Anonymous wrote:Ummm, why did *you* not go to your mother's funeral, OP? Surely she is your mother, correct? Blaming the brothers is seriously "burying the lede" to me.

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit.

You know exactly why they didn't take care of her funeral arrangements and why they don't want to talk to you.

You're sort of manipulative and dishonest, aren't you? No wonder they don't want to deal with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here: I have to guess about their reasons. I could speculate -- my guess -- greed and guilt play a role. I still cannot believe that they would just leave her body in the morgue. So sad. Then refusing her a burial by refusing to sign paperwork. Who knew it would be the state who helped? What did they think they were going to prove? They are not poor, or drug addicts who cannot act responsibly.

Why guess? Why not ask them? They could be assholes but, perhaps, they have legitimate grievances against your mother. My dad was horrific and there's no way in hell I would have claimed his body or pay for his funeral. I only attended the funeral because of my mother. Two of my brothers refused to go. I may have been a product of his biological act but that doesn't mean I owe him anything.

Not answering their phones, emails. As I said, I could guess, but have not had a face to face talk with any of them. I am far out of town and flew in for the funeral.

Not to be critical OP, but obviously there is dischord in your family. Even for busy adult siblings with their own kids, siblings are not usually so disconnected and out of contact. Whatever happened in your family, maybe the same reason you have no idea what's going on with your brothers, your brothers didn't want to have anythign to do with your mom. I'm the PP who said that in all my years of working with families, I've never met the family who did not speak to each other at all and didn things like not visit their parents ever in old age homes or skip the funeral without there being a TON of real drama, pain and crap.

I do not ask this to be critical, I ask this because since you raised it on a public message board, it would help paint the picture clearer: why are you so out of touch with your brothers? Why don't you speak to them regularly, or why don't they speak to you? And were you in regular touch with your mom before she died? What did she say about her relationship with your brothers?

Either you are totally disconnected from your family (which is interesting in itself), OR there is disconnect with your brothers. All of that makes your original question one that, the fact that you even have to ponder it here instead of being able to just ask them... dischord. Big dischord if they skipped your mom's wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here: I have to guess about their reasons. I could speculate -- my guess -- greed and guilt play a role. I still cannot believe that they would just leave her body in the morgue. So sad. Then refusing her a burial by refusing to sign paperwork. Who knew it would be the state who helped? What did they think they were going to prove? They are not poor, or drug addicts who cannot act responsibly.

Why guess? Why not ask them? They could be assholes but, perhaps, they have legitimate grievances against your mother. My dad was horrific and there's no way in hell I would have claimed his body or pay for his funeral. I only attended the funeral because of my mother. Two of my brothers refused to go. I may have been a product of his biological act but that doesn't mean I owe him anything.

Not answering their phones, emails. As I said, I could guess, but have not had a face to face talk with any of them. I am far out of town and flew in for the funeral.

Anonymous wrote:

OP here: I have to guess about their reasons. I could speculate -- my guess -- greed and guilt play a role. I still cannot believe that they would just leave her body in the morgue. So sad. Then refusing her a burial by refusing to sign paperwork. Who knew it would be the state who helped? What did they think they were going to prove? They are not poor, or drug addicts who cannot act responsibly.

Why guess? Why not ask them? They could be assholes but, perhaps, they have legitimate grievances against your mother. My dad was horrific and there's no way in hell I would have claimed his body or pay for his funeral. I only attended the funeral because of my mother. Two of my brothers refused to go. I may have been a product of his biological act but that doesn't mean I owe him anything.

OP here: I have to guess about their reasons. I could speculate -- my guess -- greed and guilt play a role. I still cannot believe that they would just leave her body in the morgue. So sad. Then refusing her a burial by refusing to sign paperwork. Who knew it would be the state who helped? What did they think they were going to prove? They are not poor, or drug addicts who cannot act responsibly.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they were afraid to get stuck with the bill? Crass, but it happens.

I know friends who have rifts in their families, because their families see them as bankroll for major expenses, that's it. Of course, this is after their siblings blow through any money the parents had - so OF COURSE there is a rift.

My friends have paid for funerals (for example) in the past, but I would imagine not for long. The siblings can use the money they stole from the parents, as far as my friends are concerned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother died recently. Brothers refused to claim her body from the hospital. Refused to sign the paperwork for the release. Did not show up for the funeral. So sad.

Actually, I'm pretty sure OP knows why. She doesn't say here that she doesn't know why, she just gives the most basic outline of a few facts and says how sad she is. But I'm pretty sure she knows the context, she's just choosing not to tell any of it.

I'm almost 50, and never ever ever in my life (and I work with families for a living as well as just having my own family and friends), never have I heard of anything like this where there is no reason. Kids are not wired to reject their parents, unless there have been a LOT of experiential negative situations in that history. Not saying it's the mom's fault, obviously we know nothing about the situation. Just saying 100% of the time that I've heard of this scenario (and I've heard it a lot in some form), when you unpack hte family history, there are very very clear reasons for it. And a lot of pain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother died recently. Brothers refused to claim her body from the hospital. Refused to sign the paperwork for the release. Did not show up for the funeral. So sad.

Actually, I'm pretty sure OP knows why. She doesn't say here that she doesn't know why, she just gives the most basic outline of a few facts and says how sad she is. But I'm pretty sure she knows the context, she's just choosing not to tell any of it.

I'm almost 50, and never ever ever in my life (and I work with families for a living as well as just having my own family and friends), never have I heard of anything like this where there is no reason. Kids are not wired to reject their parents, unless there have been a LOT of experiential negative situations in that history. Not saying it's the mom's fault, obviously we know nothing about the situation. Just saying 100% of the time that I've heard of this scenario (and I've heard it a lot in some form), when you unpack hte family history, there are very very clear reasons for it. And a lot of pain.

OP here: I have to guess about their reasons. I could speculate -- my guess -- greed and guilt play a role. I still cannot believe that they would just leave her body in the morgue. So sad. Then refusing her a burial by refusing to sign paperwork. Who knew it would be the state who helped? What did they think they were going to prove? They are not poor, or drug addicts who cannot act responsibly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother died recently. Brothers refused to claim her body from the hospital. Refused to sign the paperwork for the release. Did not show up for the funeral. So sad.

Actually, I'm pretty sure OP knows why. She doesn't say here that she doesn't know why, she just gives the most basic outline of a few facts and says how sad she is. But I'm pretty sure she knows the context, she's just choosing not to tell any of it.

I'm almost 50, and never ever ever in my life (and I work with families for a living as well as just having my own family and friends), never have I heard of anything like this where there is no reason. Kids are not wired to reject their parents, unless there have been a LOT of experiential negative situations in that history. Not saying it's the mom's fault, obviously we know nothing about the situation. Just saying 100% of the time that I've heard of this scenario (and I've heard it a lot in some form), when you unpack hte family history, there are very very clear reasons for it. And a lot of pain.