Anonymous wrote:The least it's been is never, the most it's been is twice a year. It's only when something big has gone on.

This year it was "Julia will be missing these two days of school for her vacation." and "I apologize if Julia's behavior is poor today - she was up until 11pm working on the math project given because her teammate did not do his portion of the work and Julia didn't want her grade penalized."

Last year it was "Due to a death in my immediate family, I will be across the country for the next week and a half. My friend Tricia, who you've met, will be picking Julia up from school each afternoon, and delivering her to Kelly each evening to sleep over at Ben and Zoe's house. Kelly will bring Julia to school each morning with her kids (you have Ben for math). Please call Tricia (cellxxx) with any local/immediate emergencies, and you can reach me by cell also."

(See bolded portion) Wow, that's one of the most passive-aggressive things I've ever read! You made the crazy-meter, I'm afraid.

According to this thread I guess I've been in contact with my child's K teacher a fair amount. However none of these were in regards to my child's academic performance - we talked about that at conferences. They were:

1) Absences / carpool changes (school policy is to email office + teacher so that's what I do).

2) A couple emails related to a death in the family

3) Emails related to the fact that my child has special dietary needs - though I am doing my best to enable my child to manage this on their own it is a process, and at this point I still feel it is my role to help my child.

4) 1 or 2 emails when organizing a class party (parent volunteers were solicited for this and it was 'hosted' by my child's class.)

Middle grade elementary parent here - I expect communication will become less frequent as my kids get older.

Emails initiated by me are about logistics - informing the teacher about absences or trying to make up work.

Sometimes I have a question for the teacher in response to an email sent to class parents by the teacher - or clarifying how information sent in a school-wide email might affect DC's class specifically.

A few times I have sent a special thanks when a teacher update email was particularly helpful.

It also depends on the teacher - some are more "chatty"
with parents than others.

One of our children tells us nothing about school - which always surprises DC's teachers when we tell them this fact. Upon learning this information, a "chattier" teacher might occaisionally share a nice story with us about our child (and yet still be shocked to discover we really knew nothing about the story) This is always nice but we would never ask for such updates.

Our other child is an open book - so we hear all the stories directly from DC. This child also is a bit more active - so there have been times we contacted a teacher to make sure our child wasn't out of line.

Anonymous wrote:When my child was in elementary private school, I checked in with the teacher every 2 weeks. Just a quick note to ask about progress or a class activities.

This is nuts unless you and the teacher are monitoring a particular issue.

Anonymous wrote:I call and email a lot - always be polite and thank them profusely. I always give generous gifts to the teacher for holidays, including Valentine's Day. You have a partnership with the teacher and that requires communication.

Ugh. How is giving a generous gift to your kid's teacher fostering a "partnership?"

The least it's been is never, the most it's been is twice a year. It's only when something big has gone on.

This year it was "Julia will be missing these two days of school for her vacation." and "I apologize if Julia's behavior is poor today - she was up until 11pm working on the math project given because her teammate did not do his portion of the work and Julia didn't want her grade penalized."

Last year it was "Due to a death in my immediate family, I will be across the country for the next week and a half. My friend Tricia, who you've met, will be picking Julia up from school each afternoon, and delivering her to Kelly each evening to sleep over at Ben and Zoe's house. Kelly will bring Julia to school each morning with her kids (you have Ben for math). Please call Tricia (cellxxx) with any local/immediate emergencies, and you can reach me by cell also."

17:42 again. Yes, I was joking about paying for the privilege to bother teachers and administrators. I don't see why you think it means I think the school personnel are lower status. All the privates we visited emphasized a partnership between the school and parents. We get daily emails from the school, regular assignments to bring snacks or help in the classroom, calls to chaperone field trips and special events, and a host of school wide fundraising and volunteer appeals. So for all the money and additional time demanded by the school, I think there is a mutual expectation for lots of parental communication and individualized attention to DC.

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe these teachers are from the private schools we're talking about on this board. No parent paying $25k+ would be ok with a teacher who thinks parents should never contact teachers. We pay for the privilege of bothering teachers and administrators a lot! Besides Sidwell/GDS/Beauvoir etc. request/insist that parents help out in the classroom all the time so we're always around and it is hard to hate us without us knowing. Intensive back and forth with parents is part of the job in expensive private schools at the lower school level. Teachers who ignore parents get complained about and too many complaints mean no contract renewal. It's a different story by high school since the schools really expect the students to be accountable for themselves without parental involvement.

You "pay for the privilege of bothering teachers and administrators"? Maybe you were trying to be funny, but your comment is very revealing about your view that school personnel are of much lower status than you.

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe these teachers are from the private schools we're talking about on this board. No parent paying $25k+ would be ok with a teacher who thinks parents should never contact teachers. We pay for the privilege of bothering teachers and administrators a lot! Besides Sidwell/GDS/Beauvoir etc. request/insist that parents help out in the classroom all the time so we're always around and it is hard to hate us without us knowing. Intensive back and forth with parents is part of the job in expensive private schools at the lower school level. Teachers who ignore parents get complained about and too many complaints mean no contract renewal. It's a different story by high school since the schools really expect the students to be accountable for themselves without parental involvement.

There is not a single poster here who thinks parents should never contact teachers. Even the PP who wrote "never" clarified that its because there are no issues. You are creating a straw man.

The sign of the PITA parent is the idea that you've paid blah blah blah and so you are entitled to blah blah blah. You do not own these teachers. And you aren't even their bosses -- that would be the head of the school. When you "bother the teacher a lot" you don;t do your child any favors.

I have "intensive contact" when there's a problem. Actually, I should say I have contact when there's a problem. If it requires a level of intensity I will set up a meeting. This has happened once or twice. I will shoot teacher's an email about things they should know ("DC's grandmother died over the weekend." "DC is having a lot of anxiety about X." ) Thats it.

We've raised a generation of children under this parental microscope. Its not healthy for them. I have teens now and I see how this affects them later. The rule of thumb should be, if they can do something on their own, let them do it own their own. If things are going fine, don't get involved. Accept that you are no longer involved in every minute of your child's life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here is the viewpoint from the teacher side:

Parents did or didn't email me. Out of 21 kids last year about 5 parents emailed me. Out of those 2 of them emailed what I felt was excessively. 3 sent sporadic emails.

Wow! OP here. I find this so interesting. I maybe should have added that at drop off the kids are walked into the building so I don't see the teacher. I work so I don't do the pick up. I really am interested in what my child is learning and I feel like if I did not email and ask questions every so often I would NEVER even see his teacher.

I guess that some parents don't feel the need to interact with the teacher and if they are happy with that then she should not change. I just want to know as much about my child as I can, and he is not always a reliable communicator, so I rely on the the teacher at times. I am always nice, I actually think the teacher is great, so I don't complain, so hopefully teacher does not see me as a helicopter, crazy parent.

OP, you need to change your expectations of contact with the teachers. In preschool you get a lot of facetime. In elementary you need to back away, even starting in K. At DC's elementary parents weren't allowed to walk kids into class for this very reason. This idea that you should know all about their day even if its going fine is misplaced and intrusive.

You should get plenty of feedback at back to school night, school events and especially parent-teacher conferences. Show up for these and you show you are interested. Beyond that you are wasting the teacher's precious time. You may be perfectly nice but you will still create the impression that you are over involved.

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe these teachers are from the private schools we're talking about on this board. No parent paying $25k+ would be ok with a teacher who thinks parents should never contact teachers. We pay for the privilege of bothering teachers and administrators a lot! Besides Sidwell/GDS/Beauvoir etc. request/insist that parents help out in the classroom all the time so we're always around and it is hard to hate us without us knowing. Intensive back and forth with parents is part of the job in expensive private schools at the lower school level. Teachers who ignore parents get complained about and too many complaints mean no contract renewal. It's a different story by high school since the schools really expect the students to be accountable for themselves without parental involvement.

I've got children at one of those schools, and while the teachers are big into preaching self-reliance for the children and deterring helicoptering over the children, they also regularly encourage parents to contact them directly about any issues/questions/concerns.

I suspect that as a practical matter, whether your email to a teacher is considered annoying or not depends mostly on what the email is about. If there's a real issue your child is facing - disputes with a classmate, not understanding something in class, problems at home - then I suspect most teachers will be happy to converse with you at length. But if you're peppering the teacher with meaningless questions and grubbing for attention, you're going to be considered annoying after just one email.

I can't believe these teachers are from the private schools we're talking about on this board. No parent paying $25k+ would be ok with a teacher who thinks parents should never contact teachers. We pay for the privilege of bothering teachers and administrators a lot! Besides Sidwell/GDS/Beauvoir etc. request/insist that parents help out in the classroom all the time so we're always around and it is hard to hate us without us knowing. Intensive back and forth with parents is part of the job in expensive private schools at the lower school level. Teachers who ignore parents get complained about and too many complaints mean no contract renewal. It's a different story by high school since the schools really expect the students to be accountable for themselves without parental involvement.

Anonymous wrote:When my child was in elementary private school, I checked in with the teacher every 2 weeks. Just a quick note to ask about progress or a class activities.

This is too much. "A quick note" asking about progress is really annoying to teachers, especially every 2 weeks. Believe me if they go from counting by 5's to advanced geometry in those two weeks, you will hear about it.

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher I want to hear from you if...

1. Something is going on in your child's life that impacts them socially, emotionally or academically at school.

2. If you have legitimate concerns about your child at school - socially, emotionally or academically.

3. In response to an email I send to you about concerns I have.

4. About extended absences

Otherwise I don't need to hear from you. Most other information you can get from the website, talking to your child, having your child ask at school the next day, talking to other parents, newsletters etc. Please don't email asking for clarification on a homework page. Just write on the page - couldn't complete as instructions weren't clear.

I agree exactly. What on earth is helpful about emails "just to check in"??? Inefficient and big waste of time.

As a parent I try to be as unobtrusive as possible. My friend with a child in second grade, wants the teacher to change an "N" on a report. This friend was always pro-intervention and "communication", but this is a new low.

Anonymous wrote:Never

I was the poster who said never.
If they contact me, I reply. Otherwise, never.

I don't care what they think, my kids are solid students who stay out of trouble. What is there to contact them about?