Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only child, and my parents know that I'm never moving back to my hometown. When it's down to one of them, there may be a move to a facility here, but that's still aways off.

I'd be clear with your parents that you're never moving back. That's just not your responsibility. They'll know that if they want help, they'll need to hire it, and your sibling can decide how much he does or doesn't want to be involved. You can talk with your brother about how to time travel so it's useful for everyone.

WOW! MY GOD, I HOPE MY CHILDREN WILL TREAT ME OR AT LEAST SPEAK ABOUT ME IN MY OLD AGE A BIT MORE KINDLY THAN YOU DO TO YOUR PARENTS. I DON'T EXPECT MY CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF ME, BUT I HOPE TO GOD THAT THEY WOULD WANT TO PLAY A ROLE IN MY CARE WHEN I AM TOO OLD TO CARE FOR MYSELF.

If you want your children to help you, then you have to be willing to make some compromises. If parents aren't willing to compromise, then they can hire their own help.

PP wasn't unkind. The reality is that elderly parents are not entitled to ruin their children's and grandchildren's lives simply because they will not move to where their family is. It's not fair to the rest of the family. Dependents (ie. children and elderly parents) don't get to decide where the family will live. That's up to the breadwinners who are supporting the family. If elderly parents can't take that, then they have to hire help or go to a care facility.

BTW, you might want to turn off your caps button.

Bigger space can make a huge difference for some families.

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only child, and my parents know that I'm never moving back to my hometown. When it's down to one of them, there may be a move to a facility here, but that's still aways off.

I'd be clear with your parents that you're never moving back. That's just not your responsibility. They'll know that if they want help, they'll need to hire it, and your sibling can decide how much he does or doesn't want to be involved. You can talk with your brother about how to time travel so it's useful for everyone.

I wish I had a brother who knew how to time travel. Or teleport.

My in laws are currently bound to their hometown by their own very elderly mothers. One just passed away, and she was the one who would not budge-so one the estate is wrapped up I think they'll start thinking more seriously about moving. They are retired, and have been wanting to start spending at least some of each winter in Florida anyway, but couldn't leave the 2 grandmothers alone. DH is an only child, so we expect they'll move down near us to be near the grandkids. We're hoping for somewhere about 60-90 minutes away, close enough to easily get together, but not close enough for an "everybody loves Raymond" situation. They can't afford to live close in anyway, and my FIL doesn't do well with very urban settings anyway. MIL and her sister have been trying to get their mom to move in with the sister, but she doesn't like that SIL, so she won't. Hopefully she'd be willing to move down here with them/near them. Otherwise, I guess they'll wait til she passes. That sounds terrible, but she's 89 and in pretty bad health so it's on everyone's radar.

My own parents are ten years older than my inlaws, but in much better shape financially and health wise. Right now they're busy traveling the world and having a great time on their 2-3 big trips a year. I'm not sure what they'll do when they get past that point. I know my mom would like to downsize (still have their 4 bedroom house) but my dad would hate to be in an apartment. My siblings are spread out all over the country. I suspect that they'd move closer to us if they move anywhere, but not certain.

Our house isn't big enough for anyone else to live with us-I guess if situations changed a lot we might move somewhere bigger, but I think we'd all drive each other nuts if we had to live together. We get along well with both sets of parents but it gets stressful if we're all in each other's space all the time.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single parent and will be moving home in the next year or so for this reason. I have three siblings still in the area and I am sure they will all play an active role in their care (we've had some scares and everyone has stepped up and played their part). I will seek out a home with a first floor suite. My sister has one in her home too, so our parents will be welcome in either.

Being a parent has opened my eyes to all that my parents have done for me. I now understand I have a duty to do the same for them.

Caring people like you, make the world a better place.
Thank you.

I'm a single parent and will be moving home in the next year or so for this reason. I have three siblings still in the area and I am sure they will all play an active role in their care (we've had some scares and everyone has stepped up and played their part). I will seek out a home with a first floor suite. My sister has one in her home too, so our parents will be welcome in either.

Being a parent has opened my eyes to all that my parents have done for me. I now understand I have a duty to do the same for them.

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child. My parents are young - mid 60s - but they will move to VA in the next 5 years or so, ideally to a condo near a metro so they can be close enough to be active grandparents and also have some where they can stay independent for as long as possible.

Oh - and then they will live with us until they need serious nursing care. My husband agreed to this before we married. It was important that my husband was on board because my parents might need some financial help. I am the breadwinner though, so perhaps it's easier to ask him to make that kind of financial and emotional commitment. My husband's parents will move closer to his 2 sisters who are both in Northern California. When I think of them being old and being so far away, it makes me sad. I imagine he will have many years of flying to California 3-4 times a year instead of the 1 trip we make now.

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I both feel very strongly that we had a duty to help our parents when they needed it. It was very stressful at the time we were going through it, but I do not regret it. That being said, we did not have to move as we were all within easy commuting distance.
DH and I actually wanted to relocate during that time, but decided not to so we could be near our families. We don't regret it one bit!!
Now that our parents are gone, we'll probably consider relocating after retirement.

You gave your children an incredible example of how to be a healthy family.

They will most likely do the same, when the time comes.
Kudos to you.

I am an only child. My parents are young - mid 60s - but they will move to VA in the next 5 years or so, ideally to a condo near a metro so they can be close enough to be active grandparents and also have some where they can stay independent for as long as possible.

Anonymous wrote:My DH parents live with us and, while there are sacrifices, the benefits of having full time grandparents for my DS outweigh anything else.

If you're smart (and lucky!) enough to make this work, it's the best possible senerio for so many reasons, IMHO.
Congratulations, PP. Your child is most fortunate.