Anonymous wrote:My DH is about as involved as they come, but he abdicated the lottery to me almost entirely.

Even though we both work full-time, my job is more flexible and I am much, much more tapped into the (for lack of a better phrase) mom scene in our neighborhood. I had two maternity leaves, many Fridays at the park, and 3 years of reading our local list-serv under my belt by the time we did the lottery for our first kid. So I did feel better prepared to make the choices. DH knew which schools we listed, but he didn't weigh in on how to order them or even which to leave off altogether.

It worked out.

No kids yet, but this is how most decision making goes most often in our marriage. I am the one who does the majority of the information gathering, including the electronic research, talking to other people and hitting the pavement. He tends to defer to me because I usually come up with the best solution for us. I tend to bring him the top choices, armed with my research and have him help me sift through my findings with a fresh set of eyes. Then we make a choice. There so some financial things he takes the lead on because it is a research area of interest for him and he is savvier than I in that department. It works for us. We hope we can continue working well together when we have children.

My DH is about as involved as they come, but he abdicated the lottery to me almost entirely.

Even though we both work full-time, my job is more flexible and I am much, much more tapped into the (for lack of a better phrase) mom scene in our neighborhood. I had two maternity leaves, many Fridays at the park, and 3 years of reading our local list-serv under my belt by the time we did the lottery for our first kid. So I did feel better prepared to make the choices. DH knew which schools we listed, but he didn't weigh in on how to order them or even which to leave off altogether.

It worked out.

Anonymous wrote:
You guys need new husbands. Do they make you do all the housework too?

As one of the husbands who follows DCUM, I'm pretty disgusted by the apparent detachment of some of the other fathers as reported in this thread. I really hope it's a miscommunication problem between spouses and not reality. Otherwise, the above is absolutely true, for the sake of your children. Sure he may be making tons of money to pay for your nice luxury car to tote the kids around in, but if he doesn't give a damn about your kid's school, he probably doesn't give a damn about a lot of other important things about your family.

everyone can discuss more tomorrow with the spouse when snowed in!

We got a babysitter and did some test commutes together. Really helped us jointly agree on rankings.

Dh was adamant about the names of our kids--huge disagreements there. Today he asks whether we are applying for next year. Even though I've brought this up about 10 times, gone to open houses, gone back and forth over our current school, etc. Its not that he doesn't care, its that he's abdicated all responsibility to me because he knows I'll sacrifice my time and energy on this, so he doesn't have to, and that I'll likely do a much better, more thorough job. And its true--I won't let my kid suffer due to his negligence. But I'm tired of carrying the weight of all our decisions: academic, financial (i do all bills, long range planning, etc), social, recreational (trips, classes, etc) and much of the house work. It would be okay if I worked part time or something, but I work more hours than he does!

Anonymous wrote:Op again. We're splitting up drop off and pick up (at least in theory) so we're very much both involved for selfish reasons as well as family well being reasons.

No wonder

Op again. We're splitting up drop off and pick up (at least in theory) so we're very much both involved for selfish reasons as well as family well being reasons.

I can totally see why these discussions are tricky, but you just make the best decisions you can and let the lottery run!

DH did the lottery at our house. Minimal input from me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, there are DHs out there who actually look at the available options and participate in the decision?

this

+1

You guys need new husbands. Do they make you do all the housework too?

^^my own DH, that is

Really? I'm surprised to learn of so much apathy from husbands. My own and very other dad I know is fully engaged. I'm having a hard time imagining why one wouldn't care.