Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH on good terms with his ex-wife?

Op here. Yes, we all are. I find her especially respectable in that she turned down sizable and entitled alimony when they divorced. If she had taken that money ABC school would not be an issue for her family so I feel like its good karma to pay for schooling if that makes sense. I just think it shows a lot of her character. We are very different women and don't spend time together without the kids and keep things light but DH has never bad mouthed her. (to me at least!)

This sounds wonderful. Wish my parents and step-mother would have talked/treated each other like this. Kudos, OP.

I agree with other PPs, sending all the kids to the same school is the right thing to do. Judging from what you said about the ex-wife, there shouldn't be a big problem when asking her and her DH about this idea. Very classy family.

If the ex or the new husband feel like there would be strings attached with the money is there anyway that the money could be put in some sort of education trust or some other fund for the kid with the intent that it be used for ABC school. I'm not rich so I don't know what the legal terms would be but I'm sure your accountant and lawyer could help you figure something out. That way they would know their child's schooling was not dependent on your mood. They might more easily accept the gift that way.

This is crazy. I don't think I've ever seen a DCUM thread containing so many agreeing and agreeable people.

OP, please go and fix the Middle East now. Stop over at Crimea while you're at it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think this is just "too friendly"...these people divorced and procreated with other people for a reason...why try to unify NOW?

For the children. Your implication shows your colors.

I agree! It's too bad more people can't handle themselves this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH on good terms with his ex-wife?

Op here. Yes, we all are. I find her especially respectable in that she turned down sizable and entitled alimony when they divorced. If she had taken that money ABC school would not be an issue for her family so I feel like its good karma to pay for schooling if that makes sense. I just think it shows a lot of her character. We are very different women and don't spend time together without the kids and keep things light but DH has never bad mouthed her. (to me at least!)

You all sound like a pretty great group of people. Really.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it, bless your heart. Really. Make the offer simply and with love. I can't think of a better gift.

+1,000,000! It's sounds like you married a great man OP!

As the ex-wife, I would say 'thanks, but no thanks". I just would not want those kinds of financial ties with my ex-husband who is NOT the father of the kids whose education he was financing. I would be eternally grateful that he would want to engender a close, sibling relationship, and my current husband and I would work with him on doing this. But, in my finances, sort of dictating where my (not his) kids go to school and he's paying those bills...NAHHHHH...HELL...NAHHH!

Am I the only person who things that it is perhaps not ideal for siblings or half siblings to be in the same grade in the same school? It might be good for them to get space from each other since they r the same age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the posters who gave conversation starters...I especially like how one pp phrased it as doing a service to my child by sending them together because that couldn't be more true! Do you think we should stage the offer as 4 adults meeting somewhere (we've had similar family meetings successfully this way ) or should DH plant the idea with ex-wife first and then have a more formal meeting down the line?

I would have DH do a pre- meeting with his ex to float the idea first.

But if you go this route make sure he communicates that you're completely on board with the idea... I can imagine her being afraid that it would interfere with her relationship with you.

Y'all are awesome, truly. Warms my shriveled, jaded little heart.

+1 and +1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the posters who gave conversation starters...I especially like how one pp phrased it as doing a service to my child by sending them together because that couldn't be more true! Do you think we should stage the offer as 4 adults meeting somewhere (we've had similar family meetings successfully this way ) or should DH plant the idea with ex-wife first and then have a more formal meeting down the line?

I would have DH do a pre- meeting with his ex to float the idea first.

But if you go this route make sure he communicates that you're completely on board with the idea... I can imagine her being afraid that it would interfere with her relationship with you.

Y'all are awesome, truly. Warms my shriveled, jaded little heart.

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the posters who gave conversation starters...I especially like how one pp phrased it as doing a service to my child by sending them together because that couldn't be more true! Do you think we should stage the offer as 4 adults meeting somewhere (we've had similar family meetings successfully this way ) or should DH plant the idea with ex-wife first and then have a more formal meeting down the line?

I would have DH do a pre- meeting with his ex to float the idea first.

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the posters who gave conversation starters...I especially like how one pp phrased it as doing a service to my child by sending them together because that couldn't be more true! Do you think we should stage the offer as 4 adults meeting somewhere (we've had similar family meetings successfully this way ) or should DH plant the idea with ex-wife first and then have a more formal meeting down the line?

OP, I applaud you and your DH for putting the kids first and ensuring their relationship. It's truly is remarkable. I say GO FOR IT!

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think this is just "too friendly"...these people divorced and procreated with other people for a reason...why try to unify NOW?

For the children. Your implication shows your colors.

Does anyone think this is just "too friendly"...these people divorced and procreated with other people for a reason...why try to unify NOW?

OP here! Thanks for the posters who gave conversation starters...I especially like how one pp phrased it as doing a service to my child by sending them together because that couldn't be more true! Do you think we should stage the offer as 4 adults meeting somewhere (we've had similar family meetings successfully this way ) or should DH plant the idea with ex-wife first and then have a more formal meeting down the line?