Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Psychologists who are adherents of Erik Erickson's Lifespan Theory will understand about the importance of the 'mid-life crisis' which occurs around 40-50 years of age. The crisis during this life phase is "Stagnation vs. Regeneration" and it's important to make peace with things or do something constructive about it. Many people are on Match.com, Christian Mingle, or go back to school to get an advanced degree. Some buy the clichéd red convertible.

why is this "mid life crisis" looked upon so negatively? i think it's great if people change careers or ramp up dating or buy a hot car if they want to a that age. who cares? life is short and everyone needs to do whatever they need to (legally, morally) do to make them happy. the alternative seems much worse: turn 50 and stay in miserable dead end job, depressed about being single and driving a crap car for no reason. why would anyone do that???? i think a mid life crisis is a great thing. change is good!

Because some men (when they have a midlife crisis) think that by cheating with a younger woman rejuvenates them. SELF CHANGE is good- doing something to improve yourself to feel good is great. Having an affair to boost your ego, not so much. But splurging on something you can't afford isn't mature, it's childish. Nothing wrong with spending, if you have it to spend.

Anonymous wrote:Psychologists who are adherents of Erik Erickson's Lifespan Theory will understand about the importance of the 'mid-life crisis' which occurs around 40-50 years of age. The crisis during this life phase is "Stagnation vs. Regeneration" and it's important to make peace with things or do something constructive about it. Many people are on Match.com, Christian Mingle, or go back to school to get an advanced degree. Some buy the clichéd red convertible.

why is this "mid life crisis" looked upon so negatively? i think it's great if people change careers or ramp up dating or buy a hot car if they want to a that age. who cares? life is short and everyone needs to do whatever they need to (legally, morally) do to make them happy. the alternative seems much worse: turn 50 and stay in miserable dead end job, depressed about being single and driving a crap car for no reason. why would anyone do that???? i think a mid life crisis is a great thing. change is good!

I am in my late 60s and never married. i really encourage 40 ish women who are not married but want kids to either go to a sperm bank or to adopt. i adopted 3 siblings in my late 30s. they brought me so much joy and now i have grandchildren! not all, but two of my childless friends in my age group, seem to be aging much more quickly than me. they are intolerant of messes, noise, silliness, junk food, junk TV, you name it. everything is annoying to them. i feel very loved and enjoy it when my grand babies come over and mess up my house. I know everyone is different, but if you want kids, go for it. Or you may regret it in old age.

Anonymous wrote:I am 45 and single. I just adopted a baby girl. Having a child was always more important to me than being married. While I am not actively looking, I am not opposed to marriage, should the right person come along. If not, that is still ok. Life is great right now.

Congratulations! I adopted as a single mom at age 37 with the same view. Still single 16 years later and starting to worry about the impending empty nest, although I very much doubt I will ever get married even though I am open to it.

I turned 59 last week. Single, white female - never married. I've had great love affairs and memorable relationships but never really wanted to marry. I'm honestly very content in my life. I have friends, family... nieces, nephews, godchildren that I adore and have spoiled! I've had an exciting career with dramatic ups and downs. I've traveled a great deal. And I plan to join the Peace Corp when I turn 65. I have cherished my freedom and my solitude. Maybe I'll be sorry when I am old and sick with no children to care for me - but I might get hit by a bus and go fast!

I don't think marriage is a mystery - if you didn't marry it's because on some level you didn't want to.

I am 45 and single. I just adopted a baby girl. Having a child was always more important to me than being married. While I am not actively looking, I am not opposed to marriage, should the right person come along. If not, that is still ok. Life is great right now.

I have a friend in her mid-50s, never married, but always has had a boyfriend, since her teens. I don't understand why she's never married. Now she's inherited a lot of money and lives this sort of rich single middle-aged woman life. No job, but spends a lot of time and money on her appearance, her house, her car, clothes, hair, etc. Not particularly interested in working, even though she's very smart, and had a career that she quit when she inherited the pile of money. Her most recent boyfriend broke up with her, and she's still kind of looking around, but not really.

I honestly think she's stuck back in her 20s, a place she never wanted to leave. She found a boyfriend who was equally stuck, but he broke it off with her when she began to feel she wanted to get married.

I'm not even sure she actually wanted to get married. I think she wanted to keep that dating thing going, at some level. She has a very nice life, though, an enviable one. She has lots of friends, most of whom are married. She simply doesn't want that life, never really wanted kids enough to get married to any of her boyfriends. She always chooses men with marriage anxiety just to ensure that she'll never get married, subconsciously, I believe.

Maybe other never married over 50s are like my friend? Wanting to stay perpetually young?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL is 50+, never married, no kids and seems pretty damn happy and has a great life. He is retired, has a girlfriend who lives in Sweden, travels the world to interesting places. He never wanted kids but has a parrot.

We are very grateful since he is the one looking after the elderly parents. He found their assisted living facility, visits them several times a week, and looks after their financial affairs. He is a wonderful son. We live 3000 miles away so not sure what we would have done if it wasn't for him.

Honestly curious, do you think he could be gay and still in the closet? I know several men like this.

No, not gay. I've known all his previous girlfriends: They all moved on b/c he was always adamant about not wanting any kids. His Swedish girlfriend is actually perfect for him other than the fact she likes living in Sweden.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL is 50+, never married, no kids and seems pretty damn happy and has a great life. He is retired, has a girlfriend who lives in Sweden, travels the world to interesting places. He never wanted kids but has a parrot.

We are very grateful since he is the one looking after the elderly parents. He found their assisted living facility, visits them several times a week, and looks after their financial affairs. He is a wonderful son. We live 3000 miles away so not sure what we would have done if it wasn't for him.

Honestly curious, do you think he could be gay and still in the closet? I know several men like this.

My brother isn't gay and he is 50 and has a steady girlfriend. He likes his freedom and doesn't feel the need to change. He also helps with our elderly parents, which I am very grateful for since I also live very far away.

Anonymous wrote:My BIL is 50+, never married, no kids and seems pretty damn happy and has a great life. He is retired, has a girlfriend who lives in Sweden, travels the world to interesting places. He never wanted kids but has a parrot.

We are very grateful since he is the one looking after the elderly parents. He found their assisted living facility, visits them several times a week, and looks after their financial affairs. He is a wonderful son. We live 3000 miles away so not sure what we would have done if it wasn't for him.

Honestly curious, do you think he could be gay and still in the closet? I know several men like this.

My BIL is 50+, never married, no kids and seems pretty damn happy and has a great life. He is retired, has a girlfriend who lives in Sweden, travels the world to interesting places. He never wanted kids but has a parrot.

We are very grateful since he is the one looking after the elderly parents. He found their assisted living facility, visits them several times a week, and looks after their financial affairs. He is a wonderful son. We live 3000 miles away so not sure what we would have done if it wasn't for him.

Anonymous wrote:OP here--I think I need to clarify. I didn't state that, "I can't believe she'd walk away..." The male co-worker who got dumped has been saying this.

The male coworker has quite an ego. He thinks he's a great catch because she doesn't have much options....

To me, that sounds like he might have been a jerk to her thinking she is too desperate to leave him. When people start taking their loved ones for granted, it leads to trouble.

Anonymous wrote:I think that *usually* a person has their own reasons for still being single/never married at 50+. There are definite perks that come from leading an orderly and uncomplicated life, no one to answer to. But maybe these folks have never completely ruled out marriage for themselves in the back of their head and for some reason at 50 it hits them that their own options of ever marrying might be becoming more limited. Hard to say.

The guy who was put off because his gf declined to move in with him might have been genuinely hurt by her decision. It also may have been a wake up call for him (maybe he has a bit of an ego?) hard to say.

+1

Marriage and having children isn't for everyone, but I wonder if people who don't marry (or more specifically, don't have children) ever think about what their life will be like when they are elderly. (Just because you have children is no guarantee they will visit you when you are elderly.)

I think some people do marry and have kids so they are not lonely at the end of their lives. Some have friends or other relatives (cousins, siblings etc).

Either way, people are responsible for their own decisions and the consequences that follow from those decisions.

By the way, at 46, she can still have kids. GF probably got tired of waiting for your co-worker to make that step and she moved on. Good for her for not settling when she knew what she wanted.

OP here--it seems that my woman friends tend to avoid never been married guys in their late 40s early 50s over divorced guys b/c the never been married types seem to have a harder time compromising. it's funny that my guy co-worker automatically talks about how the women who are approaching 40 and older are "spinsters" yet never seems to acknowledge how he may not be that desirable to the opposite sex now that he's over 50. he's also pretty sexist, and i don't think my friends who are closer to 40 (which I am) are quite as sexist.

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I'm sure that there was more to it than her not having ruled out kids at 46. Probably she just wasn't that into him. Poor guy. But we've all BTDT and he'll eventually move on.

Are people's (or women's) dating options so limited at 46? I'm married but the single women I know in their 40s-50s seem to be happily dating. Many of them are dating younger men or divorced men with kids.

I think that it's fairly easy to date at the age but finding "the one" seems to get somewhat harder. It's probably highly individual, though.