Anonymous wrote:Fixing a scratch on the bumper of a 10-year-old mini van is not worth the hassle, the money, or the damage to your relationship with the ILs.

Yes, her performed poorly, but you should probably let it go.

OP, someone hit the front bumper of my six-year-old car and it appeared that it only had a single scratch to the paint and a broken license plate holder--not even a dent like you describe in your car; however, I had it checked out and the foam that is beneath the bumper -- which is important to the safety that the bumper is supposed to provide -- was compromised by that "scratch" of a hit. (This wasn't even a dent like yours; it was truly just a paint scratch, on the outside). I had to have the bumper fixed and that foam replaced for safety reasons; my insurance covered it (never knew who hit my parked car). The insurance company found the damage, and they don't ever want to find stuff they have to pay for, so it's not like some mechanic looking for a buck made it all up.

And a friend was rear-ended at very low speed and only had a dent in the bumper, but when she had it checked out, her undercarriage had damage. She'd been driving it around for a few days before she had time to get it checked out and was told that the hidden damage could have created issues with safety if she'd kept driving it.

In other words, I would always get a dent checked out, even in an older vehicle. since there is a lot behind that bumper. If you carry your kids around in your minivan, you want bumpers that are going to work properly. They aren't just hunks of steel like on old cars; they're covering a lot of other stuff that also affects their safety.

HAHAHAHAHA....I'm laughing at the idea of my MIL EVER using our cars.......HAHAHAHAHHAHA.....

Or any of us ever getting in the car with her, for that matter......

Anonymous wrote:Fixing a scratch on the bumper of a 10-year-old mini van is not worth the hassle, the money, or the damage to your relationship with the ILs.

Yes, her performed poorly, but you should probably let it go.

This. It is a mini van not a high end car.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. FIL should have, let's see:

a) Called you when it happened and ASKED before he tried working on your car
b) Apologized and
c) Offered to pay for the damage.

You, OP, should have gone out immediately when he was working on your car to check out the damages yourself. It's your car, it's your call.

Are they still there? Whether he's embarrassed or not, I think it would actually be helpful to stand up for yourselves. Has DH not once said to his father, "Hey, Dad, you know, you do owe my wife an actual apology"? Who cares if your car is old? He still owes you an apology for damaging your property.

No they left on Monday, thank goodness. Hopefully, will not see them for a year. I know they will want to come for Christmas, but considering what's been happening with recent visits, I will have to tell my DH we need alternative plans for Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. From the responses I received, I've calmed down some. Yes, the car is 10 years old. For me a car is a car, and yes it's a mini van. I do keep my cars until they die or the next mechanic invoice is a couple thousand or more than the car is worth.

Thank you for all of your responses.

Also for the PP who asked my relationship with my ILs is okay. We tolerate each other. When they visit they stay 2 weeks + I try to make their visit as comfortable as possible. There have been some issues, ex: FIL wrestles with my 8 year old and ends up hurting him.... it's an issue and we have hopefully gotten it through to him that he's the adult he needs to stop.

Again thanks.

Um, what? I'd be less concerned about damage to the car. The first time this happened, we would have had a conversation; the second time, he'd never be let back in my house. WTF, OP?

YES!!! PP we have dealt with this and this last time they visited my DH had a conversation with FIL (his step father) In all honesty it was not the most pleasant visit, because MIL denies what FIL is doing so this last time, they were not allowed to stay with the boys on their own or take them anywhere, I know I will probably get blasted, but it's been an ongoing issue and the way they (MIL & FIL) acted about it made me really uncomfortable. Apparently he's done this to other kids in the family, I could not trust them with my precious boys!!! -- I think this time was the time that DH stressed it the most and hopefully it will not be a problem in the future.

Anonymous wrote:My ILs always refused to get a rental when they visited.

Wanted to drive our cars while they are here. I refused because I know my FIL is an AWFUL driver. We drove them everywhere.

The one time I was out of town, my H let them drive and FIL rammed my car into the back of our garage. They didn't pay or apologize or anything. Just matter of fact "FIL ran into the garage."

They will never drive our cars again, and we now refuse to be their personal chauffers as once we had kids it became two much for the 2 weeks they visit, so they have rented cars the last 3 years as a result.

My IL's are not well off. They could be but they are terrible with money and have bought into a lot of scams. They just don't learn. Most recently, they were "helping someone with college" they have never met this "someone" she apparently was from Africa studying in the US. But it's their money. My MIL is "retired" although they really couldn't afford for her to retire so she makes gourmet meals for an elderly couple where they live. I know she probably makes about $100 off of them a month by the time she factors in her time and all the gluten free and organic things she uses. FIL will be working until he is 75 years old according to them. They never rent a car when they visit as they always expect us to take them with us, and it's worked out because I have a mini van. While, I'm fine letting it go, it really just rubbed me the wrong way. My parents always rent a car when they visit because according to my Dad if any thing happens, it's a rental and he will deal with it and no hurt feelings.

Let it go. I'm sure he's embarassed and feels bad about it, but it's just some scratches on a bumper. Of a 10 year old minivan.

Anonymous wrote:Ok. From the responses I received, I've calmed down some. Yes, the car is 10 years old. For me a car is a car, and yes it's a mini van. I do keep my cars until they die or the next mechanic invoice is a couple thousand or more than the car is worth.

Thank you for all of your responses.

Also for the PP who asked my relationship with my ILs is okay. We tolerate each other. When they visit they stay 2 weeks + I try to make their visit as comfortable as possible. There have been some issues, ex: FIL wrestles with my 8 year old and ends up hurting him.... it's an issue and we have hopefully gotten it through to him that he's the adult he needs to stop.

Again thanks.

Um, what? I'd be less concerned about damage to the car. The first time this happened, we would have had a conversation; the second time, he'd never be let back in my house. WTF, OP?

I would let it go.

It is cosmetic damage on a very old car, and relationship with in-laws is far more important.

My ILs always refused to get a rental when they visited.

Wanted to drive our cars while they are here. I refused because I know my FIL is an AWFUL driver. We drove them everywhere.

The one time I was out of town, my H let them drive and FIL rammed my car into the back of our garage. They didn't pay or apologize or anything. Just matter of fact "FIL ran into the garage."

They will never drive our cars again, and we now refuse to be their personal chauffers as once we had kids it became two much for the 2 weeks they visit, so they have rented cars the last 3 years as a result.

He is family. My first concern would be to say "I hope he is ok"...

Let it go. Stuff like this can happen to you too. I would raise the concern that maybe he needs to get a health check up to see that he did not have a black out etc.

What is wrong with you guys? He is your DH's dad. Your kids granddad!

PP is right.

However, since no one did of this, I would let it go.
I admire your FIL's ingenuity in getting the plunger trick to work! It looks like he really tried to make it better, and has poor social skills. I would not ask him for money if he is badly-off, but beware of lending him your car again!

Wow. FIL should have, let's see:

a) Called you when it happened and ASKED before he tried working on your car
b) Apologized and
c) Offered to pay for the damage.

You, OP, should have gone out immediately when he was working on your car to check out the damages yourself. It's your car, it's your call.

Are they still there? Whether he's embarrassed or not, I think it would actually be helpful to stand up for yourselves. Has DH not once said to his father, "Hey, Dad, you know, you do owe my wife an actual apology"? Who cares if your car is old? He still owes you an apology for damaging your property.

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP - this would be difficult for me too. I come from a world where you wash your car every week or two, get it detailed 3 or so times a year and any time there's any sort of cosmetic issue it's fixed promptly. The logic behind that is if you see a car with a bunch of dings you are less careful about making sure not to bump it.

I'd send FIL an email saying "Hey Tom, I just wanted to let you know that DH and I went ahead and had the scratch on the car fixed - it was $650. I really appreciate you fixing the dent. We'll see you soon. Love, Larla"

Don't have them pay you back, but in the future he'll have to rent a car or be driven around.

Sure, send that email if you want to come across as being transparently passive aggressive.

If you do want to mention it to him, and in an adult manner, find a better way to say it.

I'm so sorry OP - this would be difficult for me too. I come from a world where you wash your car every week or two, get it detailed 3 or so times a year and any time there's any sort of cosmetic issue it's fixed promptly. The logic behind that is if you see a car with a bunch of dings you are less careful about making sure not to bump it.

I'd send FIL an email saying "Hey Tom, I just wanted to let you know that DH and I went ahead and had the scratch on the car fixed - it was $650. I really appreciate you fixing the dent. We'll see you soon. Love, Larla"

Don't have them pay you back, but in the future he'll have to rent a car or be driven around.