Anonymous
03/07/2014 17:06
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
I would find the living doll remark supremely annoying. I think you should pack what you want.
My MIL drove me nuts when my first child was born but now I am very grateful for what a good grandma she is. Hopefully, someday you'll get to that point too. No real words of advice but hang in there!
My MIL drove me nuts when my first child was born but now I am very grateful for what a good grandma she is. Hopefully, someday you'll get to that point too. No real words of advice but hang in there!
Anonymous
03/07/2014 17:01
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Anonymous wrote:MIL has a good heart and only good intentions, but she does not think before she speaks and often says/emails/texts things that drive me crazy. Next weekend she and FIL are babysitting our toddler DD while DH and I attend a wedding. Today she sent me a packing "Wish List" outlining all the things I need to pack for DD (no joke it was at least 25 items long and included things like pajamas and socks - obviously I will pack those!) she also referred to DD as her "living baby doll" and demanded I pack at least two pretty dresses and dress shoes (wrote "very important" next to them with about five exclamation points following).
I was going to pack dresses for DD anyway bc MIL buys her so many of them and I always try to make sure she's wearing them around MIL bc I know she gets a kick out of seeing DD dressed up. So I guess what really rubbed me the wrong way is 1) I resent being given a packing list, as if I couldn't pack for DD myself and 2) my daughter being referred to as a living doll.
I don't want to start a fight with my MIL but these types of emails are typical of what she sends to me on an almost daily basis. DH's strategy is to ignore her and call her once or twice a week to address all her emails at once. But I have found that if I ignore her, she will either flood my inbox orcall DH to complain that I didn't respond. I got 14 text messages from her in two hours the other day.
As I typed this I realized I really have two issues: whether or not to let her know how I feel about this particular email, and how to handle communications with her going forward. I think she means well but she's completely overbearing and driving me crazy.
Your husband's strategy is likely part of the problem, and I say that from a place of personal knowledge. MIL knows he'll ignore her, so you end up being her conduit for everything she needs to unload on your family unit. Maybe if he dealt with her more directly, you wouldn't get so much contact from her.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 09:22
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Your big problem is the multiple emails/messages. It is SO rude, especially if she knows you work instead of staying home, and even more so if she knows you can't answer during the day.
Your husband should tell her to back off on the rabid communication to both of you. If he does not, just ignore every message religiously, answer only when strictly necessary, maybe once a week, and if she complains, tell her you are too busy.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 08:59
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Free child care = putting up with Grandma's crap.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 08:48
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Wow. I suppose I'm the only one who agrees with OP. Good intentions or not, that list of what to bring seems wrong and controlling. I could understand saying " could you bring a dress because we are planning to go to a wedding or a bathing suit for the pool" but a list of everything seems a bit much. I agree it's not worth an argument but it begs the question of whether or not the mil is a bit of a control freak and that this issue will only become bigger. Probably best to address the emails by saying you are overwhelmed as a pp suggested. The living doll thing is weird but she's just being a proud grandmother. Good luck OP!
Anonymous
03/07/2014 08:21
Subject: Re:Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
My MIL was terrible when I was pregnant with my first DC. She was sure that I would not be able to handle a baby and freaked out several times (example: when I refused to give a pacifier to my NB). But my life got much better when my SIL finally had a baby.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 08:14
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Anonymous wrote:This sort of reminds me of the first time I babysat for my brand new nephew (first kid, first grandchild) and received 8 pages of instructions on the basics of how to care for him, because he's so special. I decided I would save the instructions because everyone would get a kick out of them when he was older.
And they do. You should save the email because your daughter will enjoy it when she's grown up, and grandma probably will too.
That's funny. I liked her idea...
Anonymous
03/07/2014 08:12
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This sort of reminds me of the first time I babysat for my brand new nephew (first kid, first grandchild) and received 8 pages of instructions on the basics of how to care for him, because he's so special. I decided I would save the instructions because everyone would get a kick out of them when he was older.
And they do. You should save the email because your daughter will enjoy it when she's grown up, and grandma probably will too.
No, it's not the same. Reflecting back on overly protective parents and their long note for a babysitter is cute. Sending 14 texts in a row and endless emails to the mother are not.
Totally depends on your POV.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 08:07
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This sort of reminds me of the first time I babysat for my brand new nephew (first kid, first grandchild) and received 8 pages of instructions on the basics of how to care for him, because he's so special. I decided I would save the instructions because everyone would get a kick out of them when he was older.
And they do. You should save the email because your daughter will enjoy it when she's grown up, and grandma probably will too.
No, it's not the same. Reflecting back on overly protective parents and their long note for a babysitter is cute. Sending 14 texts in a row and endless emails to the mother are not.
At the time I was pretty pissed off, PP.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 07:57
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Respond to everything with- Let me ask DH or It's up to DH. I'm sure my MIL thinks I'm an idiot and can't do anything without DH but it's really cut down on her asking or telling me to do things. It's is my DH's job to deal with her. My mom is not calling or emailing my DH.
I would stop responding to everything. Let her call your husband. Or respond with something short and sweet- thanks for letting me know, I'll forwards his to DH, etc.
I would stop responding to everything. Let her call your husband. Or respond with something short and sweet- thanks for letting me know, I'll forwards his to DH, etc.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 07:32
Subject: Re:Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
This thread makes me so thankful that my MIL does not email or text.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 06:21
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
Anonymous wrote:This sort of reminds me of the first time I babysat for my brand new nephew (first kid, first grandchild) and received 8 pages of instructions on the basics of how to care for him, because he's so special. I decided I would save the instructions because everyone would get a kick out of them when he was older.
And they do. You should save the email because your daughter will enjoy it when she's grown up, and grandma probably will too.
No, it's not the same. Reflecting back on overly protective parents and their long note for a babysitter is cute. Sending 14 texts in a row and endless emails to the mother are not.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 06:08
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
This sort of reminds me of the first time I babysat for my brand new nephew (first kid, first grandchild) and received 8 pages of instructions on the basics of how to care for him, because he's so special. I decided I would save the instructions because everyone would get a kick out of them when he was older.
And they do. You should save the email because your daughter will enjoy it when she's grown up, and grandma probably will too.
And they do. You should save the email because your daughter will enjoy it when she's grown up, and grandma probably will too.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 01:40
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
It is likely just that she is excited about your DD coming and is spending time thinking about it and planning it. She probably thought a list was helpful given what her plans are - rather than insinuating you don't know what to pack. More of an "I'll save her time and tell her what we will need."
If you decide you are always going to assume she has bad intentions in everything she does, you are going to set yourself up for conflict over and over. I've never really understood that approach anyways - is that how you want others to view you, always assuming you meant something critical or negative or with poor intentions? Very few people actually set out to make other people's lives miserable. Usually they are just off target in knowing or understanding your perspective.
If you decide you are always going to assume she has bad intentions in everything she does, you are going to set yourself up for conflict over and over. I've never really understood that approach anyways - is that how you want others to view you, always assuming you meant something critical or negative or with poor intentions? Very few people actually set out to make other people's lives miserable. Usually they are just off target in knowing or understanding your perspective.
Anonymous
03/07/2014 00:32
Subject: Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
I think you could suggest to her that she's stressing you out with so many communications in such a short time, and ask her to cut back.