Anonymous
02/19/2014 10:27
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:I feel like if he is going to have it on him all day anyway, there is no reason he can't send me a quick text saying he can't talk or call me back within a reasonable amount of time. Luckily we have both never had an issue with not answering the phone if it's the other. I guess we like to talk to each other. If there was an extended amount of time where I couldn't get a hold of him I would be worried.
what does this mean?
Anonymous
02/19/2014 10:25
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
I feel like if he is going to have it on him all day anyway, there is no reason he can't send me a quick text saying he can't talk or call me back within a reasonable amount of time. Luckily we have both never had an issue with not answering the phone if it's the other. I guess we like to talk to each other. If there was an extended amount of time where I couldn't get a hold of him I would be worried.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 09:49
Subject: Re:How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have access to DH's google calendar (he gave it to me because the only way he remembers to do things is if it is in his calendar) so I know when he's in a meeting. If I call him during a meeting, it is only for an emergency and he knows this and will call back within 10-15 min. Otherwise during the work day, if I need to get a hold of him I wait until he's green on google chat because then I know he's at his desk and available.
When DH is out doing other things, I generally don't text him something that needs a response right away but he's pretty good about checking his phone every 30 min. He's one of those people who thinks it is rude to have your phone out when you're with other people, so I expect that its on vibrate in his pocket and he's not going to look at it right away.
That said, I have a tougher time when he's on business in another country. Just more paranoid I suppose since if something happened to him, I'd have to jump through a lot of hoops to find out/be able to get a hold of him (he travels alone).
DH often travels overseas and is unreachable for days/weeks at a time (not military but in the government). I totally freak out then and imagine the worst. It drives me absolutely insane that his work doesn't provide him with a cell phone or pay for calls home. Once we went 3 weeks without a phone call although I did get a few emails. He rarely has internet. He made a 90 second phone call to me that cost $120 so we don't do that anymore.
PP here. Oh man I could not handle that. DH uses his own cell phone and jail breaks it and buys a SIM card, so it isn't always reliable.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 09:43
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
OP here. Sounds like there's no standard (not that I was expecting one but it's more all over the place than I'd expected). Find My Friends is an idea but we are mixed-platform and it looks like iOS only. Also it's creepy.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 09:35
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
We communicate various ways - by text or email mostly and by phone if there is an emergency. The understanding is that the response may not be immediate - we both work and lead active lives otherwise- but the person will respond as soon as they can.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 09:13
Subject: Re:How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:I have access to DH's google calendar (he gave it to me because the only way he remembers to do things is if it is in his calendar) so I know when he's in a meeting. If I call him during a meeting, it is only for an emergency and he knows this and will call back within 10-15 min. Otherwise during the work day, if I need to get a hold of him I wait until he's green on google chat because then I know he's at his desk and available.
When DH is out doing other things, I generally don't text him something that needs a response right away but he's pretty good about checking his phone every 30 min. He's one of those people who thinks it is rude to have your phone out when you're with other people, so I expect that its on vibrate in his pocket and he's not going to look at it right away.
That said, I have a tougher time when he's on business in another country. Just more paranoid I suppose since if something happened to him, I'd have to jump through a lot of hoops to find out/be able to get a hold of him (he travels alone).
DH often travels overseas and is unreachable for days/weeks at a time (not military but in the government). I totally freak out then and imagine the worst. It drives me absolutely insane that his work doesn't provide him with a cell phone or pay for calls home. Once we went 3 weeks without a phone call although I did get a few emails. He rarely has internet. He made a 90 second phone call to me that cost $120 so we don't do that anymore.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 09:09
Subject: Re:How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
I have access to DH's google calendar (he gave it to me because the only way he remembers to do things is if it is in his calendar) so I know when he's in a meeting. If I call him during a meeting, it is only for an emergency and he knows this and will call back within 10-15 min. Otherwise during the work day, if I need to get a hold of him I wait until he's green on google chat because then I know he's at his desk and available.
When DH is out doing other things, I generally don't text him something that needs a response right away but he's pretty good about checking his phone every 30 min. He's one of those people who thinks it is rude to have your phone out when you're with other people, so I expect that its on vibrate in his pocket and he's not going to look at it right away.
That said, I have a tougher time when he's on business in another country. Just more paranoid I suppose since if something happened to him, I'd have to jump through a lot of hoops to find out/be able to get a hold of him (he travels alone).
When DH is out doing other things, I generally don't text him something that needs a response right away but he's pretty good about checking his phone every 30 min. He's one of those people who thinks it is rude to have your phone out when you're with other people, so I expect that its on vibrate in his pocket and he's not going to look at it right away.
That said, I have a tougher time when he's on business in another country. Just more paranoid I suppose since if something happened to him, I'd have to jump through a lot of hoops to find out/be able to get a hold of him (he travels alone).
Anonymous
02/19/2014 09:07
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
My DH can't have his cell phone at work so most of the time he is unreachable. He also works in a lab away from his desk and rarely answers his desk phone. Last year I was rushed to the ER and it was unbelievable to my parents and family with me that my DH was unreachable the whole day. It is what it is. I guess I'm used to it now and rarely expect an answer.
I recently put the text message read indicator on his phone so I at least know he's read my messages even though he doesn't text back.
I recently put the text message read indicator on his phone so I at least know he's read my messages even though he doesn't text back.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 08:59
Subject: Re:How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Neither DH nor I can have our cell phones in our office buildings since we both work in SCIFs, so we know that there are windows of time when we might not reach each other.
I do worry and hope he'll answer the phone or text if I'm expecting him to be available or home or whatever at a certain time and he hasn't arrived. Like a PP, I too sometimes fear the worst since I know he has a phone and if he's going to be 30 or 45 or 60min late that he has the ability to text or call me.
This is how I was raised even in the pre-cell phone era. If you're going to be late or there might be a reason for someone to worry about you, then call and alert the person who might be worried.
I do worry and hope he'll answer the phone or text if I'm expecting him to be available or home or whatever at a certain time and he hasn't arrived. Like a PP, I too sometimes fear the worst since I know he has a phone and if he's going to be 30 or 45 or 60min late that he has the ability to text or call me.
This is how I was raised even in the pre-cell phone era. If you're going to be late or there might be a reason for someone to worry about you, then call and alert the person who might be worried.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 08:27
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:I have found using the "find my friends" app puts my mind at ease when I wonder when my husband is coming home from work
I would probably walk out on my DH if he tracked me like that. WTF.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 08:22
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:My spouse freaks out when I'm not available by phone. Not in a "you're cheating" way, in a "you don't care about me" way, a "you could be dead and I wouldn't know" way. Which I get, but also drives me crazy because sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Just because I left my phone on mute in my purse by the door while I was in back nursing the baby doesn't mean I don't love you.
how do you handle this in your relationship?
Sensitive subject. If I am going to be unavailable for 2 hours or more at a time, I try hard to let him know in advance so he doesn't wonder or worry.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 08:02
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:I have found using the "find my friends" app puts my mind at ease when I wonder when my husband is coming home from work
People will abuse that app and spy on each other.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 07:45
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be chained to my cell phone. It's for ME. MY use when I need it. It's not so others can reach me whenever THEY want.
I'd be telling your Dh to get over himself. What did people do before the late 90's when they had cell phones? They WAITED.
Such a dumb argument. What did people do before air conditioning? The sweated. What did people do before indoor plumbing? The pooped in a hole. That doesn't mean I want to sit on a piece of wood and sweat while I poop.
I'm not chained to my cell either. But I am, with the very rare exception, available when my DH or my kids call. What if there were a true emergency? Yes, I know...prior to the late 90s, people waiting. That doesn't mean it was a good thing.
Common sense - try it.
Anonymous
02/19/2014 07:32
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be chained to my cell phone. It's for ME. MY use when I need it. It's not so others can reach me whenever THEY want.
I'd be telling your Dh to get over himself. What did people do before the late 90's when they had cell phones? They WAITED.
You sound like a real keeper
It's always all about you isn't it?
Anonymous
02/19/2014 07:21
Subject: How available should a spouse be by cell phone?
Sounds like insecurity and I'd find it a turn off. You should be able to tend to the baby without his whining.