I think some people bring gifts because for them it is rude to not bring a gift. It goes against a cultural or social norm that when you are invited to attend an event that celebrates a person, you bring a gift as way of showing your appreciation for the person. In many, many places it would be very rude to show up empty handed at an event - especially when you are being given something in return (a meal etc).

Also in some places it is the cultural/social norm the host tries to make the guests comfortable so they wouldn't ask people to go against their cultural and social norms. So when someone gets an invitation that says to go against their social norm and to be uncomfortable, it is hard to know if that is really what they mean. In this case by telling guests what to do and how to do it, it is shifting the balance to say you don't care about the guest comfort, that it is the host comfort that matters. Again - many people who host would never be comfortable making their guests uncomfortable in order to make themselves comfortable so that adds to having a hard time not feeling rude.

So likely you will find most people who bring gifts are those who associate gifts with celebrations and who themselves as a host would be considerate of the social norms of their guest.

Anonymous wrote:I've been to a few no gift parties lately, and guests have brought gifts anyway. It made me feel like a total shit for not bringing anything. Just don't mention anything on your invitation. If you don't want to keep the presents, donate them to someone who can use them. No gift parties make me think that the hosts are trying too hard to be low maintenance/not wasteful like the rest of us. It's a great idea in theory, but know that you are creating a really awkward situation for someone who takes you at your word (i.e, Me).

Anyway, it's your child's first birthday. Enjoy it and don't overthink the details! Congratulations!

Why wod you feel awkward because other people did not follow the host's instructions??
OP, it is your event, if you do not want gifts just say so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been to a few no gift parties lately, and guests have brought gifts anyway. It made me feel like a total shit for not bringing anything. Just don't mention anything on your invitation. If you don't want to keep the presents, donate them to someone who can use them. No gift parties make me think that the hosts are trying too hard to be low maintenance/not wasteful like the rest of us. It's a great idea in theory, but know that you are creating a really awkward situation for someone who takes you at your word (i.e, Me).

Anyway, it's your child's first birthday. Enjoy it and don't overthink the details! Congratulations!

+1 I followed the host's request but still felt like shit. I just don't address the issue at all on my invitations.

If you feel awkward for complying with the invitation, that's on you, not the host. Why would you feel insecure about doing what was asked?

If I show up to a no gifts party and I am the only one without a gift, I think, my goodness, I am the most polite person here.

Anonymous wrote:I've been to a few no gift parties lately, and guests have brought gifts anyway. It made me feel like a total shit for not bringing anything. Just don't mention anything on your invitation. If you don't want to keep the presents, donate them to someone who can use them. No gift parties make me think that the hosts are trying too hard to be low maintenance/not wasteful like the rest of us. It's a great idea in theory, but know that you are creating a really awkward situation for someone who takes you at your word (i.e, Me).

Anyway, it's your child's first birthday. Enjoy it and don't overthink the details! Congratulations!

+1 I followed the host's request but still felt like shit. I just don't address the issue at all on my invitations.

we had a no gifts 1st birthday and maybe 1/3 of the guests brought something but mostly very small things (a gap shirt i later saw on clearance, a coloring book etc). several brought cards.

Anonymous wrote:Or be like the Indians, my neighbors, whose weddings, birthday parties I have been to...unabashedly right no gifts and flowers please. Checks and cash are expected.

* write not right, on their invitation cards.

Or be like the Indians, my neighbors, whose weddings, birthday parties I have been to...unabashedly right no gifts and flowers please. Checks and cash are expected.

I've been to a few no gift parties lately, and guests have brought gifts anyway. It made me feel like a total shit for not bringing anything. Just don't mention anything on your invitation. If you don't want to keep the presents, donate them to someone who can use them. No gift parties make me think that the hosts are trying too hard to be low maintenance/not wasteful like the rest of us. It's a great idea in theory, but know that you are creating a really awkward situation for someone who takes you at your word (i.e, Me).

Anyway, it's your child's first birthday. Enjoy it and don't overthink the details! Congratulations!

Anonymous wrote:My nephew had a big first birthday party, and my sister made the invitation sort of like a letter from him describing his first year. At then end she said wrote something like, "And I'm excited to see you so need need to bring me a present (my sister will just take them anyway)." I think several people still brought gifts, though. And yes, you should send thank you cards to people who bring gifts no matter what...sheesh!

Also, if you're planning to acknowledge your kid's birthday at this party in any way (e.g. cake etc), then you should let people know that the purpose of the party is to celebrate the birthday. Otherwise it'll just be weird. People will be confused and may feel bad, like they should have brought a gift.

OP here. Thanks for all of the suggestions! I appreciate them all.
(And just to clarify, I wasn't the one who asked about writing thank you notes to people who still bring gifts. Leave it to DCUM to bring out the crazy snark!)

My nephew had a big first birthday party, and my sister made the invitation sort of like a letter from him describing his first year. At then end she said wrote something like, "And I'm excited to see you so need need to bring me a present (my sister will just take them anyway)." I think several people still brought gifts, though. And yes, you should send thank you cards to people who bring gifts no matter what...sheesh!

Also, if you're planning to acknowledge your kid's birthday at this party in any way (e.g. cake etc), then you should let people know that the purpose of the party is to celebrate the birthday. Otherwise it'll just be weird. People will be confused and may feel bad, like they should have brought a gift.

Anonymous wrote:"No gifts please" is absolutely fine. We have had lots of no gifts parties and only two people have ever brought gifts contrary to the invitation. I thanked them, put them away discreetly, opened them later, wrote thank you notes. No drama.

+1

"No gifts please" is absolutely fine. We have had lots of no gifts parties and only two people have ever brought gifts contrary to the invitation. I thanked them, put them away discreetly, opened them later, wrote thank you notes. No drama.

I've been to a child's party where they picked a charity and suggested a donation if you wanted to give a gift.

Anonymous wrote:

If you write no gifts, and people bring gifts anyway, are you still expected to write thank you notes? I don't feel like thanking people who can't follow directions.

No, it is a much better idea to be really bitchy about it - that always helps to strengthen friendships.

That's what I thought too. Thanks for the confirmation.

If you write no gifts, and people bring gifts anyway, are you still expected to write thank you notes? I don't feel like thanking people who can't follow directions.

No, it is a much better idea to be really bitchy about it - that always helps to strengthen friendships.