Anonymous wrote:My mom and DH's parents both live near NYC. My mom comes up every months and we go to see her in the summer, but I am an only child and our kids are her only grandchildren. DH's parents see our kids 2-3 times a year, usually at family gatherings like Christmas. They are just not very interested and, frankly, I prefer it that way.

I envy you. We see my NY-based parents every 4-6 weeks, but ILs every week and it drives me nuts.

DH's family is 1-2 hours away. We see each other at least once a month. It's a large family, and it's always someone's birthday.

I used to be a 7-8 hour drive from extended family. Now I'm across country.

I used to go to them twice a year and my parents would come to me once a year. Hoping we can still keep that up even though I am even further away.

My brother and family live maybe five minutes away and we see them infrequently on major holidays and special occasions.

My in laws are an 8-9 hour drive away & I resent using most of my limited vacation time & $ to see them. Just being truthful...

My parents are 45 minutes away, and we see them 1-2xs month. They often babysit the kids for us, maybe 2-3xs a month as well.

My inlaws are in NC, a 7 hour drive. They visit us every 2 months or so, we visit them twice a year.

We are a LOT like you, OP--about a 4 hour car trip from both my ILs and my parents, and kids are about the same ages as yours. Complicating matters is the fact that my parents are divorced, so while we can see both of them on one visit to my hometown (where they both still live), we can't host them here at the same time.

Honestly, it depends. Some years we seem to see everyone about every 4-6 weeks (with it mostly consisting of them coming here). Some years we have gone longer stretches in between visits with at least one of the parents.

I don't feel bad, honestly. My kids LOVE their grandparents, are thrilled to see them whenever they do, and have lots of contact by phone and mail between visits. We have had to set some boundaries in the past with my FIL (prior to having kids) and I don't want to go back to the days when he would randomly announce that he'd be here in a few days to sleep on our couch.

My difficult sister and her two wonderful boys are in New York. If it were pleasant to visit, I'd go up often. But it's not. But I want my child to get to know her cousins. Also, it's expensive to go up to NYC unless we stay with them, which is double the unpleasantness. I struggle with this issue, but will wait until the boys are older and can visit us here in DC without their mother. Currently we see the WHOLE FAMILY three times a year--Winter break, Spring Break, and over the summer. Takes the rest of the year to recover.
Whatever works for you is the "right amount," knowing that people can change.
When the kids are tiny, the visits are more frequent.
Good luck, OP.

IL's live 3 hours away and are craycray. Before the baby we saw them 3x a year at most. Since baby was born MIL has visited every 2 months or so. Lucky me.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, my FIL announced last weekend (their third trip in 6 weeks) that they "need" to see the baby "at least once a month" and they live four hours away, so that means I'll either have house guests at least once a month or have to pack up all the baby's stuff once a month. Yippee. My parents live a 2 hour flight away, we try to see them every 4-5 months, unfortunately.

Or, you know, say no. Diplomatically schedule visits further apart. You can do that!

My dad and a few sisters live a long car ride away - 12 hours straight through or 16 hours with two little kids and lots of stops. We do the trip in 2 days, and we go about every other year right now. My family never comes to see us.

My dh's mom lives near LA, and we just can't afford 4 plane tickets. Dh goes by himself about every other year. Dh also has a sister and brother near my family, so we see them too when we are down there. His sister has come to see us twice. It would be nice to be closer to family (I think), but there are no jobs for me where they live. It is pretty important to have a source of income, so we do our best to have as fun and social a time as we can here in the DC area.

Ugh, my FIL announced last weekend (their third trip in 6 weeks) that they "need" to see the baby "at least once a month" and they live four hours away, so that means I'll either have house guests at least once a month or have to pack up all the baby's stuff once a month. Yippee. My parents live a 2 hour flight away, we try to see them every 4-5 months, unfortunately.

My parents live on the West Coast and we see them once a year. My in-laws live in Maine and we see them once a year. I feel sad for our son to not be able to see family more often. We don't have any family in the area.

My mom and DH's parents both live near NYC. My mom comes up every months and we go to see her in the summer, but I am an only child and our kids are her only grandchildren. DH's parents see our kids 2-3 times a year, usually at family gatherings like Christmas. They are just not very interested and, frankly, I prefer it that way.

I think that's a lot OP and I wouldn't practically be able to do more. If the grandparents wanted to come to us more often, then sure, but for us to travel 3-4 hrs to them more than one weekend a month would just make life a lot more stressful. We do summer 3 day weekend trips like that it's exhausting, for everyone.

My parent live on the other side of the country, so a 5 hour flight away. We go to them for Christmas + maybe one other family function per year. They come to see us at least twice a year, so once a quarter, approximately. My ILs live on the other side of the world and so far, we've seen them once a year. Those are more extended stays so less frequent, but for longer periods of time.