Interesting. I am on my way to being an executive myself and my partner has thought about staying home. Glad to know I won't have to commit to doing much .

Anonymous wrote:My husband helps out a lot around the house and with the kids. He has a very stressful job and earns 6X more than I do. I own my own my own business and have much more flexibility in my work schedule. We have a weekly house cleaner which helps a lot.
He is usually home by 6-6:30. He puts us 1st. That said, he is often back on his computer after the kids go to bed returning dozens of emails he didn't get to during the day.

This is awesome. You have a good man! He is finding the right balance.

My husband helps out a lot around the house and with the kids. He has a very stressful job and earns 6X more than I do. I own my own my own business and have much more flexibility in my work schedule. We have a weekly house cleaner which helps a lot.
He is usually home by 6-6:30. He puts us 1st. That said, he is often back on his computer after the kids go to bed returning dozens of emails he didn't get to during the day.

My DH works really long hours, getting home after our baby (10 months) is in bed and he usually works for several more hours at night. I try to let him sleep in in the mornings because he goes to bed so late, so he doesn't help with the morning routine either. He tries to keep working to after bedtime hours on the weekends, but it doesn't always happen. He really doesn't do much around the house except I ask him to move heavy stuff or do discrete tasks on the weekend. He also takes the baby for a walk for an hour or so each day of the weekend to give me a break. Truthfully, it is pretty relentless at home, although less so as we get out of the tiny baby phase, but his job is also pretty relentless and I feel like we are each trying hard at life in our own way. He makes a lot more money than either of us ever thought we would have and, right now, we feel like it is worth it. We are building up a big cushion so that we will be able to make more interesting and creative lifestyle choices in the future. There is no way that I would have signed on to him working so much if the money wasn't so good. OP, if you are not getting the long term security, the job might not be worth it. We do have a weekly cleaner and hire the occasional date night babysitter. If/when we have more kids, we will definitely hire more childcare help. We also hire someone to take care of our yard (a rowhouse so not much of a cost) and we have a designer who manages the work when we do big projects around the house. I don't resent the situation because it is something that we both agreed to and we both see the benefits that will come in time by working hard now. Before we had the baby, I had a regular 40/week job so I have always handled everything on the home front. It works for us.

My husband helps a ton. We have a 6 month old and DH is very active and involved. He took off a months paternity leave to help out. He will help make baby food, feed ds his night bottle, give him baths, sometimes put him down for bed, etc. He also takes him out to give me some alone time and they have " guy time".

Back when we were dating, we realized housework we like/don't like and have kept that momentum. DH does the dishes, takes out the trash, takes care of handyman jobs and yard work. I do the laundry, sweeping, mopping, etc. We trade off on cooking. We have a bi-weekly housekeeper for the deep cleaning.

Dh is an attorney who works 50-70 hour weeks. Sometimes up to 80. I work FT, 40 hours as a pharmacist. I feel blessed I have a very involved man that is a wonderful husband and father.

i'm SAHM right now, with a DH that is out of town and long hours also. i don't get all the 'resentment' etc stuff.

i worked long hours in a demanding career for 22 years before SAHM (i'm an old first time mom, and stopped when the first was in school and the second was a toddler). being a SAHM is not as hard as that was. period. it is not as easy "as it looks", definitely. but is it not as hard as what i did for 22 years. nor as hard as what DH is continuing to do while i stay at home. i consider all the stuff to be 'my job', since i'm in fact not away all day. no "job" is always fun, so i certainly don't resent DH about it.

being a SAHM is not perfect for me personally, but it's the easiest for my family, at least during these grade school years.

I'm a SAHM and my DH does a lot of housework but he was always a clean freak. It's just his personality. I'm at home to care for the kids, not be his maid.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with 13:41 that this isn't about what chores he does--it's about the fact that he's not connected to his family. If he's so exhausted that he can't even stand to hear about his family's day when he gets home, something has to change.

+1

Have you ruled out depression or anxiety?

Anonymous wrote:My husband works late, six to seven days. Travels. He is too tired for anything, does well but not enough to hire a 4 day plus regular sitter or weekly cleaner. We have three kids, yes, I am a stay at home mom but it is still overwhelming. I take care of the home dynamics and all planning. Love him dearly, don't try to trouble him with things but he is too tired to even hear about our day. Just venting here and wondering if there are any tips for Executive husbands to stay in touch with the family and ease my mind because I still aggravated that he can't help more often. Not mad, not understanding but aggravated none the less. Sad for the kiddos too.

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Weekly cleaners are not expensive.
Don't know what a "four day plus regular sitter" is.
How can he be too tired to hear about your day?
It's just sad.

Drastic but if you downsize in house size, it frees up time to clean and money to outsource. I live in a 1100 sq ft place and mortgage, pty txes, cleaning fee, mow the lawn fee, townhouse repair fees, everything costs less.

Anonymous wrote:My executive husband could afford the cleaner, and babysitters. Later, when he made more money, he could afford to treat his "girlfriends" to new cars. Recently he was able to afford a divorce. Not sure that he can afford much now as he has pissed most of it all away.

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.

NP in a similar boat. And pretty happy, too. Main thing only he takes care of is me!

I'm just chiming in, DH is not high level or a high earner but he travels a lot and generally is out of the house 12 hours a day when he is here. I have also had to shift my thinking - I don't get a "weekend," I find other times (during naps, etc.) for me. Since I am SAH right now, I don't expect DH to do any actual housework, and don't need to involve him in every decision or every little thing that is going on with the kids, etc.

It helps that we live in a small apartment and it makes managing the home much easier, but I had a full-on house to take care of as well as the yard and everything that comes with ownership of such, and more money, you can bet I'd hire help.

I do the childcare stuff. however, DH does have the ability to work from home one day per week now and it is such a blessing to have a second pair of hands. Mon-Thursday he doesn't get home until 8pm.

He is very active with them on weekends and coaches their sports' teams, etc. Making Herculean effort to be able to get out one afternoon early during sports season to coach practice.

I WAH. I see us as a team and that way there isn't resentment. He makes 3 times my salary so he's providing in so many ways. Since I have flexibility I do bulk of shopping, feeding, etc. If I had the earning potential he does--he would gladly swap places with me. I don't think I'd want to though!

I agree with 13:41 that this isn't about what chores he does--it's about the fact that he's not connected to his family. If he's so exhausted that he can't even stand to hear about his family's day when he gets home, something has to change.