Okay, wait. I was under the impression that SIL's kids came over frequently. If this is only the second time in 5 years that they have asked you to babysit then that may be different. Do they need to do something important? Are you overreacting? Do you often overreact and husband is embarrassed about your behavior towards his family?

This is why I happily live hundreds of miles away from my and DH's family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you husband know that you had arranged to have your sister come? He was in on that plan?

How often do your sister's kids come over compared to your SILs kids?

Yes, he knew about my sister watching DC. He's the one who suggested it.

My sisters kids have come over 2 times in the past 6 years and stayed over without their parents. His brothers kids have come over once in the past 5 years and stayed without their parents.

This is just beyond strange, then. He initiated the plan, and then goes behind your back and sends that bizarre email to his sister undermining the plan?

I think people tend to recommend drastic responses too often to marital problem emails, but this? - this calls for something more than a simple "honey, we need to talk" response.

(OP here) so when I brought up that we had plans, H said but they weren't finalized. I said well I talked to my sister as we had discussed and he said that those plans were up in the air. He also said since he is the only one who has made any effort to do date night (also not true) that if he wanted to table it for this time because his brother and SIL need us then he will do it. Then he made it all about me being a bad person because I didn't want to watch his brothers kids and if it were my sisters kids, it wouldn't be a discussion etc etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you husband know that you had arranged to have your sister come? He was in on that plan?

How often do your sister's kids come over compared to your SILs kids?

Yes, he knew about my sister watching DC. He's the one who suggested it.

My sisters kids have come over 2 times in the past 6 years and stayed over without their parents. His brothers kids have come over once in the past 5 years and stayed without their parents.

This is just beyond strange, then. He initiated the plan, and then goes behind your back and sends that bizarre email to his sister undermining the plan?

I think people tend to recommend drastic responses too often to marital problem emails, but this? - this calls for something more than a simple "honey, we need to talk" response.

Anonymous wrote:Did you husband know that you had arranged to have your sister come? He was in on that plan?

How often do your sister's kids come over compared to your SILs kids?

Yes, he knew about my sister watching DC. He's the one who suggested it.

My sisters kids have come over 2 times in the past 6 years and stayed over without their parents. His brothers kids have come over once in the past 5 years and stayed without their parents.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I would be pissed. Of course your husband should not be accepting babysitting duties without talking to you first. And his email to his sister-in-law, wow. Way to undermine you.

I say you go on a date night by yourself or with your friends. Tell him you have been looking forward to going out, and you are not babysitting instead. Tell him he can either back out babysitting and join you, or stay home with all the kids by himself.

This.

Did you husband know that you had arranged to have your sister come? He was in on that plan?

How often do your sister's kids come over compared to your SILs kids?

Wow, OP. You need to give your husband some perspective here. Please show him this thread. You need counseling to re-set the relationship, priorities, etc.
If you are reading this, OP's DH: you are waaay out of line here. If you want a divorce, keep it up.

You have a husband problem, not a SIL problem. your SIL is bypassing you bc that is what your husband told her to do. Your husband basically told her to contact him because you don't really know whats going on and have no say in your family. Do not tell him you have the email but please send these emails to yourself (then delete it from his sent mail). This way you have them if you need them.

You need to let your husband know that it is unacceptable. If he feels like he has been the one planning dates for the past 5 years then why did he casually disregard the date that you planned? I would also begin taking advantage of using SIL as a babysitter. You should start to plan more things and ask her to babysit.

I was going to suggest taking your kids to your sisters anyway saying she already had plans for them, and then going out by yourself. But now I think leaving him with all the kids and going out with your sister (you know, since she rearranged her plans to be home for you) would be even more fun! Tell him you have already purchased tickets or something and it would seem a waste to lose them.

Step 1. Go do something fun with your sister on Saturday night. Your husband can watch the children.

Step 2. Get into marriage counseling.

OP, you owe no deference to anyone. We don't live in that kind of world. You are an adult.

Your main problem is your husband. And you really need to drop the passive stuff. Be direct but calm. Tell him you are angry he changed your plans without consulting you, that that is not how partners do things. I would definitely say you are not watching the children. Period. It doesn't matter if you don't go out. No favors for SIL.

You also need to ask your husband directly if he says negative things about you to SIL. If he says no, then show him the email. At that point, personally, I'd take the risk of him changing his password, as you already know what you need to know.

You need to make it clear that it is unacceptable. At this point, your SIL doesn't respect you anyway, so don't worry about being seen as evil. You'll never win that game with her, so give up trying. At this point, focus on your relationship with your husband.

but before you bring these things up, you need to decide how far you are willing to take it. Personally, if my husband said those things about me to anyone, I'd be bringing up the "d" word, because it would be pretty clear to me that he has no respect for me.

OP, this is outrageous. You and DC should stay with your sister for the night and let your H babysit overnight by himself, since he seems to enjoy it so much.

How about SIL hires a babysitter? Why do you and your family members only rely on each other for babysitting?

Anyway, I would be livid if I were you. Your husband should have discussed babysitting his sister's kids with you before accepting.

I would fix husband's disrespect. I'd make sure to have plans to be out while this babysitting was going on. Nip that shit.