man here----the other men have hit the nail on the head. Looks etc aside---be yourself. If you're a bitch--be a bitch. If you're an emotional basketcase--be an emotional basketcase. If you're obsessed with cats---let the guy know. Somebody will love you for who you are. If you change to just get the guy to like you---at some point, your true self will come out and you'll be back here asking how to deal with being ex-wife material.

I'll use my life as an example. My wife is an emotional nutjob. She just is. But I fell in love with her because of her crazy personality. It's funny---before we got married, I hung out with a lot of people--both male(friends from childhood) and female(lot of dating)---my wife is the type of person who can't make friends with other women----so we don't get to do the 'couples thing' a lot. But my friends like hanging out with her. Do I miss hanging out with all sorts of people---hell yes. But do I love my wife even more . . . so much so that I would rather spend time with her than with friends---yes. It was obvious from the moment I met her that my social life with others would take a nosedive---and it did. But it was also obvious that she was fiercely loyal to the people she loves---and she is. She's a great mom, and a great wife. And that's all I need.

You should do the same---be yourself. Be HAPPY with who you are---and one day the right guy will come along. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:All kidding aside: an advanced degree. I have a doctorate and would not have considered marrying someone with less than an MA.

Bless your heart.

Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.

And, if this is your goal, OP, to be a SAHM or to be a WAHM or even to be childless by choice, you need to align yourself with like minded men. I'm not saying to state these things up front, on a first date, but you need to know what direction you might head into the future and date accordingly.

I'm wanted to be a SAHM ever since I was a very little girl. I'm 45 and a SAHM of three children. I have a college degree and had a great career that I left after my first child was born. I could not have gotten serious with a man who had disdain for SAHMs or who expected me to be the breadwinner or wouldn't have wanted to have children. All that said, carefully examine what your future goals are keep these in the forefront of your mind when it comes to meeting men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$$$$

Wrong post -- that's husband material.

Anonymous wrote:Curious--how does someone in her mid-twenties, unmarried with no children, making 6 figures find her way to a forum called "DC Urban Moms & Dads" and ask for relationship advice?

troll, obviously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What cynics!

OP, u have it backwards. U need to be the person you want to be. And you need to be with the person who shares the same core beliefs with you.

Yes!! OP, please take this to heart. The right man will love you for who you are - so let's say that you should marry the man who you can be 100% yourself with. I have no idea what a "successful wife" is, get that right out of your head and throw it in the trash. There is no such thing as "wife material".

This. Only this.

Agree

Yup. Wish I had taken this to heart sooner. Had a lot of miserable relationships trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole, trying to be the perfect WASPy woman that the guys in my circle seemed to always marry. After one spectacularly bad relationship I decided to hell with it all. I embraced my non-WASP self and ended up married to my soulmate less than 18 months later. We have a wonderful life filled with a mutual love of books and a loud, demonstrative and deeply loving family. No golf pants to be found. Lots of happiness though. A lot of those guys I dated are on to wife #2 or even #3. Don't wish for it, OP. Be you. You're lovely as you are. Really.

Anonymous wrote:You've had less than five men inside you, right? I wouldn't bother marrying anyone with more than that. Less is better, but meanwhile don't add to that number.

You lost me with this one.

There's no such thing as "wife material". You are who you are. I actually think you sound pretty cool (regardless how many men you've had inside you!). Just be your introverted self and you'll be fine.

Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.

BE YOURSELF! find someone who makes YOU happy!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What cynics!

OP, u have it backwards. U need to be the person you want to be. And you need to be with the person who shares the same core beliefs with you.

Yes!! OP, please take this to heart. The right man will love you for who you are - so let's say that you should marry the man who you can be 100% yourself with. I have no idea what a "successful wife" is, get that right out of your head and throw it in the trash. There is no such thing as "wife material".

This. Only this.

Agree

Guy here: OP, I think you ask a reasonable question. While some of the most important things are out of your control--how you look, your native intelligence, etc.-- and the most important things in finding a mate probably are things like compatible values, etc., attention to packaging will give you more options. Contrary to the idealists upthread, it is a competitive world, and rational to maximize your assets.

So here's the deal. (This is a generalization, of course.). For most men the best things you can do to improve your appeal: be fun-loving, sexually enthusiastic, and non-critical. Negativity is the particular occupational hazard of the lawyer, and one you should be on guard against. Most of the other good qualities, including those you mention and others, are positives, but are on the nice-to-have not the must-have list.

how open is the op into dating someone who makes a lot less than her?

she'll be narrowing her dating pool immensely by only considering peers who make more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What cynics!

OP, u have it backwards. U need to be the person you want to be. And you need to be with the person who shares the same core beliefs with you.

Yes!! OP, please take this to heart. The right man will love you for who you are - so let's say that you should marry the man who you can be 100% yourself with. I have no idea what a "successful wife" is, get that right out of your head and throw it in the trash. There is no such thing as "wife material".

This. Only this.

Curious--how does someone in her mid-twenties, unmarried with no children, making 6 figures find her way to a forum called "DC Urban Moms & Dads" and ask for relationship advice?

Anonymous wrote:What cynics!

OP, u have it backwards. U need to be the person you want to be. And you need to be with the person who shares the same core beliefs with you.

Yes!! OP, please take this to heart. The right man will love you for who you are - so let's say that you should marry the man who you can be 100% yourself with. I have no idea what a "successful wife" is, get that right out of your head and throw it in the trash. There is no such thing as "wife material".