Anonymous wrote:Just tell your kid you're checking out the schools.

I've done this with 2 kids at K: "we're visiting a few schools to see which is the best one for you."

Which is true - the best school for dc is one which accepts dc, for starters. But there is no reason to get into anything more with a kindergartner.

There is a differs fence between telling him/her you are looking at schools and involving him/her in the fact that it is an application process.

Just tell your kid you're checking out the schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my DD (this is for K so if you're talking HS, this is probably less helpful) that there were not enough spaces for the school(s) to accept everyone and if she doesn't get admitted, it has NOTHING to do with her and everything to do with the space -- literally not enough desks and chairs. I have stressed this. I think it's true for older kids too--don't make it about them but about the limitations the school has.

Why in the world would you even discuss this with a kindergartener? You are making this way too much about you and your preferences, and projecting that onto her.

4 y.o.: Mommy, why did we visit all those different schools?

Me: Why, just to see what kind of toys they had! Did YOU like the blocks as much as I?
Me: Just because, Cooper.
Me: Um ...
Me: Well, maybe you might possibly go to school at one of them next year. You know, preschool IS ending in 2 months.


[a few months go by]
4 y.o.: Mommy, am I going to go to school at one of those schools where I played that one time?

Me: No.
Me: No you are going to a different school a couple of blocks from here, the one where Carson goes.

4 y.o.: Why did you take me to all those other schools to play, then?


Me: Lie #1
Me: Lie #2
Me: Oh just because.
Me: Um.

I'm the poster with the kid in K. How do I not discuss this with her? She's five and she's not an idiot. Why am I taking her out of school and why is she having a "play date" with a bunch of strangers? If you're NOT at least talking about it on a basic level, I think that's worse. No projecting here, I'm very laid back about it but I wasn't going to bullshit her about it.

Given the ages of OP's children, much really depends om where they are now in school and how many friends or classmates are applying. Like a prior poster, our DC did not get into any of the Big X coed schools to which we applied despite having stronger academic credentials than several classmates who were favored for one reason or another. And like that pp's child, our DC used that painful lesson to embrace the wonderful private that welcomed DC and prove the others wrong. DC too will attend one of the most selective ivies many DCUMers seem to see as one of "the" schools to attend -- not for that reason, but because it really was the right fit. There are many great privates in the DC area. While there are many differences among them, the quality of their academic preparation for motivated students is not one the more significant ones. Bottom line -- don't attach too much importance to getting into "the right" private day school. The road less travelled can get you there too -- and maybe even with a bit less stress.

In addition to the space limitations, many qualified applicants, we have talked about how HS are looking for different things. For those that don't start in 9th, they may need to balance the class-- boys/girls and so forth, or they may be looking for students to round out the band, or the theater group, or whatever... we don't know what each school needs, but know that any school would be lucky to have our DC. We have also stressed that one is not better than another, but may be a better fit for some people.

In any case, a rejection or wait list letter will sting at first, but I have faith that it will all work out in the end.

What I've said is that you really chose the schools you applied to well and I think that you would be happy at any of them. They are all different, for sure, but they all have strengths so I could see you at any of them really. Of course if she gets shut out it might be a different conversation, but I'm hoping that that doesn't happen. They already know that it is competitive. They know the class sizes and generally which are the popular schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is good to manage expectations in advance. However, some disappointment is actually good for kids' development. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/magazine/what-if-the-secret-to-success-is-failure.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

I agree that the age of the student makes a big difference. For a 9th grade applicant with good scores but grades that lag behind (ye old "red flag" on effort), it can spark a conversation about how to really work for what you want. For the same age group with good grades but not good standardized scores, it can also spark a conversation about "hey, now you know what you'll need to work on" in terms of practicing for later standardized tests.

Terrible idea. Essentially telling the child he didn't get in because he didn't work hard enough or because he's bright enough (at least thats the message he'll hear). "Sorry kid, you just weren't good enough." Its not even true, there are kids with so so grades or scores who get in everywhere. There's just a lot randomness to the process and I don't see how making it personal helps.

Definitely try to hide all bad facts from your child, and particularly make sure to shield him from any sense that if he works harder he is more likely to achieve success. It will make your child totally awesome and resilient!

You must be a parenting specialist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my DD (this is for K so if you're talking HS, this is probably less helpful) that there were not enough spaces for the school(s) to accept everyone and if she doesn't get admitted, it has NOTHING to do with her and everything to do with the space -- literally not enough desks and chairs. I have stressed this. I think it's true for older kids too--don't make it about them but about the limitations the school has.

Why in the world would you even discuss this with a kindergartener? You are making this way too much about you and your preferences, and projecting that onto her.

4 y.o.: Mommy, why did we visit all those different schools?

Me: Why, just to see what kind of toys they had! Did YOU like the blocks as much as I?
Me: Just because, Cooper.
Me: Um ...
Me: Well, maybe you might possibly go to school at one of them next year. You know, preschool IS ending in 2 months.


[a few months go by]
4 y.o.: Mommy, am I going to go to school at one of those schools where I played that one time?

Me: No.
Me: No you are going to a different school a couple of blocks from here, the one where Carson goes.

4 y.o.: Why did you take me to all those other schools to play, then?

Me: Lie #1
Me: Lie #2
Me: Oh just because.
Me: Um.

Always include your public back up in your talking- we are looking at schools, and learning about them (including your public, dont' distinguish) later this spring daddy and I (or whoever you are) are going to talk and think about what we think will be best for the family....... all odne- there is no worry. you took him to play b/c it was a way to learn about them,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my DD (this is for K so if you're talking HS, this is probably less helpful) that there were not enough spaces for the school(s) to accept everyone and if she doesn't get admitted, it has NOTHING to do with her and everything to do with the space -- literally not enough desks and chairs. I have stressed this. I think it's true for older kids too--don't make it about them but about the limitations the school has.

Why in the world would you even discuss this with a kindergartener? You are making this way too much about you and your preferences, and projecting that onto her.

4 y.o.: Mommy, why did we visit all those different schools?

Me: Why, just to see what kind of toys they had! Did YOU like the blocks as much as I?
Me: Just because, Cooper.
Me: Um ...
Me: Well, maybe you might possibly go to school at one of them next year. You know, preschool IS ending in 2 months.


[a few months go by]
4 y.o.: Mommy, am I going to go to school at one of those schools where I played that one time?

Me: No.
Me: No you are going to a different school a couple of blocks from here, the one where Carson goes.

4 y.o.: Why did you take me to all those other schools to play, then?

Me: Lie #1
Me: Lie #2
Me: Oh just because.
Me: Um.

Anonymous wrote:I told my DD (this is for K so if you're talking HS, this is probably less helpful) that there were not enough spaces for the school(s) to accept everyone and if she doesn't get admitted, it has NOTHING to do with her and everything to do with the space -- literally not enough desks and chairs. I have stressed this. I think it's true for older kids too--don't make it about them but about the limitations the school has.

Why in the world would you even discuss this with a kindergartener? You are making this way too much about you and your preferences, and projecting that onto her.