 5yo DD informed me that I'd be driving her every day to *graduate school*! . OP, I dread the idea of her going really far away to college. She'd be fine, but I'd be so sad. Congrats to your son for the free ride, though. That's amazing!!

Anonymous wrote:I feel so much better reading the responses. A little. I'm reminded that my precious little snowflake isn't the only one going so far away. And that he will be fine. Which I already knew. It's ME who's struggling with it.

My son was an Ivy contender who was a shy, sweet mama's boy who competed against himself, not other kids. An ultra-competitive school would not be the right environment for him. That's why he went to Stanford. We agreed that either he would fly home or at least one of us would fly out to visit him once each month. We did this his entire freshman year. In his second year he went to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and went on a spring break trip with friends. In his third year he would tell us "We don't need to do a trip next month" many times.

Anonymous wrote:For me, the issue was cost of flying back and forth. DC was really interested in a school in CA, but we reminded him that he'd be spending lots and lots of money he probably wouldn't have on coming home and going back out for breaks. We warned him that he'd have to be OK with only coming home once or twice per year.

Flying to CA can actually be pretty cheap. I travel for work and CA us one of the cheaper places I fly. Less than NY in most cases. By contrast MN, where I went to college, is usually very expensive. It takes more time to fly to CA of course.