This is ridiculous. If you buy a gift for one kid you don't automatically have to buy a gift for the other kid. FAIR does NOT mean EQUAL. If your in laws want to visit more, then they need to be better guests. It's that simple.

You need to be able to talk to your husband, OP, and tell him that his parents walking into your bedroom is completely unacceptable. Get a lock on your door. Use it. But speak honestly with your husband.

We're in a similar situation, and have a family thing coming up as well. My parents are staying in a hotel this time. We like having them here as they're super helpful, but it's not fair to let them and not ILs, so we're just avoiding the drama.

OP I think you are setting yourself up for both DH and the in laws to resent you. Either nobody stays in a hotel or everyone does. Personally I don't have an extra $1000-1500 laying around I would want to spend on a hotel for this so I would suck it up.

Hotel for in-laws.

There's a place called HOTEL.

You should have the baby sleep in your room and give the inlaws the baby's room. You need to be ore accommodating to guests - they are your husband parents.

How about you and your DH get to stay in the hotel and leave the baby with your ILs at your place? (My dream!)

Anonymous wrote:Hotel for the ILs definitely. Your FIL yelled at a 4 month old baby to knock it off? Surely a 13 month old will make more noise and 'disturb' FIL more than a 4 month old. I couldn't handle having the ILs there. If you want your mom to stay with you do so, but yes the ILs may be butthurt about that. You could also put your mom in a hotel.

THIS! Who does this?? That alone would make me want to draw some very clear boundaries.

last time my FIL and ESMIL (Evil, Step) my ESMIL stayed in my house, without leaving, for 3 solid days.

I told husband no more of that bullship. about a month later, my cousin and her husband came and did the same thing although for only one day.

None of those people are helpful and actually cause more work. I"m just saying no.

Give a break to your parents in law. Your mother comes often enough and your husband welcomes her..do the same for him. Down the road he is going to resent t

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are far easier than yours and I had a mini-breakdown when they stayed with us, in our much larger 2-bedroom, when our kid was about the age of your kid.

If your in-laws have the means, I would have no guilt telling them "Look, we love you guys, but we've tried this a few ways and we need a less crowded apartment in the evenings for us and the baby needs this too. You can come every morning when you wake up, and you can stay into the evening, we want you to feel welcome because you are."

Or if they are of limited means too and you are not, offer to pay for a hotel or just book it. You may also consider booking a hotel for your mom to ease the competitive feelings if that helps.

OP here. Thanks for all of the suggestions. I hear you about the mini-breakdown! That's one thing that concerns me. I'm starting to wean, and my hormones seem to be going haywire because of it - we actually stopped the weaning process and will try again when our lives calm down a bit. I'm worried that I'm already a bit on edge. Took zoloft pre-pregnancy, haven't been on it since DS was conceived, so it takes me a lot of energy to hold myself together sometimes.

My in-laws are far easier than yours and I had a mini-breakdown when they stayed with us, in our much larger 2-bedroom, when our kid was about the age of your kid.

If your in-laws have the means, I would have no guilt telling them "Look, we love you guys, but we've tried this a few ways and we need a less crowded apartment in the evenings for us and the baby needs this too. You can come every morning when you wake up, and you can stay into the evening, we want you to feel welcome because you are."

Or if they are of limited means too and you are not, offer to pay for a hotel or just book it. You may also consider booking a hotel for your mom to ease the competitive feelings if that helps.

In-laws get a hotel because there are 2 of them and one of your mom. The issue in our 650 sq ft apartment which we are leaving for a house with a guest room is the single bathroom. I would rather have 3 adults share than 4 adults.

Our rule has been guests for 3 nights max and never on mornings when we have to go to work - until we have more bathrooms.

We will have 2 bathrooms at the new 1100 sq ft house, but we're putting the futon in the nursery so now I don't have a way to host all 4 grandparents at once. I swear this never ends. I am so jealous of my friends in the Midwest with their 5+ bedroom houses that they paid $250k for.

Anonymous wrote:
Could all of the parents stay at a hotel? Could you foot half of your mom's hotel bill, OP?

Or cover all of it? I completely understand having different housing situations for different sorts of guests. But since they'll be overlapping, I think it's just too blatant if you have the appearance of giving your mom preferential treatment (i.e. more access to the grandbaby).

Alternately, if you end up feeling that you need to offer them a chance to stay with you, I think your husband needs to make it contingent on them following your house rules. "If you stayed here, we'd need you up by 7 a.m. since nanny comes at 7:15 and needs to be in and out of the living room. Nap time is 1-4, so we'd need you out of the apartment during those hours to keep things quiet. And after baby goes to sleep at 8, we're exhausted and will be getting ready for bed. I think you'll be more comfortable in the hotel--then you can come by at your leisure in the morning and spend a few hours with baby before his nap. Afterward, you can head out for some sightseeing or relaxing at the hotel. We'd be happy to meet up again at dinnertime for some take-out."

Hotel for the ILs definitely. Your FIL yelled at a 4 month old baby to knock it off? Surely a 13 month old will make more noise and 'disturb' FIL more than a 4 month old. I couldn't handle having the ILs there. If you want your mom to stay with you do so, but yes the ILs may be butthurt about that. You could also put your mom in a hotel.